1. Maybe she was a contestant in the Strongest Woman in the World competition and was towing a jumbo jet down the runway by a rope tied around only her left ankle.
2. Maybe while scuba diving she was attacked by a giant squid who mistook her for a spiny crab (which, by the way, she is).
3. Maybe once the squid realized that she wasn’t a spiny crab, he used three of his eight arms as a slingshot to fling her back to shore, where she landed on her back. Ouch.
4. Maybe she was bowling, and her fingers got stuck in the ball, and she threw herself down the lane. (Hank’s note: If you knock all the pins down with your body and not the ball, I wonder if that’s still considered a strike?)
5. Maybe she’s a rodeo rider and a bucking bronco bucked her off so hard that she went into orbit and landed on her back in New Jersey.
6. Maybe she was in a spelling bee and got so upset when she misspelled “receive” (like I always do) that she fainted and fell off the stage and landed on the world’s biggest dictionary.
7. Maybe she was writing a Big Fat Red D on my last math test with such force that her whole back went into a spasm and all of a sudden half of her was facing frontward and the other half was facing backward.
8. Maybe she has a secret life as a ballroom dancer and was injured while doing a wild rumba turn with her handsome partner from Argentina. No, what are you thinking, Hank? That’s way too cool a thing for Ms. Adolf to ever do.
My list came to an abrupt stop when I suddenly heard my name being spoken by Mr. Rock.
“Hank . . . Hank . . .”