Acknowledgments

Wiring can be a very rewarding experience. But, when the writing involves trying to turn a subject as complex and tedious as the Living Trust into (one hopes) a lighthearted and entertaining romp, it can also be exasperating. No one thinks of the estate planning attorney as a tortured artist; but, after multiple occasions of spending hours on a single paragraph attempting to be informative and witty, I felt I was Van Gogh.

One of the things that kept me going during tough times at the computer was the prospect of writing these Acknowledgments. How many times do I, or any person, get an opportunity to use a public forum to name and thank family, friends, and positive influences?

Actually, I have acknowledged those people on two prior occasions: When my first book was published in 1996, and then when it was revised in 2001. In both Acknowledgments, I mentioned the usual family and friends and thanked them for their support during the often arduous writing process, even if most of them were not aware that I was writing a book. Still, it was fun for me to mention their names, go to their houses, show them their names on the printed pages, and make them feel special for at least 10 minutes.

I also acknowledged two people who are not only unaware of my book, but do not even know I’m alive. These are people who have given me great joy in my life with their particular talents. I secretly hoped that I would hear from those folks if, somehow, the word got to them that their names were mentioned in my book. Of course, this was naive thinking and no such calls materialized.

But did I learn any lesson from that failure? No way! There’s always hope! And besides, as my father once said, “Put it out there, Jeff. You never know what will come back to you.”

So, once more, a shout-out goes to Mark Knopfler, the lead singer and guitarist from Dire Straits, who also has his own stellar solo career.

On the infinitesimal chance that Mr. Knopfler will read this, I say to him: Sir, no one can ever, and will ever, lay down the sweet licks you do with your ax. You are the best. And by the way, you no longer have to play in concert the usual hits from Brothers in Arms that put you on the map. Therefore, as the unofficial spokesman for your worldwide fan contingent, you are hereby authorized to retire “So Far Away,” “Walk of Life,” and “Money for Nothing,” and instead hit us with some incredible album tracks that we have been waiting forever to hear you play live, like “Espresso Love,” “Lady Writer,” and “Portobello Belle.”

Another mention also goes to Patrick Stewart, the actor who portrayed Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation. One time, I ran into Mr. Stewart at a computer store in Santa Monica and managed to tell him how much I enjoyed his performance on that show, particularly in one episode where his character was forced to live an entire lifetime in 22 minutes. Not wanting to disturb Mr. Stewart more than I already had, I pulled away from that encounter maybe 30 seconds after it began.

I have wanted to say something else to Mr. Stewart since my father died in 2006, and these Acknowledgments have given me the opportunity to do just that: Mr. Stewart, my father almost never watched any television programs other than news and sports. He enjoyed belittling Hollywood, and held disdain for almost anything or any person related to the entertainment industry. He didn’t go to the movies except when my mother could drag him. However, he truly enjoyed your performance on Star Trek: The Next Generation, which was the only episodic television show we ever watched together.

Your singular presence on that show was a joy to my father and me. It spurred many postshow conversations between us about your compelling portrayal of Captain Picard. And for an Anglophile like my father, he particularly enjoyed your character’s captivating and eloquent use of the Queen’s English.

When I told my father I ran into you at the computer store, that curmudgeon gave you the highest praise I ever heard from him about any entertainer: “Patrick Stewart, huh? How about that! I would actually walk across the street to meet that guy.”

Thank you, Mr. Stewart, for giving me those moments with my father.

Okay. Now that the Big Dogs have been reacknowledged, it’s time to acknowledge the people in my life who actually know who I am.

Bradley, Hayley, and Carly: What can a father say to his children other than the usual “I love you,” which really says it all? Here are just a few brief, independent messages. Bradley, one of these days, I am actually going to follow through on my promise to take you and your little friends paint-balling. Hayley, if you’re going to switchhit, you actually have to spend some time batting on the right. Carly, “Get in my belly.” And to all three of you, remember that a happy home is more important than a clean one, but you still have to clean up your rooms at some point!

Tristina Cole: What can I say to the person who has pulled me out of so many fires? I do not have the words to express the appreciation I have for you. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me.

Esther Condon: I don’t know where it came from, but you somehow found the strength to carry on after the death of your husband. Mother, you are my rock, the foundation of my life. I love you so very much.

F. Milton Condon: I am still practicing my profession in the law building at which I have spent my entire legal career, the Jack Condon building, and you, Uncle Milt, are the primary reason for that. I could not fathom spending my remaining career in some soulless corporate office building. But thanks to your emphasis on family instead of maximizing rent, you took a financial hit as you built your current tenant pool around me. Thank you so much for that kind gesture, which I will always appreciate. As the Condon family patriarch, I continue to look to you for your wisdom and advice.

Jim Hall and Alan Juarez: You are the bedrock of the girls softball league (Santa Monica Girls Fastpitch) in which my daughter, Carly, plays and in which I coach. My father always said that one should try to find one’s joy in life, and I have found mine in coaching my daughter and her teammates. Your support and advice has been instrumental in allowing me to follow that passion. I cannot sew to save my life, but if I could, each of you would have panels in the Condon family quilt.

Jared Breuer, Ken Southerland, Erin Jones, and Susan Croft: You are the staff of the 2008 Santa Monica Girls Fastpitch All-Star Team (10u Division). During the tail-end of the writing of this book, I had the pleasure to help you and the team as a self-appointed assistant. Serving in that role gave me so much pleasure, as it allowed me to do what I love the most, which is run around a softball field with the team and spend more time with my daughter Carly. All of you were crucial in that process, and I will never forget it. Jared and Ken, you gave the girls some amazing coaching. Erin and Susan, you are the best All-Star Managers ever. And Susan, see you at El Torito.

Bret Donnelly, Brad Wheeler, Rick Fonkalsrud, Milton Stumpus, Michael Bender, Steven Smooke, Paul Cooke, Anthony Caronna, Kenneth Aslan, and Mark Beede: You guys have been my friends who have supported me from afar for many years. But that’s okay, because I can only stand being in your presence maybe once or twice a year, if that.

Kaile Nakao, Hailey Sheridan, Jaimee Kadish, Holly Elander, and Cianna Guerrero: At the time I write this, you are all 16 years old, but I have known you all since you were seven years old and playing softball with my daughter Hayley in the old Santa Monica Bobby Sox days. It has been such a pleasure to see you grow into confident, lovely, and athletic young women. You are part of my family forever.

Mary Armienti, Jordan Breuer, Aleksa Harris, Madison Graval, Rachel Hiltunen, and Maddy Shulman-Clancy: You have been friends with my daughter Carly throughout her elementary school career. It has been a ton of fun hanging with you during your playdates with Carly, and I am so looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for you.