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CHRISSIE
It is the day before I must go back to school again, after the summer break. My mom and dad have gone to work. My dad is talking to me again. Only after I told my mom that kissing Vincent was just a childish experiment, and not something I was planning to ever, do again. Telling her this, breaks my heart even further but it is something I must do.
She obviously spoke to my dad, but he is still not the way he used to be towards me. I do not know if it will ever be the same again, but I am getting used to it.
I sit around the house and I do not feel like doing anything. It feels as if I have lost my joy, my motivation, my strength.
There is a knock at my front door, and when I open the door, there he is – Johnathan.
He is like a beacon in a wild stormy ocean, and when I look into his gleaming blue eyes, I break down. The tears start running down my face.
Johnathan looks at me bewildered, as he steps closer to me hesitantly.
I rush forward and I fall into his arms.
He catches me and wraps his arms around me.
We stand there on my porch while I cry and Johnathan unsure of what is happening.
When my sobbing stops, he lifts my chin, so I am looking up into his eyes.
“Hey, you,” he says softly.
“Hey.” I sigh.
He smiles. “I missed you too.”
I cannot help smiling. “Don’t get any ideas, you came here at the wrong time, right place.”
I move away from him and invite him into the house. He sits down on a chair in the lounge, while I go to the kitchen to get us each a glass of juice.
I come back into the lounge and I hand him his glass before I sit in the chair opposite from him. I pull my legs in under me.
He asks, “So what have you been up to, Chrissie Taylor?”
“Not much. I went on that tour with the band.”
“Oh, yes. How was it?”
“Tiring I am sorry to say. I do not know how artists do it because every night it is the same songs, and every night it is a different bed.”
He laughs, and then he pulls his hand through his blonde hair.
“You are very suntanned. Where did you go for the holidays?” I ask him.
“We spend most of the time on the French Riviera, and then we toured some vineyards. It was very educational.”
I smile. “Yes, I am sure. Especially all that wine tasting.”
He laughs boisterously. “There is a fine line between tasting and swallowing.”
He makes me feel better, and I realize ultimately love is, to grow together. To get to that point where no one can destroy your relationship. It would be to grow closer, no one being able to tell you apart. This would be the difference between being safe and being insecure, between lost and found. Together Johnathan and I would make a picture perfect portrait.
He comes to sit next to me, and then he flips through the photos on his phone. I lean my head closer to his and he does the same until his head is resting next to mine. I do not move. I probably should, but I do not want to. Johnathan might be my way out.
When it is time for him to go home later that afternoon, he pulls me close to him. Leaning down he kisses me softly on my lips. I close my eyes with all the expectation and optimism for a hopeful future. I kiss him with the promise in my heart that I will be all okay.
When he pulls away gently, he smiles down at me. “Wow,” he whispers.
I smile bashfully. “Yeah, wow.”
“You were never on Facebook, I never thought I would miss anybody a much as I missed you.”
I want to start apologizing, to make up a lame excuse, but he leans down and fleetingly he kisses me again, stopping my words.
“Chrissie Taylor, I have never said this before, but I think I seriously like you.”
“What about Tanya?”
“Hush, no silly talk.” He smiles dismissively.
I smile up at him and think to myself – whatever. I lace my arms around his neck and lifting myself onto my toes, I hug him closely to me.
When we walk to his car, and he opens his door, he leans in and picks up a CD holder. He folds himself out of the car again. Smiling brilliantly, holding a CD by ÉLastique in his hand, he laughs thrilled. “I bought this in Europe. Can you even believe it?”
“What? How is that possible?” I exclaim flabbergasted.
“I know, but besides the wonders of technology, your voice is being listened to worldwide.” Johnathan continues, “And what a beautiful voice it is.”
“You are such a flatterer.” I laugh, a little too loud.
“I better go before I am in trouble with my parents. I was supposed to just quickly go to the shops, but I could not wait to see you again, so I came all the way over here.”
“So sweet of you,” I joke with him.
“Exactly, but now I am going to have an hour-long lecture tonight about the benefits of being helpful and working as a team member within the family unit.”
“Best you get on your way then.” I grin.
He gets into his car, and then blowing me a kiss, he drives off.
When I went to bed that night, I thought I would have a peaceful sleep at last. Still when I eventually fall asleep, I dream restlessly of Vincent on the side-lines of my life, of my dad screaming at me, of people pointing at me and laughing.
School feels like a different world.
I notice immediately Tanya with Stephen, and according to the rumours, while Johnathan was in Europe with his family during the summer holidays, Tanya realized she loved Stephen and was not interested in Johnathan any longer.
This is possibly the reason why he came running to me. During lunch, while we are sitting under the tree, and Johnathan is sitting closely next to me, I lean into him. “I see Tanya did it to you again.”
“Yeah, but this time it does not matter.”
I frown briefly. “Why doesn’t it matter anymore?”
“Because, I am at last over her and she does not influence my feelings anymore.”
“And what made you realize this revolutionary thought?” I tease.
“In the beginning, while I was away on holiday, all I could think about and wonder about was whether Tanya was cheating on me or not. Then, as the weeks passed, I started missing you, and I stopped phoning and texting Tanya.”
“I am glad because she was really treating you badly.”
“I only have you to thank.”
“Why me?”
“I already told you – I seriously like you.”
“Yes, but you meant as a friend.”
“Did I?” He nudges me with his shoulder, and I look at him sideways. He is smiling widely.
“I am not falling for you again.” I laugh whole- heartedly.
I notice the disappointment on the faces of many girls when it seems Johnathan does not flirt with everyone anymore – many broken hearts surround me, including my own.
I see Vincent in the halls and in class. We never speak, but when we walk past each other, he nods a greeting in my direction while I smile in acknowledgement.
I see him with Sabrina, and it breaks my heart.
My world implodes, but I convince myself I will be all right. He will always be a part of me—he was a part of me even before we met. I have these pictures in my head of how we could have been, and I mostly live in these moments. I cannot show everybody how I feel, so I pretend to the whole world I am fine, but deep down, where no one can hear me, I cry silently. No one will ever understand, but I will always wait here just for him. I might move on, but my heart will always be stuck here, waiting for him to hold me again. I would never be able to give my heart to someone else because it will always be waiting just for Vincent.
I have spent many nights wondering if it is only because it is a forbidden love that made me so attracted to Vincent, that made me feel he is the one, but I don’t think it is.
