Chapter 8

The tour van pulled away from the camp at promptly eight a.m., with both of us a bit bleary eyed, from lack of sleep.

“Coffee,” Avi said, crushing his face into my shoulder. “Please.”

“Maybe if you beg in Thai, the driver will stop at the first Starbucks we pass.”

“There are no Starbucks in the jungle, just the city. It’s my fault. I took your clothes off. Jungle Lesson Number One: if you want to sleep, do not drink wine and crawl into bed next to a naked auburn-haired, green-eyed girl named Julie.”

“Would you have preferred we spent the night sleeping?” I asked, patting his head like a child.

“No freakin’ way. But, the idea of riding on an elephant right now doesn’t sound appealing.”

“We’ll find coffee. Don’t be a wimp. We’re riding elephants whether you like it or not.”

***

Fortunately, the driver stopped at a gas station that sold coffee. It took an hour to reach the elephant ranch. The place didn’t look very impressive or smell very impressive. We walked from the parking lot down a well-worn dirt path, passing a few elephants tied to fences, munching on palm fronds. A few palm trees and rubber trees speckled the flat landscape. In the distance, I saw a stream with elephants lumbering through the water bearing people on their backs.

The tour guide directed us to a wooden platform lofted on stilts crafted from thick logs. He pointed to the stairs where at least twenty tourists already stood in line.

“That’s a lot of people,” I said to Avi, wondering how much an elephant could hold on his back.

“Yeah, it’s actually kind of sad. A lot of these places don’t treat the animals very well. The staff works them too hard, and some places don’t feed the poor elephants enough. What’s really sad is the babies are often separated from the mother too soon.”

I gazed back at the munching elephants, trying to find evidence of abuse. I didn’t see any, but they all looked depressed. “Do elephants always look so sad?”

He shrugged. “I’m not up on elephant facial expressions.”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him from the line. “I don’t want to do this. Let’s buy some elephant food.” I pointed to a small hut selling bananas and cuts of sugar cane. “Those two over there--” I turned and pointed at two large elephants in a fenced enclosure. “--look like they’d enjoy an afternoon snack.”

We bought two baskets of bananas and one of sugar cane before walking over to a large female. I held out the banana. She extended her trunk, pulled it from my grip, and popped it into her mouth. Before I could pull another banana from the basket, she stuck her trunk into the basket and grabbed more. “She wants all of them!”

“Of course, she does. If you needed to eat over three hundred pounds of food a day, you’d go after the whole basket too.”

I laughed as we continued feeding the elephant we nicknamed Daisy. “I can’t wait to tell Ja...” A wave of sadness gripped my heart the moment I realized I’d never tell Jack about this place. He would have adored it here. I imagined him standing in Avi’s spot, telling me to smile for the camera. Everywhere he went, Jack took copious amounts of pictures, but never developed them.

“What did you say?” Avi asked.

“Nothing.” I bit my lower lip and tried to will away the sadness, because once again, it wasn’t fair. I was having the time of my life, and Jack had no life.

Avi must have noticed the change in my demeanor, because suddenly I was wrapped in his arms. His lips brushed my ear. “From what you’ve told me about him, he would have loved this place. Now, you have to love it for him.”

I squeezed him tight, but my heart pounded out the words, No, no, no. Jack wouldn’t want me to love it. He’d want me to sit on his grave and talk to him, telling him how much I missed him and how unfair life is.

I wiggled from his arms, stepped to the fence, and leaned against the wooden railing separating me from Daisy. Alarm rang out in my head when she lifted her trunk and extended it toward me. I turned to look at Avi, but, within a breath, she snaked it around my neck, like a boa constrictor suffocating its prey. Panic hit like a bullet--the elephant was strangling me. Try to peel the trunk off my neck or stand still? I wanted to call out, but the words didn’t move from my head to my lips. The tip of her trunk brushed my ear as she moved it toward my cheek. The trunk tightened, and a loud sneezing sound caused my body to freeze--yuk. She soaked my face in elephant snot, unfurled her trunk from my neck, and stepped backward. Daisy gave me the elephant equivalent of a raspberry on the left side of my face.

“Yuk--elephant goop,” I said, pulling my snot splattered sunglasses from my face. “Get me a napkin or something, please.”

Her mahout, who had been sitting on the fence watching us, said something in Thai and laughed.

“He said she must like you because she doesn’t kiss many people. Hey, Daisy,” Avi yelled. “She’s mine. Find your own girlfriend.” He laughed and walked off to the banana stand. The shack stood at least twenty-five yards away, but his hand gestures conveyed that he was asking for something to wipe my face.

I turned my attention back to Daisy, who had returned to chomping palm fronds, and thought about Avi’s words. He’d said “mine” and “girlfriend.” Was I his or even his girlfriend? Those words didn’t imply beach-side fling.

He returned holding a few sheets of old newspaper. “No napkins. The lady said they only sell elephant food and elephants don’t use napkins.” He handed me a sheet for my face and with another sheet, he wiped my sunglasses until they reached a perfect smear. “Stop, I’ll find a lady’s room to clean them and scrub my face.”

After I cleaned up, we spent another hour wandering around the grounds, stopping to watch a baby elephant stretching to suckle under its mother. The mother kept moving to reach palm fronds, forcing the baby to continually reposition itself to latch on. After a few minutes, momma elephant settled down and stood still, letting junior elephant enjoy a liquid lunch.

Finally, the tour guide rounded us all up and loaded our group back into the van. Everyone chattered in their own language. Avi joined in the French couple’s conversation, and, within minutes, they looked at me, laughing.

“You told them about the elephant kiss, right?”

“Had to, your expression when she sprayed your face was priceless.” He pulled me into a deep kiss that lit my body on fire, erased the people around us and the elephants of Thailand.

***

The van stopped in front of a small bed and breakfast on the main road. The French couple said, “Au revoir,” while hoisting their packs onto their backs. The Dutch family hauled their huge backpacks into deluxe looking, six-story hotel, in the heart of Patong. By the time it reached my hostel, it was seven-thirty. Avi unloaded our backpacks, tipped the driver and the tour guide. As usual, he refused to let me pay for anything.

“We need to get something straight before Koh Samui,” I said.

“Fine, you can have the left side of the bed if it matters that much to you.” He planted a quick kiss on my cheek.

I pulled his arms, turning his body until we stood face to face. “This is serious. Unless you let me pay for half of everything, I don’t want you to come. You’re not responsible for my expenses on this trip. Fifty-fifty from now on.”

He looked down, kicking at an imaginary something, avoiding my gaze. “I’m not used to this. Isn’t the guy supposed to pay for the date?”

“Yes, in 1946. This is 2010. Women have rights, and I have the right to pay my own way.”

“Fine, fifty-fifty,” he said, with downcast eyes.

I threw my arms around his neck. “Great, now kiss me.”

He broke the kiss. “Let’s dump your stuff and grab a pizza.”

“On me.”

He grumbled something in Hebrew. I didn’t ask what.

The Israeli owner, Yossi, met us at the door. After the hugging and the welcoming finished, he led us to a quiet table in the back of the small restaurant. “No one will bother you here,” he said, seating Avi with his back to the door. He handed me a menu and then one to Avi. “I know you want a beer.” He turned and looked at me.

“Chardonnay,” I replied.

He nodded and walked away.

“What an odd thing to say. Why would he think someone would bother you if you sat in the front?”

“His English isn’t so great. I think what he meant to say was this spot is quiet, and we can enjoy our dinner without the noise of the street.”

Yossi’s English sounded pretty good to me. “He really goes over the top greeting you.” I lifted the menu and dropped the issue.

He shrugged. “Israelis--kind of loud and over the top. Black olives and mushrooms okay with you?”

“Sure.” I scanned the room, noticing something odd. If Israelis were “like that,” why wasn’t Yossi doting on all the Israeli customers?

“I have an early flight tomorrow. If I stay with you, I won’t get any sleep in that little bed.”

“I’ve been wondering where you’re staying. Maybe tonight’s the night I find out?”

He fiddled with a fork before leaning back into his chair, appearing uncomfortable. “I’m staying with Orrie, you know him, the security guard at Chabad and another guy, who guards the day shift. They’re slobs. I’m embarrassed to bring you there.”

“Are you all piled into one room?”

“Not exactly. There are two bedrooms. Orrie gave up his for me.”

“That’s a very generous thing to do. Most people would give you the sofa.”

He shrugged. “He’s an insomniac, and the only television is in the living room. Would you mind spending the night, even though both will be home?”

“No, Orrie is a nice guy, and I’m assuming we’ll be alone in the bedroom most of the time.”

“Fine, my place. I mean their place.”

We strolled for six blocks, in the opposite direction of my hostel. “Wow, I didn’t realize how far you had to walk.”

“You’re worth the walk. We’re here.” He pointed at a building few yards away. “Would you mind waiting outside for a few minutes? I need to inspect the bathroom, the kitchen and make sure everyone is wearing pants.”

“No problem.” I kissed him before he walked down the sidewalk leading to glass double doors.

He stopped and turned. “I’ll be right back.”

The three-story apartment building abutted the beach, about four blocks from the tourist area. Unlike the rest of the town, this street was empty. Only the sound of waves, roaring onto the sand behind the building disturbed the silence. For a couple of security guards, it looked like a swanky building. I walked the length of it, inhaling the scent of the jasmine flowers planted between the wall of the building and the sidewalk. The sidewalk turned sharply to the left, and, fifty feet ahead, I spotted a large swimming pool shaded by Plumeria trees. When I reached the pool, I noticed a handful of white flowers floating lazily on top of the sparkling water. While inhaling the scent of flowers mixed with the salty air, I bent down and skimmed my finger over the water--warm and tempting.

After a few moments, I shook the water from my hand and returned to the front of the building, not wanting Avi to come outside and think I left. Next to an enormous purple rhododendron was a small cement bench. I sat down and waited.

After ten minutes, he walked out the front door.

“It’s safe now,” he said. His voice sounded flat.

“If you don’t want me to stay, that’s fine. I can go back to the hostel and meet you for an early cup of coffee.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t want to waste a night we could be together.” He clasped my hand, weaving his fingers with mine and led me through the door.

As we walked across the enormous cream marble floor of the lobby, I scanned the room. There was no back wall. A wide waterfall covered the spot where the wall should have been. Water ran over a long black rock that acted as a ledge and spilled into a pool filled with coy. Teak bookshelves ran the length of the left wall. Strategically spaced around the marble floor were clusters of cream colored sofas, high back chairs, and teak end tables that matched the bookshelves. Glass balls suspended from the ceiling bathed the room in a soft white light.

“Wow, this place is gorgeous. Chabad must pay really well,” I said, turning my head to continue looking at the glass ball lights.

“That, I don’t know.”

The elevator doors opened. He pushed the button for the third floor. There were only two doors, one at each end of the long hallway, which meant the entire floor consisted of only two apartments. Both had to be huge. He led me to the door on the left.

The inside was nothing like I’d imagined. This wasn’t a Phuket, Thailand, apartment. This was an Upper East Side Manhattan apartment, plate glass windows and a sliding glass door leading to a balcony overlooking the Andaman Sea. The apartment’s floor plan was open and bright. The stainless steel and marble kitchen looked like a professional chef’s dream come true. The living room held all the clues that the inhabitants were three males, a giant flat screen television and three video game controllers sitting on a glass-top coffee table.

The apartment wasn’t spotless, but it was far from embarrassing. “You call this messy?” I asked, squeezing his hand.

“I’m a fast cleaner.”

A tall, thin guy walked out of one of the rooms. He wore a yarmulke and the strings of his tzitzit hung below his white shirt.

“David,” Avi pronounced his name with a Hebrew accent. “This is Julie.”

“Hi,” I said, stepping forward, but David didn’t extend his hand.

“Hi, sorry, I don’t shake, but it’s nice to meet you.” He walked to the kitchen, saying nothing else.

“A man of few words,” Avi whispered in my ear, pulling me toward the other bedroom.

“What’s the real reason you didn’t want me to come here?”

“I didn’t want you to feel awkward in an apartment with two guys.”

“I lived with my brother, remember. His friends spent large parts of their week in our living room watching sports. I’m used to being around guys. Actually, I’m more used to them than women.”

“I guess I was trying to impress you and felt awkward bringing you here. Sorry.”

“You impressed me the first day.” I flopped backwards onto the king-sized bed and log rolled across it. “Ahhh, a real bed. The one in the hut was good, but this is perfection.”

“Then move over, I’m joining you.”

He jumped onto the bed, landing on his hands and knees, pinning me to the bed. “Perfection? We can’t know that until proper testing has occurred.” He slipped his hand under my shirt and rolled over, pulling me against his chest and encasing me in his arms and legs. “You’re covered in entirely too much clothing.” His voice oozed, smooth, and sexy. His blue eyes bore into me. “It’s time to take it all off.”

Touching him made my heart pound. Desire for him throbbed through every cell in my body. I couldn’t get enough of him.

***

At about two a.m., I woke, and Avi wasn’t next to me. I sat up and spotted him sitting at his desk, hunched over, writing something in a book opened in front of him. “What are you doing?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

“Nothing, couldn’t fall back to sleep. I didn’t want to disturb you, so I started reading, which led to writing down a few notes.” He opened the drawer and put the book inside. “Now that you’re awake, the bed looks more interesting. Though I love watching you sleep. You look like a princess from a fairy tale.”

I patted the spot next to me. “It’s lonely in this big bed without you.” A jolt of pain stabbed me as I heard my own words. In ten days, my bed would be permanently empty. Never again would I wake to the blissful feeling of being in his arms or open my eyes and see his. Tears fogged my vision. This trip backfired in my face. I came to Thailand to accept one loss. Now, I’ll go home mourning two losses. I should have said “no” when he asked to join me in Koh Samui. What’s the sense of dragging out the inevitable end--goodbye forever. He’d go to Israel, and me, back to Pittsburgh.

I should spend my time in Koh Samui alone, focusing on my mission--figuring out how to live without Jack.

Shit, why did I continue lying to myself? My future held nothing but flying home to the PNC Bank job, living with my father until I could afford an apartment, and spending the rest of my time on Earth missing Jack. Now, I could add wondering about Avi’s life.

Maybe Jack would understand if I spent the next ten days enjoying my time with Avi. Would he understand that I’ve never been with anyone and probably never will be with another man as perfect as Avi? Tears streamed down my face. Avi spooned behind me, nuzzling his face into my neck.

Jack, my heart whispered. I love you, and I’m so sorry you died, and I didn’t. I’ll never stop mourning you. I used your insurance money for an adventure. I thought that would make you happy. I’m in Thailand now. And, Jack, I met someone wonderful. I think you’d like him. In ten days, I go home, and I’ll never see him again. I didn’t mean to, but I think I’ve fallen in love with him--the kind of love you pushed me to find. Could you forgive me for being happy for the next ten days? Maybe it’s the only love I’m supposed to get in this life. The kind of love you said you had with your Israeli girl. When I get home, I promise to visit you every day. Feeling happy is more painful than grief. You deserved happiness, not me.

I swiped at my tears and felt Avi’s strong arms grip me tighter.

“Are you crying?” he whispered in my ear.

I shook my head. He rolled me to face him and slid his thumbs over my tears, wiping them away. “This isn’t because it took me so long to bring you here, is it?”

My hand clamped behind his head, and I pulled his face to mine, kissing him as more tears flowed down my face, wetting his.

He pulled back and ran his hand over my hair. “Do you want to talk about this?”

Again, I shook my head, but my hands showed him exactly what I wanted.