So, now you’re in San Francisco, perhaps here to stay. Your belongings have arrived, your children are in school, you’ve most likely started to work at a job with new colleagues, and even your dog has made friends in the park. What comes next? That’s clear: building your life in a city that may have civil laws, but seems to have few rules—or even guidelines—for individual behavior. But certainly, it must. Actually, there are very few, and San Franciscans, being an outspoken lot, will let you know when you’ve broken some—no doubt arcane—taboo. Pay attention to those around you, and ask if you have a question. Herewith just a few reminders of what San Franciscans know.
Do remember that the climate in San Francisco is ever-changing. Unless there is a definite heat wave, think about taking a jacket when you go out. And, because summer is a cool and foggy season, women don’t usually wear white shoes and white clothing as though they were in the tropics. Do wear light-colored suits and shoes, if you like, but not necessarily white. The same holds true for men.
Do understand that San Francisco accepts people for who and what they are. Thus, people’s lifestyle choices—whether you approve of them or not—are their business and not yours. Don’t show disapproval or in any way try to impede behavior that you think is inappropriate, unless it is obviously criminal, illegal, or endangering others.
Do be careful when you are out late at night; petty crime, pick-pocketing, and purse snatchings do exist, especially in some peripheral areas South of Market or the Tenderloin. Do take the usual precautions that you would in any large city; stay on well-lighted, well-populated streets, and if you must go into a neighborhood that is “iffy,” go in a group.
Do realize that Americans may be casual, even in first encounters. Don’t be offended if you are called by your given name immediately upon meeting someone. This holds true even when you make a business call: expect to be called by your first name and don’t insist on formality in response.
Do remember that San Francisco has a high rate of HIV and Aids. If you meet someone and are considering an intimate relationship, do practice “safe sex,” no matter how “safe” you think your new partner may be. Or, you and your partner might decide together to have AIDs tests; several clinics offer free and confidential testing. (See page 156.)
Do be a generous tipper in a restaurant. Servers earn low salaries and depend on their tips. Generally, the tip is not included in the bill, so if the service is good, add somewhere between 15–20 per cent. If the service is not good, leave less or inform the management that you were not treated well. In some restaurants, a tip is included in the bill if the party has six people or more.
Do be on time for a social engagement. San Francisco is an “early town,” and even on weekends, you may well be invited to someone home for dinner at 7:00 or 7:30 pm. Both at someone’s home or at a restaurant, arrive within ten minutes of the specified time. Call if you’re going to be late. And, if you change your plans and can’t eat where you’ve reserved, call to cancel the reservation. Don’t just not show up.
Do offer the person you’re with a taste of your dinner when you’re in a restaurant. That’s what people do. And don’t be offended if someone asks—or, heaven forbid!—even reaches over and spears something off your place. Do feel free to accept a taste of your friend’s dinner when offered, but don’t feel obliged, if you don’t want to.
Do remember that San Franciscans dress casually. It depends on your social group and where you’re going, but it’s often okay to wear jeans in the evening—if they’re clean and you don’t look sloppy.
Do remember that smoking is illegal in all restaurants and bars and public spaces. This is one instance when you can admonish someone else: if they are smoking in a prohibited area and it is offending you. Do be polite but firm.
Don’t call the city Frisco. Do call the city San Francisco, or The City. If a local asks whether you live in Marin, for example, you might answer, “No, I live in The City.”
Don’t call the towns or the rest of the Bay Area “suburbs.” Do refer to the areas as “The East Bay” (east); “Marin” (north); “The South Bay” or “The Peninsula” (south).
Don’t be upset if a new acquaintance who has expressed warm interest in knowing you doesn’t call you to get together. This happens; people are busy in their lives and with their friends and colleagues. If this happens, wait a short while and then do take the initiative: call and suggest a definite day for a movie or a dinner or a hike—or whatever you have in common. You might say, “Would you like to see the film at the Roxie next Saturday?” Then you can negotiate a time. Or if the person doesn’t seem interested, drop it and don’t pursue it further.