After his first turn in the battle chair, Joseph barely spoke. He allowed me and Ming to support most of his weight on the way back to his room. Ming looked worried as we tucked him into bed.
“He’ll be better after he sleeps,” I told her. “You rest, too.”
She left, still looking anxious.
With a blue coverlet tucked up next to his ear, he looked like the boy who had flown away from me all those years ago.
He had been near Caro’s age when he’d first demonstrated his strange capabilities. Joseph’s skills were utterly strange to us on Fremont. They had stolen his childhood, and I suppose, mine. We had been defined by his strangeness, which drove him, scarred him, and fascinated him. I had helped, but from outside of his strange world. Caro was inside. What was that like?
I needlessly straightened his blankets and checked that he had a bulb of fresh water locked into the holder on his bedside table. Hopefully he would sleep through the whole break. I couldn’t.
I found Liam and Kayleen passed out in our big bed. Caro leaned on pillows in the corner, Jherrel sound asleep next to her.
She looked up as I walked in and held her arms out. “Hello, Momma Chelo.”
I picked her up and took her to the shared galley closest to our living quarters. Thankfully, it was empty. She looked fine. Normal. Not even particularly tired. Amusing, that, and also slightly irritating. As I ordered up hot cereal with berries for breakfast, I tried to sound casual. “Did you have a good night?”
Her plump fingers twisted together in her lap. Surely, she knew Joseph had told me what she’d done. Apparently, she didn’t want to talk about it. “Daddy promised he’d make me another cake.”
I couldn’t let her escape so easily. “Why did you find Joseph last night?”
“Because he’s going to need me one day.”
The bowls of oatmeal were almost ready. I poured tea for me, juice for her, and set the table. “Need you for what?”
“You know how you help him?”
“Yes.” I froze.
“I do that for him inside the data.”
I swallowed. I calmed Joseph’s fears and kept him out of his own dark places. This was no work for Caro. “What do you mean?”
“I make him feel good and help him go farther. I help him stay connected to his body, too.”
I set the bowls down and took my seat. “You might distract him, sweetheart. We need him to protect us.”
Her eyes widened. “That’s why I matter.”
I took a few bites, buying time. “Do you know what war is?”
“It’s killing.” She smiled. “I have to be sure we don’t get killed.”
I found her smile disconcerting. “That’s Joseph’s job.” I tried to soften the knives in my voice. “And Captain Hill’s job. Would you like me to ask her if you can be assigned a job? Like watching the hydroponics garden? You could help us make sure our food supply is safe.”
She shook her head and glared at me, her look so precious it was hard not to burst out laughing or scoop her into my arms. But this could mean her life or her health. “It’s dangerous,” I told her. “Being in war. Joseph says other Wind Readers could attack us. That’s how he met Marcus. Marcus was trying to force Joseph’s first ship to land. Did Joseph tell you that story?”
She nodded. “And then they became friends.”
“It didn’t have to end up that way.” How was she always a step ahead of me? I leaned in. “Caro. You can’t do this. It could hurt you,” I whispered. “Sometimes Wind Readers get sick when they try too hard, and then they can’t be Wind Readers anymore.” I hesitated. But she knew. “Like your mother. She used to be stronger. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
She ate the rest of her cereal without looking at me, then carried her bowl to the sink.
I joined her in the kitchen. “Sometimes you’re as stubborn as Alicia.”
Caro looked up at me. “She’s here. In the fleet. She came last night.”
I stopped with my hand under the hot water. “Do you know that?”
She pushed my hand to safety. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t know it.”
I took a deep breath. “How do you know Alicia’s here?”
“I heard her talking. Joseph went to the Orbit last night, and I heard Alicia talking in the background. I know her voice.”
“I know you do.” The Orbit? It was so far! Joseph could get from here to the Orbit?
I pursed my lips. So did Caro.
“What did Alicia say?”
“She wants to know where we are.” Caro closed her eyes. “She wants to know why there are cats on the Orbit. Can I see the cats? I couldn’t see them, not the way Alicia could. She liked seeing them. And she wants to be a real person, so she wants to win the war.”
A real person? That meant she had wings. I swallowed. “Did you see her?”
“Uncle Joseph makes me stay mostly here. I don’t think he did either.”
I wanted to ask more, but now, sitting across from my daughter, I understood Joseph’s worries. Caro was six, and using her for our ends felt wrong, even though she offered things we truly needed.
I changed the subject to a review of her times tables, which she knew to the tens in her head. Of course, if I asked her to multiply seven-hundred-and-three by ninety-two she would just query the ship’s AI. But that wouldn’t give her knowledge. She understood what the number sixteen meant, but not how many of anything 64,676 represented.
Liam interrupted the times table game before we finished breakfast. He must have wondered at the profound relief on my face when he showed up. He leaned down and kissed us both on the forehead and told Caro, “Time to go see Lou for lessons.”
I glanced at the time. “I have to do something. Can you meet me in our rooms in an hour? With Kayleen?”
“You’re supposed to be sleeping.” Unsaid, I’m supposed to stay with Caro.
I picked Caro up and looked into her eyes. “You be good for Lou, and you sleep some. If you don’t nap today, I will see that you eat something that makes you tired tonight.”
She nodded, probably thinking I hadn’t said anything direct because I was planning to keep her secrets.
Fat chance.
Liam started talking about a new book he’d downloaded for her, and I picked up our breakfast dishes and took off to find Mohami.
I stopped in the crowded corridor long enough to catch up on the battle statistics from last night on a wall screen. The Port Authority published new data every six hours, and always emphasized Islan losses more than ours. Today’s numbers estimated ten thousand dead, seven thousand hurt. Eight ships lost.
The total turned my stomach to acid. More people than the entire population of Fremont had been killed or hurt in a day and a half of battle.
News blared from every galley. People in uniform moved fast. Off-shift crew wandered more slowly, talking animatedly and dodging serving and delivery bots.
Anger at the useless deaths hammered through me in dizzying waves. By the time I got to Mohami’s I felt sick with it, sour and disgusted.
I found him alone, sitting on the floor, his hands on his bent knees. I sat cross-legged in front of him.
“Breathe.” No hello. Just breathe.
I did.
“More.”
By the time I felt calm enough to talk, twenty minutes of my hour had bled away.
He made me wait at least three breaths past the point where I felt fully ready before he opened his hands to invite me to tell him why I had come.
I spilled out the war statistics.
Mohami nodded, unsurprised. “It’s plausible that half the fleet will die. Maybe we will die as well. War is a crucible. We have talked about that.”
“Can we slow it down?”
“What will happen if you tell people not to fight right now?”
I swallowed, breathed some more. “They will be less effective.”
He nodded. “And?”
“They will consider us traitors.”
He shifted his posture slightly, sat a little straighter. “I have to tell you something you won’t like. Are you ready to hear it?”
“Yes.”
He cocked his head. “You should not be seen with me and the movement for now. Yes, you helped create it. But it will send a badly mixed message for you to be beside Joseph as he fights and then here preaching peace.”
“I have to do both!”
He shook his head. “Supporting Joseph is crucial. He needs you, and we all need for him to survive.”
I stretched my legs out in front of me, bounced them. “I don’t have any trouble being both things. I understand.”
His smile was faint but filled his eyes with warmth. “I know that. But it could confuse some, and as I said, Joseph needs you.”
I felt empty and chilled, still slightly sick to my stomach. Sadness dripped from my response. “Okay.”
“I will provide support for the people we’ve nurtured, but not recruit new ones. Not in the midst of battle. This place will be a quiet haven.” He sounded sad. “I'm sorry that I cannot offer haven to you now. You will have to be your own strength.”
How would I manage without him? I swallowed, sniffed, then sat up straighter. “I understand.”
He didn’t move, which meant he knew I wasn’t finished. Already, I felt his pending absence from my days.
Kala brought us a tray with tea and biscuits on it. “This will help you be strong,” she told me.
“Thank you.”
She faded into the background.
We were all near edges. I sipped at the tea, recognized herbs Paloma might have put into a nightcap tea. Mint and something earthier I had no certain name for.
Mohami hadn’t mentioned Kayleen or Caro. I told him about the night before, and Joseph’s panic, and how I had felt. Then I added, “I am like a Keeper for Joseph. But I cannot do what he does. I cannot keep him safe inside of data, inside of where he will fight the war. But surely a child is not the right option. We have to stop Caro.”
“Can you? Joseph is truly extraordinary. He is also young, and dangerously exhausted. The universe is asking much of him.”
“Caro is younger. It’s not fair!”
“How old were you when you began helping Joseph?”
Not fair. I had told him our story. “But we were being threatened with our lives!” Even as the words came out, I recognized the parallel and heat flushed my cheeks.
Mohami smiled at that. “Perhaps Joseph needs Caro’s support so much that you cannot stop her. She is a great empath, you know.”
I blinked. Caro? Empathic?
“You will see it when she is older. Six-year-olds are not closely tied to the world outside of themselves. But she is magnificent.”
“But how can we keep her safe?”
“None of us is safe now.” He stood.
I had ten minutes to get back, and no idea how to talk to the others about Caro. But it had to be done, and then I had to sleep, or I would not be able to wake in time to talk with Joseph before his shift.
Mohami offered me his hand.
I took it, and as I stood, he pulled me into a warm embrace that smelled of incense and tea over soft, dry skin.
I took a deep breath, swearing I would remember what he felt like, what he said, and, when I encountered new situations, the kinds of things he said. When the battle was over, I would sit at his feet again. “Can Caro come to you if she needs to?”
“If Paloma brings her. You and Joseph should stay away for now. I am sorry.”
“I understand.”
I did understand, but nevertheless when I got back to my bed to try and sleep, tears soaked my pillow.