Jamie straightened and breathed in deep gulps of air, attempting to stop his body from shivering. Cindy’s convicting words and the image of his mother’s lifeless body echoed through his mind, over and over.
The blare of sirens crashed through his thoughts and drew his attention toward the rock driveway. The flashing lights from two police cruisers cast eerie shadows on the side of the house as the cars came to a stop behind the fire engine. Two officers leapt out and went into the house. Jamie knew it was protocol to call law enforcement to investigate when someone is found dead on arrival.
Dead on arrival.
His mother’s death.
Jamie’s stomach began to roil and acid again erupted in his throat. Sucking in more deep breaths, he leaned back against the fence.
“Jamie?” Brody stepped out of the shadows. “Are you okay?” He cringed. “That’s a really stupid question.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be all right again.” Jamie sniffed as tears welled up in his eyes.
“Cindy didn’t mean what she said.” Brody held up his hands as if to calm Jamie. “She’s distraught. She was the first to go to your mother. She had to leave her and run for your father. Mark called nine-one-one, and there was nothing they could do but wait. You happened to be the one to take the brunt of Cindy’s grief. But she didn’t mean it. She’ll apologize to you after she calms down.”
Jamie wiped away a tear and then gripped the fence slat behind him as his body continued to tremble. “She doesn’t need to apologize. She’s right. It is my fault. It’s all my fault.” His could hear his voice growing thin and reedy.
“No, it’s not your fault.” Brody squeezed Jamie’s shoulder. “Right now you can’t see through the thick haze of your grief. It was an accident. Stop blaming yourself.”
“Brody.” Jamie ground out his name. “I was supposed to fix that banister two weeks ago. I kept forgetting, and when Cindy reminded me this morning, I told her not to let my dad and Mark do it. I said I would do it tomorrow. And now it’s too late.”
“But you didn’t plan for this to happen.”
“That doesn’t matter. It happened, and now she’s gone.” Jamie sank down to the ground as the weight of what he’d done settled on his shoulders. “Why didn’t I at least repair that banister the day she told me it needed it? That would have been better than nothing. Then I could have replaced it as soon as I got the materials. Why didn’t I make my mother’s safety a priority?” He covered his face with his hands as he fought back another wave of nausea.
“Jamie?” Noah was here. “What happened? I heard the call come through and got here as soon as I could.”
Jamie shook his head as words stalled in his throat. How could he say the words aloud? His mother was dead. Gone. This had to be some sort of cruel nightmare, but the pain that squeezed at his heart was real and tangible. He braced himself as Brody gave Noah a quick explanation of what happened. Noah gasped.
To avoid his sympathetic expression, Jamie looked across the driveway. A crowd of neighbors had gathered.
“Do you want me to go talk to everyone?” Brody offered.
“Yes.” Jamie’s voice croaked. “Thanks.”
“Call me if you need me.” Brody started across the driveway just as Leon stepped onto the back porch, holding a lantern. Brody met him at the steps and they both began talking to the neighbors.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Noah asked.
“No.” Jamie cleared his throat past the thick cold knot forming there. “I need to talk.” He told him about his conversation with Cindy and his mother that morning before he left for his shift. He told him how the accident was all his fault.
Noah blew out a deep gasp of air. “Jamie, I am so sorry. But it’s not your fault.”
“Please. Don’t patronize me.” Jamie rubbed his eyes where the beginning of a migraine pounded. When would he wake up from this nightmare? His thoughts turned to his father and siblings. He was certain the police officers were following procedure and interviewing them to find out exactly what happened. He rubbed his forehead as the pain throbbed, resembling a vice squeezing his brain.
“I’m not trying to patronize you.” Noah’s words were soft and measured. “What happened was God’s will. You know that as well as I do.”
“But I broke a promise to mei mamm, and it ended her life. How can I live with that?”
“Lay your burden’s at God’s feet. He will heal your heart.”
Tears began to well up as he tried to accept Noah’s assurances. But as much as he wanted to believe his friend, the words seemed empty. His life and his family would never be the same without Mamm. How would he ever move on?