I’d been good for nearly a week. Only one fight; it must have been a record for me. I should have known it couldn’t last.
I was walking across the car park by the pub on the corner with Riley and his gang, when one of them spotted Rob walking towards us. I knew something was going to happen. Rob’s that sort of kid. He wasn’t doing anything – he didn’t have to. He was just wrong. Everything about him was wrong. Wrong shape, wrong clothes. Wrong ears. Yeah, you heard, wrong ears.
‘Look at the state of that,’ said Riley. ‘What a moron. Look at his ears.’
‘What do you care about his ears?’ I asked. I was genuinely interested. I mean – ears?
‘I’ll show you,’ said Riley. ‘Oi! Robbie,’ he said, grabbing hold of him. He whipped an arm over Rob’s neck and got him in a head lock.
I’d just been chucked out of the Brant the week before and I was doing everything I could to stay out of trouble. Hey, I’d even got myself some new mates. Hannah at the Brant said I needed some mates. OK, it was only Riley and his crooked little gang of thugs. But I was doing it, wasn’t I? Socializing. Being one of a crowd.
And then I have to stand there watching them bully this fat kid because they don’t like the shape of his ears.
Normally I’d have blown a fuse, but this time I just stood there and watched. I thought, It’s none of your business, Billie. Just leave it. They’re not going to kill him. It’s only pain.
That’s one of Hannah’s. When I asked her what to do if someone started on me, she said, ‘They’re not going to kill you. Take it and walk away. It’s only pain.’ And this wasn’t even my pain. It was just one more fat kid getting pushed around.
I stood and watched. I didn’t turn a hair.
Riley had Rob’s head under his arm, and he was rubbing his ears, hard. And Rob was going, ‘Ow ow ow!’ like an idiot, and his ears were getting redder and redder and someone else was behind kicking him up the arse. It was none of my business. I was just watching. I’m a good girl, me. Then Riley walked over with Rob’s head under his arm and he said, ‘Go on, Billie. You have a go. Give ’em a rub.’
I just said, ‘You want me to have a go?’
‘Yeah,’ said Riley.
‘How about this?’ I said. So I punched him right on the nose. Bang. Down went Riley. Then – in with the boot. Bang bang bang. And then his girlfriend, Jess or whatever her name is, came and tried it on, so I did her – bang! – just once, in the teeth. Down she goes, blood everywhere.
‘I don’t do bullies,’ I said. And I walked off – just in time to see the bus going past. All along the windows a row of faces turned to watch me.
Can you believe me? In public. Right in front of anyone who cared to see. I am so stupid!
I turned my face away and headed off, out of the car park. Then behind me – ‘Billie … wait … Billie …’
Jesus.
Rob’s all right. He was a new kid too, not as new as me – I’d only been there a week – but he hadn’t been there long. Just long enough to arrive right at the bottom of the pecking order. We’d had a bit of a chat, talked about music and stuff like that. But I wasn’t in the mood for him just then.
He caught up with me. ‘Thanks … thanks … That was … that was …’ He was all out of breath, bending over, trying to get the words out.
‘Don’t,’ I said.
‘What?’
‘Just don’t. You and your bloody ears.’
‘What about my ears?’
‘They stick out. If it wasn’t for your bloody ears, I wouldn’t have had to do that.’
‘I’ll change ’em for you.’
‘What?’
‘I’ve got a spare pair at home.’
‘What?’
‘Joke.’ He smiled at me. ‘You know.’
I turned and walked off, but he wasn’t giving up. He came running after me.
‘I just wanted to say thanks.’
‘You said it.’
‘We could be mates,’ he said.
I turned to look at him. ‘What are you on?’ I said.
‘Why not?’ he said.
‘People like me don’t make friends with people like you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because all people like you want is for people like me to sort your fights out for you.’
‘I can fight me own fights, thanks.’
‘Yeah, it looks like it.’
‘No, but you’re new. I’m new. We could hang out together.’
‘Look. I can’t afford to have fights,’ I told him. ‘I’m on my last chance. I told you. I’ve been through five schools in the past two years. I even got chucked out of the Brant, and they like me there. Statside is the last school that’ll have me. If I blow this, it’s the LOK. I can’t do the LOK. Do you know the LOK?’
‘No.’
‘It’s this terrible place. I’m not doing the LOK for anyone.’
No way. I already got sent there once. I lasted one day and I was banging at the door of the Brant, begging them to let me back in. It’s evil. They have guards with batons patrolling the corridors. They lock the doors behind you everywhere you go. You have to have an escort even just to go to the toilet. It’s full of nutters. Just because I like fighting, that doesn’t make me a nutter.
‘You don’t have to go to the LOK,’ he said. ‘Don’t fight. I’ll show you how. It’s easy. You just get beat up.’ He smiled at me again.
I laughed. ‘Yeah, I’m not very good at that,’ I told him. I had another look at him. He was one of those kids. Overweight and bouncing about like a puppy dog. He didn’t give up easy, though.
‘Look at the state of you,’ I said. ‘You’re the sort of kid who gets picked on all the time. It’d be fights all day and all night if I was friends with you.’
‘We can be friends out of school, then.’
I shook my head. I was thinking about something else Hannah always said. ‘Trouble with you, Billie, is,’ she said, ‘you always make the wrong sort of friends. None of ’em last, none of them are ever there for you. Why don’t you get with someone nice for a change?’
Yeah, great – but how do you know? I can never tell whether they’re just after something or if they really want to be mates. I had a good look at Rob and tried to work it out. I hadn’t got a clue.
‘I’ll think about it,’ I said.
‘Yesssss!’ he hissed. And that made me smile.
He walked with me to the bus stop. I wasn’t going to the usual one because I had a visit to make. Once I decided to let him, I quite liked him being there. Maybe he was a nice kid – why not?
‘I won’t let you down, Billie,’ he said. ‘I’ll be a good friend.’
Yeah, right, I thought. We’ll see.