Dingo
The rest of the day had flown by and now that it was nearing midnight I was faced with a new dilemma. I’d given Mei her own room, but that was before I’d claimed her. Now that she was mine, I wanted her in my bed. I just didn’t want her to feel like she had to be there. Not so soon anyway. We were strangers, and she’d lived through hell for years. If anyone deserved some space, it was her.
She yawned so wide that her jaw cracked and I knew she’d reached her limit for the day. I stood and pulled her up with me. She blinked at me a few times, then gave me a sleepy smile. Getting her to follow me to the hall was simple enough, but I stopped, not knowing which door to go through.
“Mei, I’m going to leave this one up to you. I gave you the guest room and you’re welcome to use it until you’re ready for more. Even if you do come to my room tonight, I’m not expecting anything from you. We can just share a bed and sleep. If being in the guest room with a locked door makes you feel better, then I’m okay with that too.”
She chewed her lower lip as she stared at the guest room, then glanced toward my bedroom. I didn’t want her to feel pressured, so I released her hand and backed toward my room. Mei took a step toward me, then paused. I could tell she felt conflicted, but I needed her to make this decision completely on her own. I might be an asshole to most people, but not with her.
I moved farther back into my room, then turned and walked off. She’d either follow or decide to sleep in her own bed. As much as I’d love to have her by my side tonight, I’d understand if she chose to lock herself away. Her entire world had turned upside down. In my opinion, it was for the better, but after knowing nothing but pain and ugliness, it would probably be difficult for her to just accept that things were different now. If our roles were reversed, I’d be skeptical as hell about all this.
My brothers would probably think I was being too soft with Mei. I’d always been a take what I want kind of guy, and they were the same way. Not that we ever forced ourselves on women, but those who came to the clubhouse were willing and ready. Or so I’d always believed. I hadn’t seen Mei last night, but I’d heard about her showing up. If Beau hadn’t scared her off, she’d likely have ended up on her back or against a wall with my brothers none the wiser about the hell she’d been through. Or the fact that she’d only been searching for a place to sleep, and she’d been more than ready to exchange her body for a bed and some food. It sickened me and had me second-guessing the others who came to our gates. Were any of them like Mei? Had I been with someone who was just trying to find a way off the streets for a bit?
I scrubbed my hands over my head, wishing I knew for certain I’d never taken advantage of someone. I didn’t want to be like those guys, the men like Trotter who didn’t care if a woman was willing or not. The thought that I could have hurt a woman sickened me. No, I didn’t make a living in an honest way, but there were some lines I refused to cross. Hurting kids or women was one of them.
I hadn’t even realized I was pacing until Mei pressed her hands against my chest and stopped my forward motion.
“Did you think I wasn’t coming in here?” she asked. “Is that what has you so agitated?”
I shook my head, not wanting to voice my concerns. I didn’t want her to fear me, or think less of me. Right now, she saw me as some sort of hero. I wasn’t. Not even close, but to her… I liked being her white knight.
“Dingo.” She reached up and placed her hand on my cheek. “Jameson, what’s wrong?”
“Just questioning some things right now. About my past.”
She brushed her fingers over my beard and stared up at me intently. I didn’t think she’d say anything at first, but she surprised me. “Didn’t you tell me that the past was behind us? If it’s something you can’t change, then let it go. Worrying over it doesn’t make a difference now, does it?”
I blew out a breath. “No, it doesn’t.”
It didn’t lessen my guilt any, though. And I had to wonder if any of my brothers had started to contemplate the same thing. We’d never had cause to question any of the women who came here. It was always assumed they wanted to be here, wanted bragging rights or the chance to be claimed. Maybe it was pure arrogance that made us feel that way, but now Mei had blown that theory to hell and back. If she’d come here as a means of escape, then others probably had at some point too. Had they needed our help?
If I kept thinking about it, I’d just drive myself crazy. She was right. I couldn’t change the past, but I could try to make sure the future of the club was different. I’d have to wait and either talk to Grizzly one-on-one, or bring it up at Church next time.
“I need to shower before I get in bed. You’re welcome to use another of my shirts. I didn’t think to get you pajamas, but we can fix that tomorrow.” I glanced at the clock by the bed. “Or rather, later today.”
She took a step back. I wanted to reach for her, bring her back closer to me, but I let her go. If I didn’t put some space between us, I’d be tempted to ask for more from her than I should.
“Do you sleep on a particular side?” she asked.
I glanced at the bed and wished I’d thought to at least change the sheets. It wasn’t like I’d had anyone in my bed, but I didn’t think I’d put fresh ones on in nearly a week. I also didn’t want to stop and change them right now. With my luck, she’d think I was trying to get rid of the scent of another woman or some shit.
“The right, but it doesn’t matter. You can have whichever side you’d like.”
She gave me a slight smile. “Jameson, I’m just happy to sleep in a bed. I don’t care what side it’s on.”
I tried not to wince. I hadn’t really needed the reminder of the shitty life she’d had up to this point. If I dwelled on it too much, I’d go on a killing spree. Part of the business I’d had to take care of included asking a favor of Outlaw. I wanted the names of the men in any videos online of Mei. And even more than that, I wanted all those damn things taken offline. I knew it wouldn’t destroy the originals and they would possibly go right back up, but I had a feeling he’d get Wire and Lavender to work a bit of magic. Maybe they could even trace where the videos originated and wipe out those systems.
Wishful thinking, maybe, but I could hope. The last thing I wanted was for Mei to have a constant reminder out there of what she’d suffered. Once the videos were handled, then I’d take care of the rest. I would make each and every one of those men pay, no matter how far I had to go, or what I had to do. I’d kill them all if given a chance, and I’d make them die very slowly. They needed to suffer before drawing their last breath.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I said, stopping at the dresser long enough to pull out a change of underwear and a pair of sweatpants, then I hurried into the bathroom.
I shut the door and set my things on the counter. I could hear her on the other side of the door. It was strange having someone in my house, especially in my bedroom. It wasn’t that I’d been celibate by any means, even though it had been a while since I’d fucked any of the club whores. I just hadn’t ever brought someone home. The clubhouse had served my needs well enough. My bedroom had always been my sanctuary. Hell, my entire house had been a no-fly zone for the fairer sex. I’d only been a patched member for a few years and had lived at the clubhouse before that. The house had been a perk of becoming a full-fledged member of the Devil’s Fury.
I started the shower and waited until steam billowed out of the stall before I stripped out of my clothes and stepped under the spray. The first thing I’d done when I moved in was remodel the bathroom. My shower didn’t have a door, just an open area that was wide enough for someone to walk through. The exterior of the shower was made of glass cubes from floor to ceiling that let in the light from the main part of the bathroom. I braced my hand on the wall and let the water beat against me.
If felt like all kinds of fucked-up that I was hard right now. She’d been abused, horribly, and yet every time I looked at her my dick came to instant attention. I wanted to kick my own ass. While I hadn’t been with a woman for a bit, my hand had been just fine. I looked down at my cock and contemplated jerking off, releasing some tension and getting myself under better control. If I crawled into bed with her while I had a raging hard-on, she’d probably run back to her room.
I slicked my palm with some soap and stroked from root to tip. Closing my eyes, I pictured Mei in here with me, her hand tugging on my dick. My balls drew up as I imagined her dropping to her knees and looking up at me with those beautiful eyes. Biting my lip, I stifled my groan as I moved my hand faster. It only took a few seconds before I was coming, spraying cum all over the wall. My heart pounded against my chest as I cleaned up the mess. It still hadn’t been enough. My cock was still semi-hard, and I knew it wouldn’t take much to be fully erect again.
Changing the water to a much cooler setting, I hoped it would be enough to make me shrink some more. Even though I’d brought underwear to put on under the sweats, it still wouldn’t hide much if I got turned-on again. All Mei had to do was look at me -- hell, just be in the same room with me -- and I was ready to go. I’d never had such a strong reaction to someone before.
I wondered how long I could stay in here before Mei would worry or get curious. I wasn’t avoiding her, exactly. It was more that I wanted to avoid the awkwardness of getting into bed with her the first time, knowing that sex wasn’t part of the equation. I’d never just slept next to a woman before. Would she think I wanted more if I tried to hold her? Or would it freak her out and cause her to have a flashback of some sort? I didn’t know enough about her past to know if she had triggers other than certain names.
Standing in the shower wouldn’t solve anything. I washed my hair, then used a special cleanser on my beard. After I washed my body and rinsed, I got out and dried off. I typically put some oil in my beard after I washed it, but since I was going to bed, I decided to just leave it. I pulled on my clothes and ran a comb through my hair before I decided I’d spent enough time in the bathroom and opened the door.
The lights were off in the bedroom, but I could make out the slight lump on the left side of my bed. I shut off the bathroom light and made my way to the bed. Mei didn’t move or make a sound. On the off chance she’d already fallen asleep, I tried to slip into bed as gently as possible. I hugged the edge so I wouldn’t accidentally brush against her.
“Jameson,” she said softly.
Not asleep, then. “Yeah, Mei?”
She sighed. “I don’t bite.”
I chuckled a little. Maybe not, but now that she’d said it… yep, getting hard again. The thought of her biting into my shoulder as I pounded into her sweet pussy… Fuck!
“Didn’t figure you did.” But I certainly hoped she was a biter, at least during sex. Not so much at any other time.
She rolled over and faced me. “Then why are you way over there?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer her. If I told her that I worried I’d upset her if I got too close, would that only make things worse?
Mei reached over and tugged on me. I shifted and reached out for her. The second I placed my hand on her hip, she snuggled closer. It felt incredibly right to have her pressed against me. When I realized she wasn’t going to freak out, I relaxed and just enjoyed holding her. I’d never thought I would want to share a bed with a woman if sex wasn’t involved.
She shifted even closer and I knew the moment she realized I was hard as a damn rock because she tensed. Shit. I tried to pull my hips back, but she wouldn’t let me retreat. Being stronger than she was, I could have moved anyway, but the way her hand tightened on me was enough to halt my escape.
“I want you, Mei, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to act on those desires until you’re ready.”
“Jameson, I won’t break. If I were fragile, I’d have never lasted this long.”
“It’s not about breaking you, Mei. Most of your life you’ve had men take and take. It’s time someone gave you what you needed instead of worrying about what they wanted.”
She grew quiet and I thought that was the end of it. Until I felt something wet against my chest and heard her sniffle. Christ! Had I made her fucking cry?
“Kiss me?” she whispered. “Like before.”
It was probably the worst idea ever, but I couldn’t deny her request. Even in the darkness, her green eyes practically glowed. The brilliant hue pulled me in and I felt powerless against her. Reaching up, I curled my fingers under her chin, tilting her face a little, then I leaned closer and pressed my lips to hers. I heard her breath hitch, and I flicked my tongue across her mouth. When she opened and let me in, I knew I was a goner.
I slid my hand from her chin to her hair, fisting it as I held her captive and took what she so sweetly offered. The way she kissed me back, as if she’d never kissed anyone but me, made some caveman part of my brain kick in. Before I could even think about my actions, I’d rolled us so that she lay under me, my body pressing her into the mattress, and my cock nestled against the apex of her thighs.
Mei parted her legs and I could feel the heat of her even through her panties. Despite the insistent throbbing in my dick, I managed to at least make sure to take care of her too. I slipped a hand under the T-shirt she’d taken from my dresser, gently sweeping across her ribs and up to her perky breasts. As I palmed the soft mound, I felt her nipple harden. My lips devoured hers as I played with that hard peak, rolling it between my fingers, then pinching it.
Mei cried out and bucked against me. I drew back to look down at her and saw the surprise and awe etched on her face. The sheer wonder in her eyes was enough to calm the fire licking through my veins. I lifted off her a bit so I could tug up the shirt, going slowly in case she showed the slightest hint of hesitation. Her breasts weren’t overly large, but to me they were perfect. I rolled her nipple again and leaned down to lick the other one.
“Jameson!” Her fingers bit into my shoulder as she gripped me tight. “I-I-I… W-what’s happening?”
I growled and took her nipple into my mouth, giving it a long, hard suck before lightly scraping it with my teeth. Her body went tight, and I heard her shocked indrawn breath right before she shuddered and let out a keening cry that I knew I’d remember for the rest of my life. My sweet Mei had just come for the first time, and I was going to make damn sure she found that same pleasure, if not more, again and again. I couldn’t remember ever having a woman so responsive to just having her nipples played with, but I loved hearing Mei’s cries of pleasure.
My gaze locked on hers. As much as I wanted to take things further, I wouldn’t unless I was certain this was what she wanted too. I needed her to say the words.
“Do you want me to keep going, Mei? It’s okay if you want to stop.”
She shook her head. “Don’t stop. Please, Jameson. I need this, need you. But most of all, I want to replace all those ugly memories with something beautiful. No one’s ever made me feel like this before.”
“You okay with me undressing you?” I asked.
Mei struggled to sit up and pulled the shirt over her head, then tossed it aside. When she lay back, I worked her panties down her thighs and threw them on top of the T-shirt. Her mound was mostly bare, but there was the faintest shadow of red hair growing back in. It seemed my woman was a true redhead. I stroked a finger down the soft lips of her pussy, fighting back a growl when I felt how wet she was. She’d easily take me, but I could wait a bit more.
I eased down the bed until my shoulders were pushing her thighs wider apart. I gripped her legs and bent them so her feet were flat on the mattress. Glancing up her body, I saw her watching me, a hungry expression in her eyes. She might not have ever experienced this, but she knew exactly what I was about to do. I blew across her pussy, making her shiver before I licked along the seam, then speared her with my tongue.
“Oh, Jesus!” Mei lifted her hips, pushing her mound closer to my lips. “Again. Please, I need you to do that again.”
My lips kicked up on one corner in amusement as I licked at her again before thrusting my tongue into her wet heat. Using my fingers, I held her open and used every trick I’d ever learned to drive her wild. She screamed my name, thrashed on the bed, and soaked the sheets as she came multiple times. Mei whimpered and moaned as I rubbed her clit with my tongue, then sucked on it hard. When she came yet again, her voice hoarse as she called out my name, I knew it was time.
I wiped her juices from my lips and beard, shoved my sweats and underwear off, then settled over her. Mei gripped me with her thighs as my cock rubbed against her wet folds. It only took a shift of my hips to lodge the head of my cock into her snug entrance. Her eyes were darker, and I could see her pulse pounding in her throat. I held her gaze as I sank into her, working my cock into her pussy one inch at a time, until she’d taken all of me.
“Is this still okay?” I asked. It would fucking kill me, but I’d back off and walk away if that’s what she wanted.
“Don’t you dare stop, Jameson.” She wrapped her legs around me and gave me a smile that lit up her face.
I took her slowly at first, wanting our first time to be special. Memorable. Even more than that, I watched her every reaction to make sure that she was here with me and hadn’t gone off elsewhere in her head. When I was certain that she could handle it, handle me, I gave her everything I had. I took her hard. Deep. Fast. The headboard slammed into the wall with every thrust of my cock. Mei held my gaze as I pounded into her. With a twist of my hips, I brushed against her clit. Her eyes dilated and her lips parted. I did it twice more, and then she was coming, soaking me with her release, and squeezing my dick so hard I nearly saw stars.
I gripped her ass cheek with my hand, angling her so I could slide in deeper. As I drove into her, I knew that nothing would ever top our first time. I slammed into her as my balls drew up and I started filling her with my cum. My heart was racing and I could barely catch my breath. It wasn’t until I pulled out and saw our mingled release spill onto the bed that I realized I’d taken her bare.
“Shit. Mei, I…”
She leaned up on her elbows and looked down her body. Her face paled and she bolted from the bed, rushing to the bathroom. The door slammed and I winced. I was such a fucking idiot. I’d sworn to myself that I wouldn’t let my dick lead the way, and yet I’d done exactly that.
“Motherfucker,” I muttered.
I went to the hall bathroom to clean up, then I stripped the bed and put on clean sheets. Mei still hadn’t come out and I wasn’t sure if I should ask if she was okay, or just give her some space. Obviously I’d fucked up royally. I decided she’d come out when she was ready and went into the kitchen. After I guzzled a glass of tea, I brewed a pot of coffee. No fucking way I’d be sleeping now.
I heard the soft tread of her feet and turned to find her leaning against the kitchen doorway, tears streaking her face and her lower lip trembling.
“Jameson, I…” She sank her teeth into her bottom lip.
“I’m sorry, Mei. I wasn’t thinking.”
She gave a humorless laugh that ended in a hiccup as she fought to control her emotions. When her gaze met mine, I could see that she was retreating. I knew I should have walked away earlier, should have given her a simple kiss, then taken my ass to the other room.
“We can get the morning-after pill if you want. I can go get it.” I turned around, not wanting her to see how much it hurt me to say those words. The thought of her carrying my kid made me feel all warm inside. I’d never really wanted children. Until now.
“Is that why you think I’m upset?” she asked, sounding much closer than she’d been a moment ago.
I turned to find her right in front of me.
“Isn’t it?” I asked.
“No, you idiot! You had your doctor do all sorts of tests on me, but I know there hasn’t been time to get them back yet. What if I’m carrying something and just gave it to you?”
I honestly hadn’t even thought of that. I should have, especially as careful as I’d always been, but this was Mei. She was mine, and that’s all that had been on my mind. Yeah, I knew about her past, and I’d worried about her. But that was it exactly. I’d been worried about her and not even thinking of myself. Another first for me when it came to a woman.
“When your results come back, we’ll handle anything that comes up. I got tested not that long ago, and I haven’t been with anyone since. Until you. If you have something, then we’ll get treatment for you and I’ll have the doc run tests on me just to be safe.”
“You’re being too calm about this,” she said. “What if I have HIV or something? Trotter didn’t always make them wear condoms. If they paid enough, he’d let them do whatever they wanted to me. And I… I sometimes had to make a trade for a place to sleep. Those men didn’t bother with protection either.”
“Mei, we’ll handle it. Whatever it is. For all you know, you’re clean and worried for no reason.”
“No reason?” she asked, her voice going shrill. “What if I just doomed us both? Or a kid? Jesus, Jameson. What if you knocked me up and I have some incurable disease?”
My heart ached at the words I was about to say. “Then we’ll ask for an abortion, if it means that’s what’s for the best.”
She paled a little. “What if I’m already pregnant? What if I find out I’m going to have a kid and we don’t even know if it’s yours?”
I reached for her, wanting to calm her fears. I didn’t like the thought of her having some other guy’s baby, especially considering how it would have been conceived, but I also knew I’d never make her give up a child. The kid would be a part of her, and I’d raise it like my own. Hell, maybe the doc had used part of the blood he drew to run a pregnancy test. Maybe she was worried for no reason.
She leaned her forehead against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, just holding her and giving her what comfort I could.
“I’ve had abortions before,” she mumbled against me. “I may not even be able to have kids anymore.”
The thought of never sharing that experience with her, never having a kid that was a little part of each of us, hurt. If that was true, if she couldn’t have kids, then we’d adopt if she wanted a family. Plenty of kids out there needed a home. Might not be able to go through the legal channels, all things considered, but I’d make it happen. The babies who went into the system sometimes got there by way of a dumpster. I’d just make sure the club stepped in first and took the kid. Hell, it wasn’t a bad idea to run by Grizzly anyway. Even if no one here took those kids in, I knew some of the other clubs we called family might, or they’d know of some couple who would give them a good home.
“I’m sorry, honey.” I knew the words were pathetic at best. It wasn’t like a simple phrase, no matter how heartfelt, could wipe out the things she’d been through. “Whatever happens, just know that I’m right here with you. If you can’t have kids, then we either won’t have any or we’ll adopt. Let’s just focus on right this moment.”
She nodded and tightened her hold on me. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve having you in my life, Jameson. I’m so glad that Beau brought me here and I got to meet you.”
“Me too, baby. Me too.”
Meeting Mei was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Whatever the future held, we’d face it together.
But perhaps I should have said as much to Mei. If I’d known what the morning would bring, I would have.