The thing about this job is you never know what you’re going to get. I’m always being surprised. Sometimes, I’m actually amazed. Our kids have all got issues, but at least they’re characters. There’s more character in one of our classrooms than in most whole schools.
On the other hand, you can’t like them all.
I know it sounds unfair, but that’s the way it is. It’s the bullies I can’t cope with. I hadn’t realized with Rob when he came in at first. There was that weird thing about the T-shirt – what was that about? Heavy metal. I don’t like the music. You try and give people the benefit of the doubt, but maybe it follows that I don’t like the people either.
He came back in that Monday morning, and everyone in the building wanted his blood. Jim had a go at him first. You could hear it all down the corridor.
‘I like to believe that there’s a purpose for everyone in this world, Rob, but I’m finding it very difficult to work out just what yours is. Unless it’s causing trouble for other people. Am I getting through here?’
He can lay it on a bit thick, can Jim. Then Melanie had a go at him, then a couple of the other teachers. God knows what the kids were like – Billie was a hero to them. Well, enough was enough. I was going to leave him alone, but I was that angry about what he’d done to Billie. She’d only gone and run off again. This was a bad one. Usually she settles after throwing a wobbly. The trouble is she’d lost everything now. This was the big one – and it was all because of this idiot.
I hoiked him into my office during break. I couldn’t help myself.
‘It was an accident,’ he said.
‘You pulled down her trousers by accident?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Don’t treat me like an idiot, Rob.’
‘I’m not, miss.’
‘How is it possible to pull down a girl’s trousers by accident?’
‘You trip over something, miss. Miss. I’d never do anything like that to Billie. I like her.’
‘Is that how you show a girl you like her? By pulling down her trousers in public?’
He pulled a face.
‘I would imagine that the next time you see Billie it won’t be a very friendly encounter. Did you know that she was on her last chance here? And I don’t mean her last chance. I mean her last last chance?’
‘I know. She told me.’
‘Well, she’s blown that now, hasn’t she? With your help. We can’t let her back in here. Chris’s parents are pressing assault charges on her. Maybe even Actual Bodily Harm.’
To my satisfaction, he looked horrified. I nodded. ‘Did you know she’s gone on the run? Did you know that?’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t blame her for running, either,’ I went on. ‘She’ll be off to the LOK now. Secure after that, more likely than not. With a record. Well done, Rob. You’re a pretty good friend to have around, aren’t you? I just hope for your sake that Billie doesn’t show her gratitude too forcefully.’
He didn’t say anything, just sloped off. Friends with Billie! I ask you. You believe that, you’ll believe anything. Manipulative as well as a bully. Well – there must be something to like about that kid, but for the life of me I can’t see it.
On the other hand, there was Chris Trent. After what happened, the school decided to take him back in. But then I made my way down at break on Friday morning – and there he was drinking tea and eating toast with the others. I did a complete double-take. The other kids were all clustered round him like he was some kind of big cheese – having your balls crushed by Billie evidently conferred some sort of glamour.
‘Chris,’ I said. ‘What are you doing here?’
I didn’t get any further than that. Jim popped his head out of the door and beckoned me over.
‘You’re not going to believe this,’ he said.
So it turns out that Chris and Billie made friends when she went round to the hospital. Somehow, he’d managed to talk his parents into dropping the charges. I could hardly believe my ears. Neither could Jim. He’d had to ring the police and check it out before he believed it.
‘They were furious about it,’ he said. ‘They thought they had her this time.’
Billie! You jammy cow. How many lives has that girl got? But it wasn’t jammy, was it? She went to say she was sorry. See, Billie? You’re getting it right. You’ve given yourself another chance. All you have to do is take it. I had my phone out to call her, but she wasn’t picking up, so I texted her instead – ‘Billie, they’ve dropped the charges. Ring me now!’
‘But he still shouldn’t be here, should he?’ I told Jim.
Jim scratched his face. ‘He’s supposed to be at school,’ he admitted. ‘But … he wants to be here.’
I shrugged. ‘Since when did we let kids come here on demand?’ I asked.
‘Since they do things like that?’ said Jim.
‘But the school’ll be wanting to know where he is,’ I said. Technically, we were complicit in helping him truant. ‘What about his parents? Do they know?’
Jim shrugged. ‘I haven’t found the time to ring them yet,’ he said. ‘Busy morning. I’m assuming there’s some sort of cock-up going on.’
‘… And you’re not trying too hard to sort it out.’
‘… Not too hard.’
Jim, we have our disagreements, but his heart’s in the right place. I thought, Chris, you little darling! I could have run out and kissed him there and then.
See what I mean? The Chrises and the Robs. The good, the bad and the ugly. We try to offer them a good service in terms of keeping up with their work, but they’re often so far behind it’s a waste of time. Rob was one of those. When Melanie got in touch with his form teacher to ask about work, he just laughed at her. There wasn’t much point in making him do lessons – he was only here for a couple of weeks – so he came to me to do some PD. Personal development.
A lot of the kids think PD is just a doddle. So it is – up to a point. It’s just games. You might do a drawing of yourself or write down what your good points are and what your bad points are and then afterwards everyone gets to talk about their choices. The kids all sit around looking bored more often than not. But, the thing is, talking about your good points and your bad points is a way of talking about yourself. It’s a way in. Before you know it, someone starts talking about what’s going on at home or at school or whatever. And with a bit of luck – out it all comes.
You’d be amazed at the things some of our kids have to put up with. People see them as troublemakers, but if you knew the trouble that’s going on in their lives you wouldn’t think like that. Imagine it. Your mum’s on the bottle and the baby needs looking after. Or your dad’s in prison and your mum’s depressed, there’s no money. Under those circumstances, if you’re a responsible person, school isn’t going to be your first priority, is it? Your brothers and sisters need feeding, the baby’s hungry – and you’re spending your day sitting in a classroom putting your education first? Would you put school at the top of your list if that was your life? I certainly wouldn’t. And then when you do go in, you’re treated like some kind of delinquent brat.
Those kids, to me, they’re not troublemakers – they’re heroes. Proper, real-life heroes. Giving up their chances in life to make sure that the people who are important to them are properly cared for – that’s heroic, isn’t it? And what do they get for it? The whole system comes down on them like a ton of bricks.
And then of course you also get the ones who are just useless lumps of trouble. You try to learn which ones are which. And, with a bit of experience, you can tell. Or you think you can.
And then you get taken down a peg or two.
We were doing a game called Futures. You write down what your dream for the future is. That’s it. Simple. Rob wanted to be a drummer in a death-metal band. Chris was in there, too. He wanted to be an entrepreneur and he was being a pain. He kept helping people.
‘Chris, what are you doing?’
‘I’m helping Maheed.’
‘Maheed, do you need any help?’
‘No, miss.’
‘Chris, let me repeat the question. What are you doing?’
‘I’m being helpful,’ he said.
‘No, you’re not. Helpful is when you do something people need. There’s no one in this room needs any help writing down a simple sentence saying what their dreams are. OK?’
‘All right, all right, keep your hair on.’
Irritating, when he puts his mind to it. Helpful and irritating? What’s that about?
I got back to Rob.
‘You play drums, then, do you, Rob?’ I asked him.
‘Used to,’ he said.
‘Oh, what happened?’
He shrugged. ‘Me dad got rid of them.’
‘Why’d he do that?’ I said.
Robbie smiled. ‘He said I was making a racket,’ he confessed. Everyone laughed. I waited. ‘Anyway,’ he said defensively. ‘He isn’t me real dad; he’s just a stepdad.’ And then he looked sideways at me and –
I know that look. I thought, Right.
We finished the session and I asked him to stay over. He didn’t like it, but he did as I asked. I waited till the rest of them had gone and I said, ‘I was just thinking, Rob, I don’t know anything about you really, do I?’
‘Nothing to know,’ he said.
‘So, tell me, how’s things at home?’
‘All right.’
‘What’s the set-up?’
He began to talk, slowly at first. About his mum moving out, leaving him behind with his brother and his stepdad. Then a load of stuff about how great his mum was. My God, she was some kind of superwoman, this mum of his. Nothing about his stepdad, though, or any blame for her for going off and leaving him. Just how great she was for buying him a T-shirt.
Buying him a T-shirt means that much?
‘And how does your brother get on with your stepdad?’
‘Pretty good. He’s his proper dad.’
‘Is he happy about your mum going?’
I asked a few more questions. Rob picked up a pencil and started doodling away, like he was bored. But, I knew, he wasn’t bored.
And then I struck pay dirt. ‘And how do you get on with your stepdad, then?’
Slowly at first. His dad going when he was small. Philip moving in. Philip scaring his mum. Scaring him.
Scaring him. I took a leap in the dark. ‘Rob. Is he hurting you?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘No, he wouldn’t do that.’
And then he started to cry.
Oh, Christ. Rob not telling his mum because he wants to look after her. Thinking that so long as Philip’s on his back he won’t hurt his mum or his brother. Carrying the whole mess on his own shoulders. I didn’t push it. I just let him talk. And talk and talk and talk. Nothing about being hurt – he wasn’t going to admit that, if that’s what it was. But all about how great his mum was and how bad Philip was, and how much he wanted to help her and how much he hated him. It took about fifteen minutes, I’d say. Light the blue touchpaper and stand back.
After he’d done, I leaned back and I said, ‘OK, Rob, I want to tell you how hearing that makes me feel, if that’s all right.’ He looked at me like I’d slapped him.
‘What?’ he said.
‘It makes me feel very, very angry that you’re being treated like that. It makes me feel very sad that there’s no one there to help you out and take that load off your shoulders. And another thing it makes me feel: it makes me feel a whole lot of respect for you, Rob.’
He looked at me like – respect? It had never occurred to him that anything he did was worth respecting.
‘The way you look after your little brother. I don’t know if I could do that. You must get very angry with him sometimes, because he’s the favourite. But instead of taking it out on Davey, you look out for him. No wonder he loves you so much. No wonder your mum trusts you so much to keep an eye out for him.’
‘Yeah, well,’ he muttered. He looked astonished. But I meant every word.
‘And not telling your mum how much Philip bullies you – that’s really brave,’ I said. He hadn’t said a word about being bullied, but he didn’t disagree.
‘I do have a problem with it, mind. Protecting your mum, that’s not your job. It’s not fair on you. But I have so much respect for you, Rob, for your courage, for your faith in people. You’re a hero. No, I mean it. You have all these troubles on your shoulders, at home, at school, here – and there you are, looking after the people who mean something to you. Not lashing out at them, not causing them trouble – taking care of the people you love. I can’t tell you how much respect I have for that.’
‘Yeah, well,’ he muttered. He looked so embarrassed, poor love. But then I got my reward. He peeped up and smiled at me – a great big smile.
Put me in my place, eh?
We talked a little longer. I’ve not got it all out of him, not by a mile – but it’s a start. I got his records out. Moved here from Manchester just a few months ago. Wonder what the story is behind that? Excluded for bullying. I know that school. They have a culture of bullying there. I should have had my alarm bells ringing about this right at the start. Sometimes, it’s easier for the school to get rid of the kid who’s being bullied, rather than take on the whole culture. That way they only have to deal with one kid and not half the students there. Not to mention the teachers. I’ll bet my bottom dollar that’s what’s happened with our Rob.
He should be coming here full time. I’ll have a word with Jim to get on to the school, and see what we can do for him.
There we go. Another lesson, another kid. Hero or troublemaker? You tell me. Maybe it’s the same thing.
After Rob had left I went round and gathered everyone’s papers together and had a quick look. They’d all written something, except – guess who? Chris Trent. Now, that was a surprise. There was his name, nice and neat at the top. Rest of the paper – blank. I thought, You lazy little get. Anything to get out of doing any work, is that it, Chris? I might have left it there, but … what about all that fuss in class earlier? Fidgeting in his chair. Helping everyone whether they need it or not. He’d been more trouble than the rest of them put together.
I went and checked his notes. I was amazed. His work in school was pretty patchy, but it was the homework. He hadn’t done any for four years. Nothing. They’d tried every measure on earth to get him to do the work, and he refused to shift. That’s pretty committed laziness, isn’t it? So what’s that about? Principles? You reckon?
Because I don’t.
I’d call that more like a cry for help.