I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE telling you this. This is supposed to be top secret. It’s not official yet, and they told me not to discuss it with anyone until we had the details ironed out. But just between us, I got a call from a very important New York producer yesterday. They want me to meet with them this evening, and they’re flying in today. He’s with ABC. They want to do a one-hour special about my story. He said some people at the top of the news division are really excited about this. He didn’t name names, but from the way he was talking I got the feeling he meant Barbara Walters.
He said my story has all the angles. Nice-looking young couple, in love, with their whole lives ahead of them and everything to live for. Dreams smashed by drugs. A family torn apart by a bunch of aimless kids, thrill killers, raised without any moral values, who can pull the trigger of a gun as easily as they light up a joint. They might even make us a movie of the week. Plus, he wants me to bring along some of my videos. He said they’re always looking for new on-camera talent in New York. And somebody he was talking to from that conference I went to told him I have what it takes.
He said not to tell my parents. Word gets out, people start talking to other people, the whole deal can be ruined, he said. It’s better for them to iron out the details with me first, in private. That’s why he wanted to meet with me out of town, in a secluded spot. It’s funny, but you know, since having my picture in the papers and on the news, it’s almost like I’m a celebrity. I can’t go anyplace without someone pointing at me or staring. One time this little girl even asked for my autograph. Her mother tried to pull her away, like I’d be offended. I told her not to worry. I thought it was cute.
So I’m meeting him at the beach. I said, “How will I know you?” He said, “I doubt there will be more than one limo around.”
Not to get too heavy or anything, but all of this has made me think. About the way life works, I mean, and how strange it is. First something terrible happens. Then, just when you least expect it, something good comes along, that evens up the score again. Kind of like saying, “Every cloud has a silver lining.” I mean, Larry dying and everything, that was a tragedy I’ll never forget so long as I live. But you have to keep things in perspective too, and remember that if it wasn’t for one thing happening, so many other things wouldn’t have happened either.
This morning I went over to the tanning parlor. Just to get a little color in my cheeks. I can’t say that a few weeks in Women’s Correctional Facility does anything for a girl’s looks. Plus, if you want to know something, I do some of my best thinking in the tanning booth. It’s so quiet and peaceful in there, with the lights glowing. Kind of like meditation.
So while I was lying there, I got this revelation, if you will. That everything that’s happened to me so far is all part of a big master plan. It’s like, if you get too close to the screen, all you can see is a bunch of little black-and-white dots. You don’t see the big picture until you stand back. But when you do, it all makes sense. Everything comes into focus.