“Stop fidgeting. You look Schee.”
Kayla pivoted from the kitchen window toward her mother as she fingered the blue skirt of her best dress. It was too early for Jamie to pick her up for church, but she was having a hard time settling down. “Danki.” If only she felt as confident as her mother’s smile.
“Why are you so naerfich? You looked like you had a wunderbaar time with Jamie last night.”
“I’m going to see his freinden at church. I’ve only met them briefly once. What if they don’t like me?”
Mamm chuckled. “Of course they’ll like you.” She pointed to Kayla’s uneaten plate of eggs, toast, and bacon. “You should eat.”
“I can’t.” Kayla placed her hands on her abdomen. “My stomach is in knots.”
“Don’t be gegisch. You don’t want your stomach to growl during service. If it does, then his freinden won’t like you.” Mamm grinned.
“That’s not funny.” Kayla sat down at the table, and after a quick prayer, grabbed a piece of toast and bit into it. It tasted like sand.
“Gude mariye,” Eva sang as stepped into the kitchen with Junior on her hip.
“Gude mariye.” Mamm held out her hands, and the baby squealed as she took him in her arms.
“Gude mariye.” Kayla echoed before taking another bite. If she finished the toast, maybe she wouldn’t run the risk of her growling stomach scaring away Jamie’s friends.
Eva sat down across from Kayla, bowed her head in prayer, and began to scoop up eggs. “Oh, Kayla. You look so schee.”
“Danki.” Kayla hoped Jamie would agree and then dismissed the thought. Vanity was a sin.
“Are you excited to go to church with Jamie and his family?” Eva asked.
“She’s afraid his freinden won’t like her even though they’ve already met her.” Mamm slipped Junior into his baby seat attached to the high chair. He clapped his hands when he saw the food on the table.
Eva raised an eyebrow. “You can’t be serious.”
“She’s serious.” Mamm sat and fed him baby food from the jar that Eva had brought to the table.
“Mamm, I can speak for myself.” Kayla picked up a second piece of toast. “But you’re right. I am worried about his freinden.”
Eva leveled her gaze on Kayla. “Jamie really likes you, and that means his freinden will too. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Exactly,” Mamm added as gave Junior another spoonful of food.
Kayla finished the toast and then hurried off to brush her teeth. When she stepped back into the kitchen, the clip-clop of a horse sounded from outside, and she tried to ignore the wild thumping of her heart. “I think he’s here. I’ll see you later.”
“Have fun.” Eva waved.
“Bye,” Mamm called.
Kayla hurried down the back porch steps to where Jamie stood by his buggy. He looked handsome dressed in his Sunday suit with his black trousers, crisp white shirt, and black vest. “Gude mariye.”
“Gude mariye.” He opened the passenger side door. “You look schee.”
“Danki.” She climbed into the buggy, smoothed her hands over her dress, and then touched her abdomen. Hopefully the toast would hold her until lunch. Her stomach was still a ball of nervous knots.
Jamie slipped into the driver’s side and took the reins. “It’s a gorgeous day. It’s hard to believe next week will be July.”
“Ya.” Kayla gazed out at the beautiful cerulean sky as he guided the horse to the road. “The summer is going by too quickly. Where is church this morning?”
“It’s at the Beilers’ farm. Not far from mei haus.” He gripped the reins tighter as he kept his eyes on the road.
Kayla could feel the anxiety vibrating off him. What was wrong? What a silly question. He and his family were grieving, and this would be their first Sunday service without their mother. Of course he was a ball of nerves. She had to remember to be patient and offer him the same grace she needed after she’d lost Simeon. She prayed his family would feel God’s love and comfort today.
They rode in silence for a few minutes.
When he halted the horse at a red light, Jamie suddenly looked at her, his expression somber. “I spoke to your daed before I left your haus last night.”
“I know.” She held her breath. Was he going to officially ask her to be his girlfriend?
“I asked him if I could date you. So now I need to ask you. Would you consider being my girlfriend—officially?”
“I’d love to.”
“Gut.” A smile lit up his attractive face.
The light turned green and he guided the horse through the intersection. “Laura is excited you’re coming this morning. She can’t wait to see you.”
“I’m eager to see her and Cindy too.” She gave him a sideways glance when she said Cindy’s name, but he didn’t show any outward reaction. “Will Rudy, Savilla, and Allen be there too?”
“Ya, they will.” He talked about his friends during the remainder of the ride to the Beilers’ house. When they reached the farm, she climbed from the buggy and met him at the back. “I’ll see you after the service.”
“Ya.” He touched her arm. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I am too.” She squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and nodded at the men standing by the barn before heading toward the large farmhouse. That’s where the women always gathered before a church service.
Kayla found them in the kitchen standing in a large circle, talking. She scanned the unfamiliar faces, and her shoulders loosened when she spotted Cindy and Laura in the far corner of the room. They were with Savilla and Elsie, who had Christian balanced on her hip.
“Kayla!” Laura waved for her to join them.
“Gude mariye.” Savilla held out her hand.
“It’s gut to see you again.” Kayla shook her hand and then shook Elsie’s hand. “It’s nice to see you again too.” She touched the little boy’s back. “Hi, Christian.”
“I’m so glad you could come to church with us today,” Elsie said.
“Wie geht’s?” Cindy shook Kayla’s hand. The sadness in her eyes nearly broke Kayla’s heart.
“It’s gut to see you,” Kayla told Cindy.
Laura hugged Kayla. “Mei bruder told us you were coming.” She moved closer and lowered her voice. “Did he ask you to be his girlfriend yet?”
Kayla nodded as she felt a blush crawling up her neck.
Laura smiled. “That’s gut.”
“It’s about time,” Savilla quipped. “He’s been alone too long.”
“I agree,” Elsie added.
Laura took Kayla’s hand and led her toward the circle of women. “I want you to meet some of the members of our district.”
After introductions, the clock chimed nine and Kayla exited the house with the Riehl sisters, Elsie, and Savilla. In the barn, the warm, heavy aroma of animals and moist earth wafted over her.
“We’ll see you after the service,” Savilla said softly as she and Elsie went to sit with the married women.
“You’re going to sit with Cindy and me, right?” Laura whispered.
“Ya, of course. Where else would I sit?” Laura took her arm and led her to where the other unmarried young women sat. Kayla sank onto a backless bench between Jamie’s two sisters and nodded at a few more of the women in the community.
When she turned toward the rows of unmarried young men, she found Jamie sitting between his brother and Rudy. Kayla kept her eyes focused on Jamie as he spoke to Mark. When his gaze met hers, a smile lit his face. A fluttering started deep in her stomach as she smiled in returned. She felt breathless.
Be careful with your heart, Kayla.
The thought surprised her and sent uncertainty her way, but she kept a smile on her face as Jamie stared at her. Were she and Jamie moving too fast? Should she have insisted they get to know each other better before officially dating? She had quickly agreed to be Abram’s girlfriend when he asked, but they had known each other for years. Was she heading down the same heartbreaking path she’d traveled with Abram?
And was Jamie jumping into a relationship with her to avoid the pain of losing his mother? That last question sent a new thread of worry coiling in her chest.
Rudy said something to Jamie, and he broke their gaze and turned.
Kayla looked at Laura and found her wiping her nose with a tissue. Reaching out, she touched her hand.
“It’s difficult.” Laura sniffed and pushed the tissue into the pocket of her dress. “It felt strange climbing into the buggy without her this morning. And everyone was silent during the ride here. It’s like we were all trying to comprehend how she could be gone.” She nodded toward the other side of the barn. “Now I keep looking across at the married women and expecting to see her, but she’s not there.” Her body shuddered as she took a deep breath.
Kayla rubbed her arm. “I’m so sorry. I promise it will get better, but it’s definitely difficult. It will hurt for a long time. I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”
“Danki. I’m sure it will.” Laura gave her a watery smile. “I meant it when I said I’m froh Jamie asked you to be his girlfriend. I’m certain you can help him with his grief. Rudy has been helpful to me. Jamie has a difficult time opening up to people, but I’ve noticed he talks to you. You’re a blessing to him.”
Kayla swallowed against her dry throat. “I hope I can be.”
“I’m sure you will. He needs you.”
Speechless, Kayla looked down at the hymnal in her lap. When Laura turned to say something to the woman beside her, the tension in Kayla’s back released. She glanced over at Cindy, who was staring down at her own hymnal and running her fingers over the cover. Worry nipped at Kayla as she took in Cindy’s anxiety. Was there anything she could do to help her? She racked her brain for something comforting to say that wouldn’t upset Cindy.
“The Beiler family seems nice. I met Lizzie,” Kayla said, referring to the family who was hosting the service.
“Ya.” Cindy looked up at her and gave a tentative smile. “I went to school with their dochdern.” She nodded her head toward two brunettes sitting one row in front of them. “They’re nice. Their daed is a butcher, and they work at his counter in the farmers market in Bird-in-Hand.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” Kayla was relieved. She’d found common ground with Cindy. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here, okay?”
Cindy nodded as she glanced down at the hymnal once again. “Danki.”
The service began and Kayla joined in as the congregation slowly sang the opening hymn. As she expected, this district’s services were much like her own. A young man sitting across the barn served as the song leader. He began the first syllable of each line and then the rest of the congregation joined in to finish the verse.
While the ministers met in another room for thirty minutes to choose who would preach that day, the congregation continued to sing. During the last verse of the second hymn, Kayla’s gaze moved to the back of the barn just as the ministers returned. They placed their hats on two hay bales, indicating that the service was about to begin.
The chosen minister began the first sermon, and Kayla tried her best to concentrate on his holy words. But her thoughts turned to Jamie and his family. She hoped she could be the blessing Laura insisted she could be. Is that what God intended her to do? Her eyes moved toward the young men across the aisle. Jamie sat with his head bowed, focusing on his hands in his lap. Was he thinking about his mamm?
She redirected her thoughts to the sermon, taking in the message and concentrating on God. She wondered what God had in store for her. Would Jamie become her future? She felt excited and hopeful at the thought.
The first sermon ended, and Kayla knelt in silent prayer between the Riehl sisters. She closed her eyes and thanked God for her new friends. She also prayed for Jamie, asking God to send healing and comfort to him and his family. After the prayers, the deacon read from the Scriptures, and then the hour-long main sermon began. Kayla willed herself to concentrate as the deacon preached from the book of Acts.
Relief flooded Kayla when the fifteen-minute kneeling prayer ended. The congregation stood for the benediction and sang the closing hymn. While she sang, her eyes moved again to Jamie. She wondered if he could feel her watching him, but he didn’t look her way.
When the service ended, Laura touched Kayla’s and Cindy’s hands. “Let’s go help serve the meal.”
“Ya.” Kayla glanced toward Jamie and saw him talking to two other young men. She considered walking over there, but she didn’t want to appear too eager in front of his sisters and friends. She followed the Riehls out of the barn to the house.
“Why don’t we fill kaffi cups?” Laura suggested.
Kayla liked that idea. She might have the opportunity to talk to Jamie at his table.
After the service, Jamie and the other men in the congregation had converted the benches into long picnic tables by setting them into wooden stands. Now he stared toward the entrance to the barn as he sat between Mark and Noah, hoping for another glimpse at Kayla.
Mark leaned over and lowered his voice. “It was strange not having Mamm at service with us. I kept expecting to see her sitting with Elsie and Savilla.”
Jamie closed his eyes and nodded as the gloom that had plagued him during the service came back in a sudden rush. “I was thinking the same thing.”
“I’m concerned about Dat.” Mark kept his voice low as he nodded to where their father sat across their table, down at the other end. He was staring at his empty cup. “I saw him wiping tears during the service.”
“I noticed that too.” Anxiety gripped Jamie. “We need to encourage him to keep resting. We have to give him time.”
“I know.” Mark sighed.
“So, Allen,” Rudy began, “have you been busy at the carriage shop?”
Jamie lost himself in his thoughts as the men around him talked. Jamie had done his best to concentrate on the ministers’ holy words during the service, but his attention kept cutting to Dat and then to Kayla. He was plagued with concern for his father but also distracted by Kayla. He once again felt guilty. Maybe bringing Kayla here was a bad idea when his family was still reeling after losing his mother. Maybe he’d asked Kayla to be his girlfriend too soon. His grief was still so raw, so all-consuming.
Perhaps he should have grieved for his mother before he asked Kayla to be part of his life. But how could he let Kayla slip through his fingers when his feelings for her were so strong and overwhelming?
He needed Kayla in his life. And when he spotted her talking to Cindy before the service, he wondered if Kayla could help his sister heal after such a devastating loss. His heart warmed with the hope that someday Cindy would forgive him. During the prayers, he asked God to help his family, and he prayed Cindy would act like his sister again, not his adversary.
Jamie covered his mouth as a yawn gripped him. He’d had difficulty falling asleep last night. He kept thinking about Kayla and then about his mother. Mamm would have been delighted to know Jamie had asked Kayla’s father if he could date her.
Oh, Mamm, I’m so sorry you’re not here to share this moment with me.
“Kaffi?”
Jamie glanced up at Kayla smiling down at him. “Hi. You snuck up behind me.” He held up his cup and she started filling it.
“You looked like you were lost in thought.”
“Allen and Rudy, you remember Kayla,” Jamie told his friends.
“Hi.” She gave a little wave before filling Mark’s cup too.
“Glad you could come to our service today,” Mark said.
“It’s nice to see you again,” Allen chimed in from across the table.
“Ya, Laura can’t stop talking about you,” Rudy added.
“Danki.” Kayla filled Noah’s cup next and greeted him.
“I’ll see you later,” she told Jamie before moving down the table.
Jamie looked across the table just as Rudy and Allen nodded their approval of Kayla.
“You need to snatch her up before she finds someone else,” Mark said.
“I know.” Jamie lifted his cup. “That’s why I asked her to be my girlfriend this morning.”
“So it’s official, huh?” Noah asked.
“Ya, it is.”
“Gut.” Noah pounded him on the shoulder, almost making him spill his coffee. “You’ll be married before you know it.”
Jamie’s throat tightened at the thought. How could he think about settling down? He’d only just decided he could find a way to fit dating into his life.
“Don’t look so terrified.” Noah snickered. “It will happen when the time is right.”
“How will I know when the time is right?” Jamie’s question took even himself by surprise.
“I can’t tell you exactly when.” Noah shrugged. “You’ll just know.”
Jamie let Noah’s conviction roll around in his mind, but the thought of marriage seemed too much right now.
“Danki for being such a gut influence for Nathan,” Willie told Jamie later that evening as they stepped out of the barn and walked toward the house.
Jamie halted and looked at Willie. The afternoon had gone by quickly. After the service and lunch, he’d brought Kayla home, and she invited him to stay. He’d spent the afternoon talking to the family, although Nathan was out with his youth group. Jamie stayed for supper and then accompanied Willie outside to help with chores.
Even though he enjoyed his time with Kayla’s family, he worried that he should have been with his own family instead. The despondency in his father’s face during the service and lunch flashed through his mind. Had his father spent the afternoon alone in his bedroom? Had his siblings tried to comfort him? If so, could they have used Jamie’s help?
Willie chuckled. “You look confused.”
Jamie swallowed back his guilt and forced a smile. “Is it that obvious?”
“Ya, it is.” Willie pointed to the porch. “Let’s sit for a few minutes.”
Jamie followed him up the steps and sat down on a chair beside him.
Willie leaned back and stared out toward the dark pasture. “Your friendship means a lot to Nathan, and Marilyn and I appreciate your encouraging him to visit you at the fire station instead of sneaking out to calls.”
“Nathan’s friendship means a lot to me.” And Kayla’s does too. “I enjoy spending time with him.” Jamie rested his elbows on the arms of the chair and breathed in the warm night air. The sun had set and the cicadas sang through the darkness. They sat in an amicable silence for a few moments as Jamie considered what to say next.
“It’s been tough since we lost Simeon,” Willie suddenly said, looking at Jamie. “I know you understand that.”
Jamie nodded, rubbing his fingers over the arms of the chair.
“Nathan has had difficulty adjusting to not having Simeon around, and then you came into our lives. You’re helping Nathan heal from the loss, and Marilyn and I appreciate it. So danki for being a gut freind to both Kayla and Nathan.”
Jamie cleared his throat as the weight of Willie’s words settled over his chest. “Gern gschehne, but I feel the same way about Kayla and Nathan.”
“Gut.” Willie’s expression filled with concern. “How are you handling everything since your mamm’s accident?”
Jamie folded his hands in his lap. “It hasn’t been easy. Mei daed is taking it hard, and I don’t know how to help him. We all really missed her today at church. I feel like a piece of my life is missing.”
“I understand that,” Willie said. “Grief is tough. It has a way of sneaking up on you. Sometimes I’ll be in the kitchen at the restaurant cooking, and suddenly I’ll be transported back to a memory of Simeon. It takes my breath away, and I feel like I can’t function. Some days I’ll think of something Simeon said and I’ll laugh.”
A smile passed over Willie’s face as if a memory had found him for a brief moment. “And then sometimes I look at Junior and feel like I’m looking into Simeon’s face when he was a boppli. I try not to cry because I don’t want to upset Marilyn or Eva.”
Willie shook his head. “But it took a while to get to that point. I’m certain your grief is too new now. Is there anything you need to get off your chest? I’m froh to be a sounding board if you have something you feel like you can’t share with your family.”
Jamie considered sharing the thoughts that had haunted him last night, or the issues between him and Cindy, but both felt too personal, too intimate to share with Kayla’s father. “How do you get through the tough times?”
“Prayer helps a lot. If I feel like I’m going to fall apart, I pray for strength, and it helps.”
The screen door opened and Kayla joined them on the porch. She looked at each of them. “Did I interrupt something?” She pointed toward the door. “Should I go back inside?”
“No, no.” Willie popped up from his chair. “I was just going inside to check on your mamm.”
Jamie stood as Willie disappeared into the house. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Kayla leaned against a porch post. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation. But you and Dat have been outside for quite a while.”
“I didn’t realize it had been that long.” He indicated the chair Willie had been sitting in. “Would you like to sit down?”
“I was wondering when you’re leaving.”
“You’re kicking me out?” he said, teasing her.
“No.” She smiled, then pointed to the dark sky. “But I can’t help but worry about you heading home too late.”
“You’re worried about me.” He took a step toward her.
“Of course I am.”
Suddenly he felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her pretty pink lips.
“It’s after eight,” she continued, oblivious to his thoughts. “Eva just went to put Junior in bed.”
“So you are kicking me out.”
“You’re not listening.” She harrumphed and folded her arms over her chest. “I’m worried about your safety because I want you to come and visit me again very soon.”
“I promise you I won’t be able to stay away from you for long.”
“Gut. I will hold you to that promise.” Her smile was back, and his heart thudded.
“I suppose you’re right. I should get going.”
She lifted her chin. “I’m always right.”
He chuckled. She was adorable.
“Well, I should say good-bye to your family before I leave.”
Inside he thanked her parents for supper and said good night. Then he and Kayla walked out to his buggy. He hitched the horse as she stood nearby.
“I guess this is gut nacht since you kicked me out.”
“Stop saying that.” She paused as she studied him. “What were you and mei daed talking about?”
Jamie hesitated as he adjusted his hat on his head.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, I’ll tell you.” He rested his hand on the buggy door. “We were talking about grief. He thinks my friendship with Nathan is helping him deal with losing Simeon.”
“I think so too. In fact, I think you’re helping all of us.” She paused and her eyebrows drew together. “Is my family helping you at all?”
He nodded. “Your daed and I talked a bit about that. Your family is definitely helping my family. I think our families are helping each other.”
“Gut.”
As she looked up at him, a tendril of her golden hair floated in front of her face. He reached out and pushed it away, and then without thinking he leaned down and brushed his lips across her cheek. She sucked in a breath at the contact.
“I can’t wait to see you again,” he whispered against her cheek. “Gut nacht.”
“Gut nacht,” she whispered.
Jamie climbed into the buggy and waved as he guided the horse toward the road.
Kayla felt as if she were floating as she bounced up the porch steps. She touched her face where Jamie’s lips had been and sighed.
Astonishment had pushed the air from her lungs when he kissed her cheek, heat flooding her body at the sensation of his touch. She was tempted to kiss his lips, but that would have been too forward.
She had enjoyed every minute of their time together today. Whenever she thought about Jamie, her heart took on wings, and a smile turned up the corners of her mouth. His handsome face permeated her thoughts constantly.
As she entered the house, a thought slammed into her. She was falling in love with him. A whirlwind of emotions churned in her gut—excitement and happiness, but also fear, anxiety, hesitation. It was too soon! She was opening herself to hurt, and she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do that.
But how would she ever know she could trust Jamie if she didn’t give him the chance?
She gasped as her feet hit the threshold separating the mudroom from the kitchen.
“Kayla?” Mamm called. “Is everything okay?”
“Ya.” Kayla rested her hand on the doorframe.
“You look worried.” Mamm walked over. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
Kayla paused, trying to put her confusing thoughts into words. “I think I’m falling in love with Jamie.”
“Oh, that’s wunderbaar.” Mamm clapped her hands. “I’m so froh for you. He’s such a nice man. Just last night your daed and I were discussing what a blessing he’s been to your bruder and you.” Her smile faded. “Why aren’t you froh?”
“I guess I’m scared. It’s all happening so fast.” Kayla folded her hands over her chest as if to guard her heart. “I don’t think my feelings for Abram were this intense this quickly.”
Mamm pointed to the table. “Sit. Let’s talk.”
Kayla slipped into her usual seat and Mamm sat down beside her.
“When I met your daed, I had just had my heart broken by a man I dated for a few years.”
Kayla’s eyes widened. “You never told me this.”
“I didn’t think you needed to know, but maybe I can help you by sharing my heartbreak with you.”
“So you understand how I feel about what happened between Abram and me,” Kayla concluded.
“Ya, I do.” Mamm touched Kayla’s arm. “I was worried about having my heart broken, but your daed and I just clicked. It was as if we’d known each other for years because our friendship was so easy. We quickly became best freinden, and in less than a year we were engaged. One of mei freinden said your daed and I were moving too fast, but it worked for us.”
She gestured around the kitchen. “Look at us now. If you’re comfortable with Jamie, let the relationship progress at a comfortable pace.”
Kayla moved her thumbnail in a circle as she looked down at the table and contemplated her confusing feelings. “Something else is bothering me too.”
“What is it?” Mamm leaned forward.
Kayla thought she heard a door click closed, but she kept her eyes focused on the table.
“Talk to me,” Mamm prodded her. “I can’t help you if you don’t.”
“It scares me that I’m this attached to Jamie already.” Kayla’s eyes filled with tears as the truth punched her in her chest. “He’s a firefighter. I’m afraid of losing him like we lost Simeon.”
“What happened to Simeon won’t necessarily happen to Jamie.”
Eva’s voice took Kayla by surprise.
Kayla looked up at her sister-in-law. She was standing in front of the door that led to her apartment.
“Eva, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay.” Eva sat down on Kayla’s other side. “You can’t let what happened to Simeon make you doubt how you feel about Jamie. You can’t stop living your life because Simeon died in a fire.”
Kayla sniffed as tears stung her eyes.
“Look at Brody,” Eva continued. “He’s been fighting fires much longer than Jamie has, and he’s fine.” She covered Kayla’s hand with hers. “Live your life, Kayla. I think Jamie loves you. Follow your heart and trust God’s plan for you.”
“Danki.” Kayla hugged Eva as a tear slipped down one cheek. “I will.”