Jesse
There was the sound of sputtering air as I moved the spigot forward and nothing but white foam dripped out of the spout. The keg under the bar was out of beer and needed replacing. It felt like an eternity since I had been working at Rookies with Kenny and Chase. So much had happened in Italy that the entire experience seemed like it happened a million years ago, but the pain of losing Niki was still fresh in my heart.
The daily chores that I used to do now seem foreign and I moved stiffly through the motions of replacing the empty keg. It was late morning and the California sun was doing its usual thing, shining without fail. Kenny and I were getting ready to open the bar for the day.
I squatted down behind the bar to loosen the valve that connected the keg to the tap apparatus. Kenny came out from his office in the back and picked up a clean bar towel. Several beer and wine glasses sat upside down on the counter outside of the glass wash sinks and Kenny began wiping the spots off the glasses, one by one.
We had been talking all morning as we worked, getting caught up on what had happened here in Santa Monica while I was away and I filled him in on all the crap that happened to me in Italy, both the good and the bad. It felt good to be able to talk to him so openly. Despite the years that we were apart, it was amazing how quickly we fell into a comfortable relationship when I first came to California to help him with his bar. It really did feel like we were father and son.
So we chatted, to pass the time while we worked and the bond grew deeper.
“Hey, Kenny. When I was in Italy I saw a lot of Ferraris on the street in Milan. The Italians are crazy about them. Do you like Ferraris?”
“Those are nice cars, alright. But you know me, I’m a Camero man. Love the old muscle cars.”
The white bar rag paused, as Kenny thought for a moment then said, “It’s nice to have you back, son.”
“Oh we’re back to that, are we?” I chuckled and stood up, finished with swapping out the beer kegs. A mischievous smile curved my lips and I said, “So I noticed since I’ve been back that Mom has moved out of the spare bedroom and into yours.”
“Yeah, I want to talk to you about something.” He set the cleaned glass up onto the shelf behind the bar with all the others and tossed the towel onto the work station area.
He had a serious look on his face when he spoke. “Since Emily’s dad, your grandfather, is no longer around to ask, I want to ask you if I have your permission to marry your mom?”
“Whoa. A lot really has happened while I was in Italy. Kenny, that’s great.”
Kenny pulled a dark blue velvet ring box out of his pants pocket and opened it to show me the ring. I didn’t know much about engagement rings but this one looked cool. It was simple, with one large diamond set on a gold band, yet impressive. It sparked in the reflection of the overhead bar lights so I figured Mom would like it just fine. But was she ready for this? It was a big step and she had been hurt so many times in the past.
“Moving kind of fast, aren’t you?”
“I’m not getting any younger, you know, and who knows if she’ll even say yes? I know she’s fragile, but I truly hope she does say yes. I know it’s probably hard for you to think of your parents this way, having romantic feelings, but I’ll tell you Jesse, as you get older it never changes. You still want that ultimate connection with someone. I didn’t think it was possible. She makes me feel young again. I even surprised myself. It’s amazing how the heart flourishes when you meet the right person. The body may get old and have problems that can’t be fixed, but the heart can always be mended.”
“Looks like I might have to call you Dad, after all. Oh great, one more issue I have to work out in my counseling sessions.” I smiled and gave him a light punch on the upper arm “You know I’m kidding.”
“You can call me whatever you want. You don’t need to call me Dad. I want to tell you something though, if you don’t mind me giving you some advice. Jesse, I know you’re hurting over Niki and I really hope it works out, but no matter what happens, there are people here who love you very much. And you should be proud of this— I will always be grateful to you, not only for the bone marrow thing but for bringing your mom and me together again. I would be dead by now if it weren’t for you. You made it all happen. You made it possible for me to have a future.”
“Don’t get all sappy on me. That’s what anyone would do, especially a son.” I felt something softening in my heart. It was like the Grinch in the Christmas cartoon I watched every year when I was a child. My heart opened and felt like it expanded. This was a new sensation for me. Other than Niki, I had never realized a person could feel like this toward their father, since my own father, the man who raised me, had been a drunk. He wasn’t the best at handling his emotions. That’s why he drank, I suppose. Growing up with a crazy home life only taught me the mistaken idea that men drink away their problems.
It felt a little strange now, this new idea of what it meant to be a man. It was a glimpse at happiness, hope for what could be and now I was finally thankful to have Kenny as my role model.
“I’m really proud of you, Jesse. Not many people have someone like you in their life. I consider myself very lucky.” There was a tear in Kenny’s eye as he gave me the typical man-hug. I felt a little awkward, as I wasn’t used to dealing with men who show emotions other than anger. I was more used to averting my feelings with crass remarks and calling my friends the beloved “asshole” word, or something like “shit for brains.” But I was convinced they always understood that I said it with love.
I ducked my head down, sheepishly, not knowing what to say. Was that a lump growing in my throat? Kenny relieved me of my awkward moment by saying, “Well, let’s get back to work.” Customers will be coming in. You can go unlock the door, now.”
I took the keys from behind the counter and went to the front door. I hadn’t noticed someone standing on the other side of the glass, waiting to get in. I turned the key thinking how impatient this person was when I looked up in surprise.
“Niki.”
Oh shit. Niki showed up to see me. This could be a good sign, or it could be a bad sign; either way, my heart leapt into my throat and I could barely get the words out, but before I had a chance, she made the first move and spoke. “Hey, Jess.” She peered over my shoulder as I held open the door and when she spotted Kenny she didn’t come in. Instead, she said, “Can we take a walk?”
I turned my head in Kenny’s direction and yelled across the empty tables, “Is it okay if I take ten minutes?”
Kenny’s head popped up from the screen on the cash register and he caught sight of Niki, standing in the doorway. She gave a little wave and said “Hi,” to Kenny.
He smiled and waved us away and yelled back, “Yeah, yeah, go on, you two.”
I dropped the front door keys into my pocket and held the door for Niki as we walked out.
As we strolled down the sidewalk I hardly noticed the day was clear and sunny. I was too busy trying to gauge Niki’s mood. We walked and I looked at her sideways, trying to read the expression on her face. She was so beautiful, all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and beg her for another chance. But I had to bite my tongue and bide my time. I needed to let her say what she had come here for.
“How’s your mom?”
This was starting out awkward and a little stiff. “She’s doing great. You’re not going to believe this, but my dad’s going to propose to her. Yeah, I know that sounds strange, but... go figure it.”
“Aw, how exciting.” Niki sounded truly delighted by the news and I was glad it made her smile. “I guess it’s true what they say, love conquers all.”
I smiled. “Words of wisdom.” I wagged my head from side to side. “Sooo, does that apply to us, too?” I peered over at her, searching her eyes.
“Well about that. My dad came to my apartment earlier today.”
“Your dad? Oh, he must be thrilled,” I said sarcastically. “I suppose my recent events haven’t helped to improve his opinion of me.”
“Not exactly, but you know my dad, he just came by to tell me what he thinks is best for me.”
“That’s no news.”
She looked at me and rolled her eyes.
“Look, Jesse, you have to understand that when I saw Gio that day at his studio with a broken nose, I thought you had lost it. I thought, this time you’ve gone too far and I swore I would never see you again. Now I understand. I know you were upset because of the photos, but even if they were genuine and real, handling it the way you did is not a quality I look for in a man.”
“I know and I’m sorry, again. I told you I’m in therapy and it’s going great.”
“Which is the reason why I’m here right now, to tell you that I want to help you through this, that I’ll be by your side. Jesse, I want to help you... and not just as a friend.”
Niki stopped walking and turned to look me in the eyes. “I missed you, Jesse.”
That was a start. My pulse picked up as I waited to hear more. I hadn’t intended it, but we had walked down to the beach, only three blocks from Rookies. The sun was glistening off the water, a light breeze was blowing Niki’s hair. It wasn’t summer, like when we first met, but Niki still looked amazing standing there, pulling her hair out of her face as it whipped in the breeze. Life looked bright again.
By this time, I was pretty sure she had come to take me back. She wouldn’t have come all this way if she never wanted to see me again. It was a good sign and I was about to go with my gut instinct and make a bold move.
She opened her mouth to speak and I stopped her. “Before you continue... do you know what this reminds me of? Her eyes followed mine as they scanned the empty sand and she pulled her jacket around her body tighter.
“What?”
I cupped her face in his hands and in a low voice said, “The first time I did this...” And I drew her soft full lips into my mouth. I could feel her body relax as she melted into my arms, her tongue filling my mouth, swirling and twisting into the sweetest tasting kiss I’d ever had. Her hands clung to my forearms as we deepened the kiss and I could feel her trembling beneath my touch. I pulled back from the kiss but held her head to mine, our foreheads touching and with my eyes closed, I whispered, “I love you.” Then I waited, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping to hear those same words spoken back to me.
“I love you too, Jesse.” And my heart sang, “She loves me, she still loves me.” Slipping both of my arms around her, I opened my eyes, happy again. I pulled her close, and locked my arms around her tightly, partially to keep her warm from the cold breeze, but mostly because I was never going to let her go again.
I rocked our bodies from side to side, with her head was buried in my chest and, even though I couldn’t see it, I knew she was smiling. I tipped my head down enough to talk into her ear and said, “So now what? Where do we go from here?”
She tipped her head up wearing a big grin and with a sparkle in her eyes, said, “Well, someone once told me, ‘Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery.’”