Cookie and me, we’re two of a kind. All he thinks about is having a laugh and where his next drink’s coming from. I can get that. He’s the kind of bloke Hannah would say isn’t good enough for me, but at least he doesn’t try and tell me how I ought to be living my life. And he’s willing to feed me and put me up. He gave me a key so I could let myself in and out, and a twenty to get some stuff in while he was out at work. Keep me out of sight while the police are looking for me. Who else is going to do that for me? Barbara and Hannah?
I don’t think so. What are friends for? If you can’t do that for me, don’t bother.
Cookie was working afternoons and evenings, so he slept late, but we had a couple of hours the next morning after I turned up. It was good. I felt OK for the first time in ages. I was tempted to go back and pick up some spare clothes and get my phone from Barbara’s. If I had the phone, maybe I’d have rung Hannah. But I didn’t dare. The local cops all know my face. I’d be picked up in a minute.
I put my things in the washer. Cookie had Sky, so I watched a few old episodes of Gavin & Stacey and Friends, then I got bored so I started cleaning up the flat. Make myself useful. I can be proper domestic if I get the chance. I didn’t have a change of clothes, though, and I looked a right idiot running around dressed in a pair of Cookie’s boxers and a T-shirt. Still, by the time he came back about eight, I had it nice. He was pleased.
‘Look at me, pissing in a clean pan. Like a king, I am. This is the life,’ he was going.
And I was going, ‘Get off, you moron,’ but I was pleased too. I wasn’t so pleased when his mate Jez turned up, with me in Cookie’s underpants. I had to borrow a pair of trackie bottoms to cover up. I felt like an idiot. They thought it was hilarious, especially Jez. Then he kept trying it on, like he always does – brushing past and offering to give me one and trying to touch me up. He does it like it’s a joke, right under Cookie’s nose. Cookie just ignores him, but he doesn’t like it. I can tell, the way he looks. He never dares say anything, though. He’s always going on about how him and Jez are these big mates, but that’s not being much of a mate. I reckon he’s scared of him. He’s a big bloke, Jez, and he gets funny when he doesn’t get things his own way. Like I said, I don’t do bullies. I said to Cookie ages ago, just pick a fight with him. Even if you lose, he won’t come round any more. Get it over with. That’s what I’d do. But it’s not my house and it’s not my mate, so I just have to put up with it.
That kind of put a spoiler on the night. They stayed up for hours drinking. Cookie’s about the most thoughtless bloke in the world – but he makes me laugh. He doesn’t care about anything and I can’t stay cross with him for long. He came to bed and we made up. He gave me some more money in the morning to go and buy some pants and stuff the next day, and some trackies that fitted, so at least I had a change of clothes.
I shouldn’t have bothered cleaning the flat, though. It gave him ideas. He came home a few days later wanting his tea.
‘What do you want tea for?’ I asked him. ‘You’ve been working in a restaurant all day.’
‘I’m sick of burgers,’ he said. ‘I want some proper tea.’
‘Get lost. I’ll boil you an egg, then.’
‘No, that’s breakfast.’
‘Like we’re married? You must be joking. What do you want?’
‘I dunno. Something that’s not burgers and chips. Go on, Billie.’
‘I can’t cook.’
‘You’re a girl.’
‘You noticed.’
‘You do domestic science at school, don’t you?’
‘I don’t go to school. I hate domestic science.’
‘Go on. It’s fair. You’re staying here.’
‘I’m not your mum.’
‘I know. Go on.’
He drove me mad. I went out and bought him some ready meals in the end. He moaned about how much it cost, but he liked it. It was stupid, but it was kind of fun once I got over the idea. I looked forward to him coming home from work. It was nice to make him welcome. I made a deal with him, that I’d get some food in for him if he had a shower when he got back. He stank of burgers. The sofa stank of burgers where he’d been sitting on it, the bed stank of burgers, everywhere stank of burgers. I stank of burgers. I’d just wash my stuff and he’d come back and be all over me and I’d smell as bad as he did.
We got a nice little routine going after a while. He’d come home with something to drink, we’d open a can while I heated up his dinner. Then we’d eat, then I’d make him have a shower before he got anywhere near me. Then we’d watch a bit of telly.
‘This is great. Clean house, dinner in the oven, sex on the table,’ he said. ‘This must be what people have girlfriends for.’ He’s a laugh. I didn’t mind. One day a really nice fella’ll come along, I suppose, but meanwhile, I dunno. I don’t mind. Cookie’s not the brightest candle on the cake, but at least you know what you’re getting. He’s on my side. He was putting me up and paying my way. I knew it wasn’t going to last forever but for now, for a couple of weeks or something … it was OK.