After Philip was finished, I went upstairs and lay on my bed for a bit. Davey poked his head round the door to see how I was, but I wasn’t ready for him.
‘Go away,’ I said.
‘No, Rob …’ he began.
‘Get lost or I’ll shout at you and then he’ll come back upstairs and do me again. OK?’
‘Rob …’
‘Go on, get lost,’ I said.
‘I just wanted to say, Mum was at the school gates today. She was asking about you.’
I sat up. ‘Did you tell him?’
‘No, course I didn’t. She wants to see you tomorrow.’
‘Right. Don’t say a word, right?’
‘Right.’
‘Or I’ll bat yer head in!’ I hissed after him, just so he knew how cross I was. I got my phone and had a check.
I could have killed myself. Mum had texted me twice to let me know she’d be at the school gates, but I’d left the phone at home so I never knew. I never use it. I needed to get back to her right now, but I had no credit. I went to Davey, but of course he had no credit, either.
‘I have to let her know I’ll be there,’ I said.
‘She knows you’ll be there.’
‘Does she know I’m out of school?’
‘Yeah … But she said she’ll definitely be there. She said.’
‘I have to text her. Go on, go down and see if Philip’ll give you some credit. He will.’
‘I don’t want to, Rob.’
‘Go on. I’d do it for you.’
He started shuffling and whining then, because he knew it was true. ‘He won’t give it me.’
‘You can try. What’s up with you? He never hits you.’
He just pulled a face at me.
‘What then?’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘Go on …’
So he went, but it didn’t do any good. I heard Philip shouting at him and telling him to go to his room. There were some bangs. Philip chucks things around when he’s taking it out on Davey, but he never hits him. Davey came back up trying not to cry.
‘You all right? Sorry, I just wanted to be able to tell Mum I’d be there,’ I said.
‘I’m all right, I’m all right …’
‘Listen, Davey, you won’t tell Mum, will you? About Philip and me. I don’t want her worrying about that.’
Davey nodded his head and went back to his room. I shouldn’t have sent him down. Philip hates it when he sides with me. It’s not like what I have to put up with, though, is it? He can do that for me, at least.
The next day I was in a right state, waiting. I didn’t have anywhere to go so I had to stay at home with Philip keeping an eye on me. The important thing was to make sure he never found out she’d be waiting for us. If he knew that, he’d be there – you could bet your life on it.
The next most important thing was to make sure I got there. Like I said, Philip’s always at home. He stays in all day sometimes. What if I never made it? What would she think then? Like I didn’t care, like I didn’t want to see her, like I blamed her …
I was fretting about it all day, but I struck lucky. He had a job interview in the afternoon. He’s a painter and decorator, Philip – proper stuff. He can do posh papers, £40, £50 a roll, paint finishes and everything. Our house, it’s not big and the furniture’s rubbish, but the decoration’s great. People always talk about it. Trouble is he gets arguing with the boss or gets drunk and then he gets sacked so he doesn’t keep his jobs for long.
‘I’ll need a job bringing up you and Davey, now that cow’s left me in the lurch,’ he told me.
We had lunch together, he made us omelettes, and then he went out.
‘Don’t forget – you’re grounded,’ he told me before he went. ‘If I find you’ve been out that door, you’re for it.’
I waited till he was well off down the road before I sneaked out the back way so the neighbours wouldn’t see me. It was about two by then. I had another hour and a half.
I was crapping myself, but not about Philip. What if she wasn’t there? What if she thought she hadn’t heard from me so she didn’t bother? That sort of thing. What if Philip came back early and found me not there and came round to school to get me? Then he’d see Mum – he’d get his hands on her. Maybe I shouldn’t turn up at all in case Philip got wind of it.
But of course I did turn up. And so did she.
We had a big hug, me and her and Davey, right out in front of the gates. I didn’t care. I just stood there soaking her up, the smell of her, the feel of her arms round me. I know that might sound cheesy, but that’s how it is with me and my mum.
We went and had a drink in a café. We weren’t there long before Mum wanted to talk to me on my own.
‘Go home, go to him, Davey,’ she said. ‘You and me had some time to usselves yesterday. I need to talk to Robbie now.’
Davey pulled a face, but he’s fair; he understood.
‘I’ll see you again very, very soon,’ she said. ‘Promise.’
He didn’t like it, but he did as she said. She went out with him to say goodbye in private. She always gives you some time, my mum.
When she came back, she said, ‘Come on, let’s get out. I need a ciggie.’
She linked arms with me and we walked around till we found a bench, then we sat down. She lit her fag, took a long drag, leaned back and said, ‘So, what’s going on with you, Robbie?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know what I mean. Look at you. You’re a mess. You’ve been fighting again, haven’t you? And you’ve been chucked out of school. How are you going to be looking out for your little brother with all this going on? You’re not even at the same school as him any more.’
‘School,’ I told her. ‘I’ve had enough of school. I’m always getting picked on and then getting the blame for it.’
Mum shook her head. ‘You’re always getting into fights, Robbie. I don’t understand it. Where’d you get it from?’
I looked at her sideways. I could have told her … but I didn’t. She has enough on her plate without me loading my troubles on her too.
I shrugged and smiled, and my mum, she smiled back.
‘You’re a right mess,’ she laughed. ‘Tell me, then. School, eh?’
So I told her – my version. I’m this bad lad and it’s me that starts all the fights. Everyone thinks I’m a bit of a bully, but really I’m sticking up for the little kids. And I’m scared of no one. And then she tells me not to pick on other kids like I do, and I tell her I’d be happy to leave them be if they didn’t try it on, and she tries to tell me off – but she’s proud I’m so tough and know how to look after myself.
That’s me. Tough boy. Yeah.
I went on and told her how super-metal that T-shirt was because it got me into trouble, like. I took off my top and showed it to her, and she could hardly believe her eyes. And I told her about Billie Trevors’s kecks as well and she laughed like a drain at that, and crossed her legs and winced when I told her about that other kid’s nuts.
‘It should have been my nuts. But it wasn’t. See? I’m a lucky kid, me,’ I said.
‘Funny sort of luck,’ said Mum.
We sat there a while longer, and then suddenly she stood up.
‘Come on,’ she said.
‘Where are we going?’
‘My place. You’re out of school, you’re out the Brant. You’re as well staying at mine for a few days.’
‘No! You don’t mean that?’
‘Why not?’
See? See what I mean? My mum. She was actually taking me home with her. I was that made up, I could hardly speak. We caught the bus all the way to Manchester and we had fish and chips in town before we went back to where she was staying with a mate of hers. And … you have no idea. You have no idea what it felt like, sleeping somewhere where you know you’re not going to get hit, knowing that someone who loves you is sleeping under the same roof. My mum. She makes everything worthwhile.