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I should be comatose. The travel and the sex and our long, hot shower should have done me in, but I sleep lightly. I’m not used to sleeping with a woman. It’s been a long time since I’ve shared my bed overnight. But that’s not what’s keeping me awake.
I’m excited.
It’s like my whole world flipped upside down and everything is new and things I never gave much thought to are suddenly important. The world is full of possibilities.
I’m spooning Katie, loving the way she feels in my arms, the way she smells. My hand rests possessively over her abdomen.
Possibilities.
I came inside her unprotected. She says she’s on the pill, but it was still a risk. A risk we both took willingly. Hell, a risk we took gleefully.
I should be lying here berating myself for what I’ve done tonight. A virginal student. A much younger woman. A stranger. Risky sex. No amount of logic can explain my totally out-of-character behavior, and I don’t even fucking care.
I’m in love with a stranger. I actually hope her birth control fails us. I want to marry the shit out of her and fill her with babies. Biology is fighting with my common sense and it’s winning.
I know I got her into this bed and satisfied her body, but I’m not sure she understands how deep this goes. I’m not sure she’s ready for marriage and babies and some big oaf claiming to love her at first sight. Wanting to claim her, mark her, keep her. She’s young and never even lain with a man before me—how can she possibly be ready for what I want from her?
I’ve never been with a virgin. I was her first lover. I’ll be her last. I’ll keep her so fucking strung out on sex she won’t have time to look at another man and wonder what she’s missing.
She’s so passionate. Damn, right there with me the whole time even if she didn’t have the experience. Hell, I’ve never had the kind of sexual experience we shared before tonight. I’ve had sex, loved sex, but never had it alter the course of my life. Never felt it in my soul.
I’m going to have to hang up my science degree and take up poetry if I keep this shit up.
She shifts in her sleep, rubbing her ass on my dick and it stirs. Jesus. It’s going to wear out if I use it one more time tonight. And she’s probably going to be sore. I need to give us both a break. But tell that to my dick.
I doze a bit, stirring when I hear a car outside, its engine idling loudly. I blink as the soft light of dawn tells me it’s still fucking early. But a protective instinct wells up inside. I need to check it out, make sure my woman is safe. I pull on some sweats and go to the living room when I hear the doorbell. I look out the window as the car peels away from the curb, but I open the door anyway.
Why is there a baby on my porch?
Am I dreaming? I look around, but the car is long gone and nobody else is outside. The baby is awake, bundled in a pink hooded get-up and still buckled in a car seat. I can’t just leave it out here. I pick up the handle and grab the bag decorated with teddy bears and baby chicks and bring them both in the house.
I set the baby carrier on the coffee table and sit on the couch staring. Now what?
My guess from the all pink outfit is she’s a girl. And she’s got big, wet eyes of grayish blue. And she’s very serious. She’s scowling at me. Are babies supposed to scowl? Her lower lip starts to quiver. Uh-oh.
“Don’t do it,” I tell her.
The wet eyes get wetter.
“Seriously,” I say. “I don’t know anything more about what is going on than you do but crying won’t help.”
Her whole chin starts to vibrate lightly, and I know we’re knee-deep in it now. I see a sucky thing clipped to the seat, so I try to stick it in her mouth, but she turns her face from me. Shit. Little hiccups follow while I try to figure out how the fuck to unbuckle the contraption she’s in.
I finally get her out of the seat, but I don’t actually know what to do with her next. I hold her awkwardly. She’s so tiny. I know enough that her head needs to be supported, but that’s it. And that’s not enough because the hiccups turn to whimpers. Oh, man. I can’t stand it. She’s so helpless and sad and I don’t know what to do, so I bring her up to my chest and start talking. About I don’t even know what. Just nonsense. The whimpers become hiccups again, so it must be working.
I snuggle her onto my chest and stand up, trying to sort of rock her. “There, there, little one.” The hiccups become snuffles, and her little fist flattens on my chest. I don’t know what to do next, so I just keep walking and talking.
And fall in love for the second time in twelve hours.
––––––––
I DREAM OF BABIES. Awake to the sound of one crying. I open my eyes. It’s probably because I’m worried that I may have gone and gotten myself pregnant by the first guy I slept with. What was I thinking, begging him not to pull out? I feel so irresponsible. So naughty. So dirty. So horny again already.
I stretch. The dream that woke me was pretty vivid.
Nick isn’t in bed, so I take a minute to process the fact that I am not a virgin anymore. That I slept with a stranger. That no one would believe me if I told them who it was because everyone knows that Professor McFuckme would never, ever do a student. And it’s not like there’s been a line of guys offering for me, either.
I don’t think last night was just run-of-the-mill sex. I mean, I believe he’s probably always been a good, thorough lover. He just has that vibe that says he knows his way around a woman, which is why women all over campus crush on him. But what we did together didn’t feel like mere sex. It felt like I gave him way more than my virginity. I gave him pieces of me I doubt I’ll get back. Heart pieces. Soul pieces.
I’m really quite fucked.
I hear the baby sound again and know I’m not asleep this time, so I throw on a t-shirt, realize it’s not mine, and shrug. It smells like him. Maybe I’ll accidentally pack it when I leave today.
I get to the bedroom door and stop in my tracks at the scene in the living room. Visions of that movie where Drew Barrymore has amnesia and relives the same day over and over while her life goes on play across my mind. Surely, I didn’t hit my head and have a baby without remembering, did I?
The hottest man alive is pacing the room with a baby cuddled to his chest and my ovaries just explode like fireworks. But if it’s not my baby, whose baby is it and why is he holding it? Do I get to be jealous? No. That doesn’t seem to stop the feeling though.
“Good morning?” I say, my untried voice sounding a little husky.
He turns and smiles at me. Shit. I just released more eggs. I’m a walking fertility clinic now. He’s got the best smile. And I’ve never seen it before this morning. How can I feel so close to someone I hardly know?
“Hey,” he says, bouncing the baby a bit. “So a funny thing happened while you were sleeping.”
Do all men look so hot holding babies? “I can see that. How long was I out?”
His chuckle is warm, and his smile crinkles the skin at his eyes. It’s too much hotness for one man. It’s not fair to all the others. He transfers the baby to his other shoulder. “Do you know anything about these things?”
“You mean babies?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I know where they come from.”
His eyes darken dangerously, and I think we both relive the wonderful mess we made last night. “Well, I’m not sure where this one came from. I found her on the front porch.”
“What?” I rush over to check that she’s okay. “Who would leave a baby on the front porch?” And then I start putting things together. An ex-girlfriend would. A desperate ex. Maybe someone who got ditched by the guy who knocked her up. The guy who might have even said he didn’t want to pull out...my hand covers my own abdomen and I feel sick. What have I done? Is this my future, too?
“Katie, this baby is not mine. I swear.” His voice is low, urgent.
I look up into his sincere eyes. I want to believe him. “It’s not my place to—”
“Katie,” he interrupts. “It is your place to question. And I’m telling you, this baby is not mine. It’s been a lot longer than this since I’ve been with a woman, and last night was the first time in my life I didn’t use a condom. I swear.”
I nod. I want to believe him. I do believe him. Maybe that makes me stupid. Maybe that makes me the next candidate for porch babies. But my heart thinks it knows best, and it thinks it knows this man. Also, my brain is trying to do the math. “This baby is probably, what, a month old? That means you haven’t been with anyone in...”
“Over a year.”
Well, that would explain why he was so into what we were doing then. It’s cute that I thought I incited some kind of rabid passion in a man. The kind that makes him forget his own rules. In truth, he was just really, really horny. “Oh.”
I swallow against the churning disappointment that I have no right to. I need to pull myself together here. I had the best initiation to sex ever, and I knew going into it that it wasn’t a relationship. It was a fling, and I can’t regret it. It’s just that no other man will ever compare now that I’ve spent the night in his arms.
The important thing here is the baby. She needs us right now. My heart will be just as broken later as it is this morning. I can deal with it then.
Who would leave a baby on his doorstep? Who even knows he’s here? Devon didn’t tell me when he was coming back, much less the real owner of the house so...wait a minute. “Devon,” I say.
“What about Devon?”
I gesture to the baby. “Maybe the baby’s mother thinks Devon still lives here.”
He holds the baby out and looks closely at her face. “She’s got the Sanders’ gray eyes, I think. You might be right.” He shakes his head. “That irresponsible prick. But that doesn’t explain why the mother would leave the baby with no explanation.”
“Maybe the mother didn’t leave the baby. Maybe someone else did. Or maybe the mother is having big enough problems that this seemed like her best option.”
Only someone in desperate straits would leave her child like this. We need to find her.
“There’s a girl, a blonde, younger than me, I think. She’s been around a couple times looking for him. She was pretty big the last time I saw her.” I make a round motion over my abdomen to symbolize pregnancy. “I think she thought I was covering for him when I said he was out of town. She wouldn’t leave her name, but I’ve seen her on campus near the science lab when I go to class.”
“That’s not a lot to go on.”
“I know, but it’s something.” I start digging through the diaper bag to see what supplies we have.
“Do you know what any of that stuff is?” he asks, looking down at the items in curiosity.
“Most of it. I babysat some during high school. I even took the certification course from Red Cross.” I don’t say that I babysat all the time because I was the girl with no plans on the weekend. No boyfriend. No dates.
“Today is Sunday. There are no classes. We can’t look for her on campus.”
I sit on the couch, a little dejected. “I know.”
“Do you think we should just keep her until we find this girl tomorrow?”
We. He said we.
“The baby is probably your niece. Do you really want to take her to CPS today? Put her in foster care?”
His arms tighten visibly around the little pink bottom. “No. No, she stays with us until we find her mother. Or her father, though I don’t know what good he would be. This baby deserves to be with family. Maybe her mom just needs help.”
I'm glad he’s not instantly making the mom out to be a villain. It would be easy to do, if you don’t figure that mental health issues are probably at play here. “I bet she’s scared, if she’s been doing it all alone and can’t find Devon. She looked really young—maybe even a freshman. She’d have to be desperate to just drop her child off. She might need more than just financial help. She might have some psychological issues. Postpartum depression can make new moms do things they normally wouldn’t. She shouldn’t be alone.”
“Says the future social worker.” He offers the baby to me. “Do you want to hold the baby?”
“Um, sure.” He passes her to me, and I coo at the serious little face. “I just hope the mom doesn’t do anything more drastic until we can find her.”
“We’ll find her, and we’ll help her.”
I hope so. I look up to find Nick is staring at me with that hungry look again. “You look good with a baby in your arms.”
“I thought the same about you.”
My heart is beating so fast right now.
“I’m having some indecent thoughts about you right now, Katie. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
The baby takes the opportunity to cry, and our crash course in babies commences.
Nick takes the formula into the kitchen with him and reads the directions while making us a strong pot of coffee. I refamiliarize myself with how to change a diaper on YouTube and then he watches the video while I feed her the bottle. We tackle the first diaper change as a team, laughing when we put it on backwards the first time.
The rest of the day is research and practice. The baby is patient with us, and fusses more than she actually cries, though I bet she misses her mother. I try to use Facebook and Instagram to see if I can find the girl from the science lab, but she’s not on Devon’s friends list.
I get left alone for half an hour when Nick runs to Target for a portable crib and more supplies, just in case. When he returns, it takes him fifteen minutes to unload all the stuff he bought.
“Your living room looks like a daycare for twelve babies, not one,” I say, looking around at the swing and the diapers and new clothes and stuffed animals and somewhere a portable crib.
“What if we don’t find her tomorrow? We need to be prepared. Besides, if this baby is my niece, she’ll probably visit, so I’ll need some gear, right? I got some of those things you put in outlets but didn’t grab the ones for the cupboards.”
There he goes, being adorable again. “I think we have some time. She can’t even roll over yet.”
“I went overboard, didn’t I?”
My heart melts. “In the best way.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He’s so wonderful with the baby, who we’ve been calling “Baby” since we don’t know her name. He’s quick to soothe her when she gets upset, and he’s not putting anything off on me just because I’m the woman—if he doesn’t know what to do, he asks me if I know without assuming I do because of my gender. And then he asks me to show him or tell him or help him. We’ve been working together all day, and he’s the best partner. I can see him as a dad for sure.
Okay, I can see him as the dad of my children for sure. We’re playing house and I like it too much.
He cooks us some eggs for dinner while I give the baby another bottle. “So, Nick. Why are you single?” I finally ask what’s been on my mind all day. “You have to know your reputation on campus as a veritable god. You could have any woman you want. You seem to like kids. Why no family?”
He shrugs and chops some ham and cheese for the eggs. I think he’s making omelets. “I’ve been waiting for the right woman, I guess. My parents had a great relationship. I always wanted what they had. My dad told me I’d know when I met the one.” He stops chopping and looks at me. “What about you? What were you waiting for?”
I blush. “I wasn’t purposely waiting for anything. I guess at some point, saying I’m not ready just became a habit.”
He pauses and makes sure I’m looking at him when he speaks. “We haven’t talked about last night. Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Were you ready?”
He’s searching my gaze for something from me, but I don’t know what. “Yes. I don’t have any regrets. Do you?”
“No. Last night was perfect. I’m hoping tonight will be just as memorable.”
Heat spreads across my body. “I’d like that.”
Later, we take turns showering while the other holds Baby. It’s been a long day, and we never had time this morning, what with trying to figure out how to take care of a baby and all. I sympathize with new parents. A lot. I had a good partner today, and I know not everyone gets one of those.
When I come out, he’s standing at the window, holding the baby against his chest and singing her a lullaby with words I’m pretty sure he’s making up as he goes along. I know I gave him pieces of my heart that I would never get back last night. But watching him now, I just throw the rest of my heart at him. It’s his. I’m in love with this man, and there’s no coming back from it.
“She’s asleep,” I say quietly, walking toward him and taking her from his arms. I lay her in her crib the way the website said was best and lean down to give her a little kiss.
I turn to find him staring at me. “I couldn’t have done today without you. A lot of people would have hit the ground running. But you stayed. Thank you for staying.”
I never even thought of leaving. “A lot of people wouldn’t have kept her. You’re a good man.”
“With you at my side, I’m a better man, anyway.”
Oh, the feelings he’s churning up. He knows I’m a sure thing, right? He could just take out his penis, and I’d be all “okey dokey.” He doesn’t have to woo me with all these perfect words.
He takes my hand. “I want you to know that you wouldn’t have to be alone, if not using condoms last night got you pregnant, you wouldn’t have to do anything alone.”
“I know.”
“I’m not sure you do. Katie, I want to be your man. I knew last night we had something special, something that I wanted to explore. But spending the day with you today convinced me. We barely even had time to touch today, but I fell for you more every minute we were together.”
My heart is pounding so hard I’m sure he can hear it. “I feel the same way. I keep trying to convince myself that it’s too soon or I’m in some kind of sex haze, but everything you say and do just makes me lo—like you more.”
It’s out there even though I didn’t say it. Or didn’t finish saying it. I take a shaky breath and bite my lip. That was too soon—
I’m swooped up in his arms, and he carries me into the bedroom. “Say it.”
“Say what?”
He starts stripping off the pajamas I just put on. “You know what.”
“Nick...”
“Yeah, I like it when you say my name, too.” He’s got his clothes off in the time it takes me to blink. “But I want to hear you say it.”
“This is crazy.” I’m pinned below him, and he’s hard as granite against my stomach already.
“Tell me you love me.”
“Nick!”
“Tell me you’re mine. Tell me you’ll be mine forever.”
“Why do I have to say it first?”
He smiles and rasps his beard on my chest. “I love you.”
My heart just stops, I think. “You love me?”
He leans down and takes a big suck on my boob. “Tell me. Tell me you’ll marry me. Tell me you want my babies. Tell me you’ll never leave me.”
I can’t say anything because our mouths crush together, and his tongue is in my mouth. He rolls me over so I’m on top, kneading my ass and rubbing my pussy up and down over his hard shaft.
His gray eyes bore into mine with wicked desire. I sit up and reach for his hands and use them to balance as I slowly ease myself onto him, swallowing him, engulfing his huge dick inside me. “I love you.”
Nick’s whole demeanor changes, and his jaw sets hard as I carefully raise myself back up from him. I continue in this deathly slow onslaught, watching him tense and flex every glorious muscle on his body. “I’m yours.” His hands squeeze mine tighter and he sits up, wrapping an arm around my waist, securing my chest to his. “I’ll be yours forever.”
Nick holds onto my waist, digging his fingers into my skin before slamming me down while thrusting up at the same time. “Say the rest.”
“I don’t remember the rest.”
Before I know what’s happening, he flips me over so he is on top, dominating my body. “You’re going to marry me.” He begins pounding into me, thrusting deeper and harder and faster. “You want my babies.” He growls deep in his chest and pumps into me harder and faster. “You’ll never leave me.”
“Yes. Yes to all of it.” Then a warning flashes through my head. “Wait.” He stops immediately. “In all the excitement this morning, I forgot to take my pill.”
In all likelihood, taking it twelve hours later than normal is probably okay, right?
“Do you want to stop? Do you want me to get a condom?”