WE’RE OUTSIDE HAVING A smoke as usual, and Jimmy’s not saying nothing. Along comes Susie Q in her Datsun, with this look on her face like she never shits, and only pisses perfume.
“Think she ever spreads her legs?” I say. Tight bitch like that. Freeze your dick off if you try sticking it in that one.
Jimmy don’t say nothing. “I’ve had enough of this TV shit,” I tell him. I mean, it seemed like we might have some fun with old Lydia there, but why bother, you know? It didn’t seem worth the trouble no more.
Jimmy still don’t say nothing. So I say, let’s just bug off her old project there. Just blow this place.
He says no. He don’t want to blow. He wants to finish the video. He’s into it.
“You’ve got to be shitting me, man,” I tell him. “What’ve you been smoking? You turning into some altar boy on me?”
“It’s not like that,” he says. “I just like her. I don’t think we should let her down.” Can you believe it?
“Man,” I say. “Am I losing my mind? Is this Jimmy Emmet I’m talking to or did I walk into the national honor society by mistake?”
“It’s not like you think,” he says. That’s when he tells me he balled her the night before. “You don’t know what it’s like,” he tells me. “I feel like I got let into heaven.” I kid you not. Like they let him into heaven.
At first I thought he was fucking with my mind or something. “Yeah, right,” I say. “And I was balling Paula Abdul.”
“No,” he says. “I mean it. She wanted me to take her to Little Paradise and we had our picture took and she got a tattoo and then she balled me. You don’t know what it was like. This isn’t some cunt you jerk off with. This is like a movie star or a ballerina. Married and everything.” And she chooses him.
All I can think is, it’s got to be a trick. They’re trying to nail him for something. But that don’t make no sense neither.
“So,” I says. “You going to do it again?”
“I got to,” he says. “Now I just got to have her.” He’s going crazy.
This is when she gets out of her car and walks in the school, right past us like she done all the other times. Nothing unusual. Only Jimmy there, you think he might just have a terminal hard-on. “Hey,” he calls out to her. “We getting together after school or what?”
“Gee,” she says, “I guess not. I’m interviewing the guidance counselor today.” Cool as a goddam iceberg. Jimmy, he’s standing there dying. She wiggles that butt of hers and pushes open the door.
“Wait a second,” he calls to her. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“You look so serious,” she says to him. “Did somebody die?” Then she laughs this laugh of hers, where she kind of throws her hair to one side and, I don’t know, bites her lip or something. Alls I know is, right then the cunt looks like she’s sixteen years old. Cock tease is the name for it.
“I was thinking,” he says. Then he just stops, like he don’t know what to say next.
“Oh yes?” she says. “Well, we’d just better send out a news flash to all three networks, hadn’t we?”
“No,” he says. “I mean, I had some things I need to talk to you about. About the video and stuff.”
“Well OK,” she says. “Stop by my place tonight.” Then she’s gone, and it’s like he’s melted into a puddle on the ground. You ever seen a dog sniffing after a bitch in heat? That was Jimmy.
“So,” I say to him. “Was she good?”
Jimmy looks at me, and I swear the boy has tears in his eyes. “You wouldn’t understand,” he tells me. “This isn’t just about sex. I’m in love with her. She cares about me. In my whole life, she’s the first good thing that ever happened.”