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I GUESS IT COMES as no surprise to tell you that my break from time travel didn’t last forever. Wouldn’t be much of a story if I just went on with my life and nothing bizarre ever happened again, right? Well, as luck would have it, a few months after the bathroom situation I went on another unexpected journey.
I had planned to swing by the local 7-Eleven to grab a bite to eat. Helena was out with friends and she always encouraged me to eat my dinner from the food we already had in the fridge. I rarely listened. I pulled my Toyota Camry into the parking lot and found a spot along the side of the building. I rolled down the window, feeling the crisp, early autumn air steal into the car and circulate around me. I love that time of year. The smell of the leaves is intoxicating. I sat there for a while, listening to music on the radio and feeling at one with the universe. I closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt that sense of pressure in my head and an instant of pain. Then, a new sensation: falling. I landed hard on my ass and my eyes shot open. I was on the ground, only it wasn’t asphalt. Just plain dirt and rocks.
I was disoriented, still trying to make sense of what had just happened, when I realized I was completely naked. I got to my feet as quickly as possible, stumbling over myself in my hurry. I looked around, expecting people to be staring at me, but there was nobody there. It was still night, just as it had been as I sat in my car moments earlier, but it was darker. Much, much darker. In my confusion and frantic search for cover I didn’t stop to think about why that was. Only when I had hidden myself in some nearby bushes did I start to realize what I was seeing...or rather not seeing.
There were no lights. No streetlights anywhere. The convenience store... well, it was different. Where there had been a standard 24/7 shop there was now a simple, wooden structure with a large front porch. It looked like what you’d see in old-time, yellowing photographs, with men sitting around smoking and chatting about somebody’s cows or chickens or something. There was nobody on the porch now, though. Nobody anywhere, from the looks of it. The place was closed for the evening.
I felt panic creep in and my pulse quickened. What was happening to me? I pinched myself to see if it was a dream but nothing changed. For the first time in months I thought about the night in the shower. This was like that, but it was different, too. That had been a passing, freaky blip of an experience. This was ongoing. I was able to sit and take stock of my surroundings. While that sounds like it should have calmed me, it had the opposite effect. The more I looked around, the more I listened to the silence and smelled the distant scent of horses, the more upset I became.
I’m not an idiot. I knew what appeared to have happened...I had gone back in time. I say “appeared” because I didn’t believe it was really happening. I had entertained the possibility of brain cancer before, but now I was convinced. I wished I hadn’t been so stubborn and had listened to Helena about going to the doctor. I thought I was probably sitting in my car outside the convenience store at that very moment screaming and hollering gibberish. And yet... my mind felt so clear.
I sat there with my thoughts racing for a long time. I couldn’t say how long, seeing as how I didn’t have my cellphone or even a watch. I’ll never understand how it happened but somehow I fell asleep.
I woke to the sound of a voice yelling at me. “Sir? Sir? I need you to wake up now.”
I opened my eyes. The early morning sunlight told me I’d been out for quite a while. The face of the police officer staring down at me told me that I was in trouble.
“Sir, can you tell me your name?”
“I’m Daniel Wells.”
“Mr. Wells... can you explain why you’re sitting in the bushes and not wearing any clothes?”
I sat up, the previous night’s events rushing back to me. I could see the convenience store behind the officer, and my car not far from the police cruiser. Yet, here I was, under the bushes and naked. “I don’t really know, sir,” I managed. “I went to pick up dinner last night and I don’t remember anything else.”
That wasn’t true, of course. I just thought I was better off appearing like some kind of a victim than a mental patient.
The officer looked suspicious. “You don’t remember anything,” he repeated.
“That’s right. But that’s my car over there. Maybe my belongings would be there?”
He let me get up, putting a coat over me. He followed me over to my car. The engine was still running, with the keys in the ignition. I realized how lucky I was that I lived in a safe town. It was pretty amazing that the car was still there. Inside, my clothes were draped across the seat. My shoes were on the floor on the driver’s side with socks positioned properly inside them. I had to admit it all looked very strange.
The policeman called over to his partner, who had been leaning against their vehicle. “Officer Smith,” he said to the new guy, “this gentleman here has no explanation for how he came to be naked in the bushes with his car running and his clothes laid out in the driver’s seat. Odd, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty odd, Officer Nelson.” Officer Smith turned to me. “Would you mind taking a breathalizer?”
“Not at all,” I said. “I haven’t had anything to drink.”
Officer Smith gave me a look that said he’d heard that one before.
Sure enough, there was no trace of alcohol in my system.
“Well, that’s surprising,” said Officer Nelson. “What do you say you get your clothes on, and we’ll follow you down to the station where we can have a little chat?”
I didn’t see any alternative. I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible and call Helena to let her know I was okay. “Alright, just give me a second. I think I’m going to need some gas.”
The officers laughed. They hadn’t quite figured me out, but they seemed to have decided that I didn’t present a clear danger. I dressed, squirming around in the seat as I put my clothing back where it belonged, and drove the car to the fuel tanks at the far end of the parking lot. The officers waited in their car, watching me a little too carefully. While the pumps slowly provided gasoline, I fished my cellphone out of my pocket. It had only a fraction of battery life remaining, and I had seventeen missed calls and five voicemails from my wife.
Sighing, I hit the button to return Helena’s calls. She answered on the second ring. “Dan? Where the hell are you? Are you okay? I thought you were dead! I kept calling the hospital.”
I waited until she paused for breath. “Honey, I’m fine,” I said. “Something...something weird happened and I’m headed to the police station right now to answer a few questions. Can you meet me down there?”
“The police? Danny... what did you do?”
I became defensive. Helena always had that effect on me. “I didn’t do anything! I told you, something happened to me. I’ll explain when I see you. Just please trust me that I’m okay. I’ll see you soon. I love you.” I hung up before she had a chance to protest further. I drove as carefully as I possibly could, not wanting to have the police nab me for erratic driving or speeding on the way to the station. I knew they were watching me for signs of something wrong that might explain the whole odd scenario. I just wanted to get through all this and be able to confide in Helena that I thought it was time to go see the doctor after all.
At the station, the officers popped out of their car quickly and were waiting for me by the time I turned off the ignition and opened the door. They escorted me, a little too close for comfort, and walked me in to the station. I explained to them that my wife was on her way, and they assured me she would be brought back to see me when she arrived.
I was glad to see that they weren’t arresting me or making any effort to book me, though I didn’t trust for a second that I would remain so fortunate. Officers Smith and Nelson led me to a small interrogation room, probably the only such room in the whole tiny station.
“So...Mr. Wells,” said Smith. “Would you mind telling us again how you came to be naked in the bushes?”
I could tell from his tone of voice that he found my predicament to be amusing, if slightly concerning.
“I don’t know,” I said again. “I was sitting in my car listening to music at night and then the next thing I knew I was waking up on the side of the parking lot. I...I think I might be sick.” My voice trembled as I said that last part. Though I was leaving out what I assumed was a whopper of a hallucination, I wanted to be honest with the police. I had done nothing wrong, and I really was scared.
The officers exchanged glances. When Officer Nelson spoke, his voice was sympathetic. “Mr. Wells, have you been tested for any kind of mental illness? Anything like that?”
“No,” I said. “My wife wanted me to go to the doctor after I had a confusing spell a few months back.” I lowered my head in shame. “I didn’t go.”
“Well, that wasn’t particularly smart. What was the previous incident?”
I told them about the situation in the shower, leaving out the part about the woman. Their faces registered an appropriate amount of concern.
“Hmm,” Officer Nelson said. “Well, we’re inclined to let you go with a warning this time, but all of this is pretty disturbing, Mr. Wells. I hope you see that. You need to look into these problems you’re having before it gets you into worse trouble.”
“I certainly agree,” I said. “I don’t consider it to be a laughing matter, that’s for sure.”
“Good,” said Officer Smith.
Just then Helena came bursting into the room. She looked awful, like she hadn’t slept all night. I felt so terrible at that moment. “Daniel!” she called out as she came over and wrapped her arms around me. “Thank God you’re okay.” She turned to the officers. “Is my husband in trouble?”
Officer Smith shook his head. “No, ma’am. He doesn’t have any priors and nobody saw him running around naked or anything.”
“Naked?” She turned to me. “You were naked in public?”
I felt myself blush. “It’s not like that exactly. There’s...something wrong with me, I think.”
“Yeah, I’d say so,” she said. “What the hell happened to you?”
“Mrs. Wells,” said Officer Nelson, “I’d strongly advise you to get your husband to a doctor. A blackout like he experienced when there’s no drugs or alcohol in his system...well, it doesn’t sound good, ma’am.”
Helena smacked me on the back. “I told you to go see a doctor after you fell in the bathroom!”
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m sorry! I’ll go next week. I promise.”
“In the meantime,” said Officer Smith, “I think you should take it easy and avoid wandering around by yourself.” He looked at Helena. “If he’s caught like that again we may have to give him more than a warning.”
“Got it, officer,” she said. She give me a sour look. “Right, Daniel?”
“Right.” The confusion of the whole experience and my concerns about what may or may not be occurring in my brain had drained me. I just wanted to go home and curl up for a while. We thanked the officers and walked out to the parking lot. Helena kept looking at me in this bizarre way, like I might spontaneously combust or something. I didn’t care for it. We said goodbye and got in our respective cars. She followed carefully behind me all the way home.
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