WE’RE GOING TO MEET Oprah, can you believe it? They called us last week, after USA Today picked up the story about Suzanne jumping off the bridge. We were on “Good Morning America,” “Evening Magazine.” That’s not even counting the local shows. I tried taping them, but we were on all three channels at the same time, so we could only get one. It’s OK though, because this is just the beginning. Sally Jessy Raphael wants us to come on her show too. We’re also talking to Geraldo. Suzanne Maretto would die if she knew. Turn over in her grave, I mean.
First thing we did after the people called from Oprah was run out and get a big can of Ultra Slim Fast for Lydia. Like Suzanne used to tell her, the TV camera puts ten pounds on a person. But we have eight days to work on taking some weight off, if she sticks to the Slim Fast and maybe a few rice cakes. We’re going to the mall for something to wear on the show. Not stripes they told us. But Lydia already knew that too. From Suzanne.
But that’s not the most incredible part. Yesterday this woman comes to see us. From Hollywood. She’s a producer. Did you ever see that made-for-television movie about the girl with the deformed face that had to go around with a bag on her head all the time, until this fashion model with terminal cancer gave her money for an operation? She was in charge of that one. Also the boy that turned out to be allergic to his own family. I never saw that one, but it starred that kid from “It’s All in a Day.” The cute one.
She wants to buy the rights to Lydia’s story. We already signed a contract. They’re paying Lydia $10,000 right away, and a lot more if the network goes ahead and puts the movie on TV. Which Ellen—that’s the producer—says is basically a sure thing, on account of how our story has, like she says, all the elements they go for in Hollywood. She loved it when Lydia told her the part about walking in on Suzanne and Jimmy that time. And her doing her cheering routine in just her garter belt.
At first, after all this happened, I guess Lydia’s head got pretty messed up. Thinking about how Suzanne never really liked her at all, and Jimmy going to jail, and having to face all the kids at school that talk about her all the time now, and nobody wanting to sit with her at lunchtime, like she’s an alien.
But now it looks like things are really working out. This producer, Ellen, says they’ll even fly us to LA when they start filming. To be consultants. Meet the stars and everything. Those kids at school that won’t be friends with my kid—do they get to be in People magazine? Do they get to meet Oprah? I ask you.
Which gives Lydia motivation for her diet, naturally. Like Suzanne always said, evidently, you never get a second chance to make a first impression.