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1
DANNY RETURNED FROM HIS mission with a full report two days after the incident at the lake. “How did it go?” I asked him with genuine interest.
“Okay, I think.”
He told me that he had made an effort to flirt with Jamie a bit in a couple different group settings. Then, by chance he had run into her while she was walking alone and he had walked with her, getting to know her a little.
“Look at you, man, talking to a girl, and an older one at that! I’m impressed, buddy.”
He beamed. “Well, it’s not like she’s my girlfriend.”
“Relax. This stuff takes time...wait. You haven’t told anybody you ‘like’ her, have you?”
He blushed. “Just my one friend.”
“No!” I shouted. “No more telling your friends. Don’t you understand how that stuff gets around?” I saw him looking at me confused. “Okay, I guess you don’t understand. The point is, you don’t want to offer up information that you’re into her. It can change the whole dynamic of this thing, and not in a good way. Let her wonder. It’s all part of this annoying game.”
“Yeah, super annoying.”
“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Play it cool.”
By the time he checked in with me again another week had passed and he had it on good authority that Jamie liked him. I got one of those red flags of caution right about then, something in my mind saying, “Maybe that’s enough. Maybe you pull back and let the experiment proceed on its own.”
I almost listened, but then Danny said, “I need you to help me, Justin. I can’t do this on my own.” There was just no way I could turn my back on him. I gave him whatever advice I could, though I tried to keep his expectations in check and reminded him constantly not to get too fixated on one girl until it was a done deal.
Danny got permission to switch to my computer club, but we didn’t talk much about his quest during those sessions. I just enjoyed watching him interact with his friends. When he and I were hanging out I would forget that he was me. His demeanor around me had changed so much and I was so deeply invested in his “situation” that I just treated him like a younger brother, or something like that. When he was with his friends he was more like I had been at that age and I could sit back and marvel. It was like watching old home videos in incredibly vivid high definition.
He updated me on his progress nearly every day. It was not without its missteps. Even with the influence of an experienced adult, he was still uncomfortable interacting with girls. I wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he told me how he’d fumbled a few witty phrases he’d wanted to use. “Sometimes I get nervous and it gets all jumbled,” he said.
“It’s really okay,” I told him. “Just stop worrying about being flashy. Talk normally. Ask questions. Like we’ve talked about.”
He picked up the pace after that, and by the end of the month he came running up to me with overwhelming excitement. “What?” I asked. “What’s going on?”
“She said yes! Jamie said she’d be my girlfriend!”
“That’s awesome!” I slapped him on the back. “I’m proud of you, man.”
He trotted off with a whole new pep in his step. I watched him go, a smile on my face. Then, my better judgement started talking to me. What do you think you’ve accomplished here? the voice said. This isn’t stepping on a butterfly. This is fundamentally changing the course of your own life.
I started to worry as I walked around the camp, finishing my break period as I often did, looking at the woods around the edges of the fields. In years to come those woods would be thinned as builders erected new residential developments. Eventually, even just ten years from the moment I was in right then, one would be able to launch a ball from the camp into somebody’s backyard with a good throw over the trees. In 1993, the woods still had “indian trails” and paths and strange structures built by the nature staff. To me, those seemingly endless collections of trees were filled with a scary mystery, one that didn’t exist in a time when whatever woods remained could be viewed from overhead on Google Earth.
I cut into the woods along one of the ominous trails. I was yelling at myself instead of enjoying my little triumph. I was scared of what I had done, scared of the snowball I had started rolling downhill. Even knowing that I had probably already done enough to avoid the Jeff Berger beating in September didn’t satisfy me. I would have returned to the future right then to see what happened but I couldn’t leave things unfinished with Suzy.
I thought that I could minimize the destruction by removing my support from Danny and letting his young relationship proceed as any relationship between kids would go. Catch a few movies, eat some pizza, maybe a few gentle kisses, then call it quits when the summer ends. The confidence I instilled in him would change things, sure, but I could cut my losses by going hands off from then on.
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2
Something strange started to happen to me as I dwelled on my foolish missteps. I began to wonder if I really needed to worry about the future after all. I mean, sure, that was where I’d left my true life behind, but what did it really matter? Little Danny would grow to have whatever adult life he was going to have after my meddling, and maybe there was a possibility that I could be Justin forever more. It would be a funny thing when the pop star came to international recognition, but that was years away.
I know I promised you more information about where my relationship with Suzy went toward the end of the summer. I guess I’d better get to it. That story started one day in August when I got called into the office. By then I spent every day entertaining that idea that maybe life in the 1990’s wouldn’t be so bad. I had no idea how I’d make a living, but there was something so appealing about a life with Suzy. There was a kindness to her that I’d never experienced anywhere else, even in the good times with Helena.
Anyway, Uncle Jim came riding up to me on a golf cart while I was taking my break down by the lake. If he was trying to hide his worry, he was doing a shitty job of it. “Justin, I need you to go see Arthur up in the main house.”
Arthur (Uncle Arthur to the kiddies) was one of the owners of the camp and the most involved of the big bosses when it came to interacting with the staff and campers. “There a problem, Jim?”
He took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat off his brow. “Hope not. It seems a call came in that raised some questions. Arthur just wants to clear up a few things. Shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Okay, I’ll go see him.”
“You want a ride up?” he asked.
“Nah, I’m okay, thanks.”
I walked the length of the camp. Jim kept his distance but he drove slowly, watching me the whole way. I couldn’t figure out what they could possibly have on me based on a phone call. It’s not like calls came in from the future with any regularity. Yet something didn’t sit right with me. Jim had been sent to track me down wherever I was, which turned out to be pretty damn far from the main office. The thing is, I worked in the white house. Why not just wait until I came back in the building to tell me they needed a word? What was so important? The whole thing was fishy.
I came into the office and walked back to the room where Arthur was sitting at a desk, his fingers laced together. “Justin, come in. Take a seat.”
I did as he said. “Is everything okay?”
“I guess we’ll see. Justin, we got an anonymous call here at the office. Said we might want to check your credentials with Waldorf High. I was only able to get a summer receptionist on the phone but she didn’t seem to have any idea who you are.”
“Well, Arthur, there are definitely people at that school who don’t know me and I don’t know them. It’s not as much of a family atmosphere as this place.”
“That’s kind of you to say. I asked her to look a little deeper and make sure that somebody at that place knows Mr. Bieber the computer teacher. She’s supposed to call me back.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Okay...well I’m sure she’ll find what she’s looking for.”
He studied me. “Alright. Fair enough. But here’s what I want to know: who would want to raise suspicions about you? You have any enemies?” He leaned forward as if we were sharing dark secrets. “Steal somebody’s wife?”
I laughed and hoped it sounded natural. “No, I don’t think so.”
He smiled. “That’s what I thought. You and Suzy are an item now, right?”
“Yes, I guess that’s right.”
“Good, good. She’s been here since she was a little girl. Like you said— family. Do right by her, you hear?”
“Of course, Arthur.”
I left the office in a sweat that couldn’t be blamed entirely on the temperature, though it had brutally continued to hang in the eighties every day for at least a week. I was worried, and mad at myself for creating a situation where I could be worried. Look, you probably don’t need me to explain the predicament to you, assuming you’re still following my story. I had messed up, linking myself emotionally and practically to both Danny and Suzy. Not only did I not want to leave yet, I had now hooked myself in so deep that my sudden departure could do serious damage to them.
I didn’t have any reason to believe that Suzy fit in anywhere in my normal timeline, and therefore I had no reason to expect that my breaking her heart would change anything for me in the future. That didn’t matter though. I cared for her more than I could say. Our relationship had reminded me of the spirit I had once possessed before things with Helena had taken such a sour turn. I was happy with Suzy. I simply couldn’t accept that my actions could screw up her life. Now, of course, I can look at it and realize that my relationship with her had already modified her life’s track.
I couldn’t understand what had happened. How had somebody known that I wasn’t telling the truth? Maybe one of the male counselors who had a thing for Suzy had done some digging? How was that even possible for someone that young in 1993? Had they called Waldorf?
I knew that Arthur didn’t want to fire me. He would have to explain to parents, and telling them that he hadn’t performed a background check would raise questions about who else he was hiring to watch their children. Was that enough though? There were two and a half weeks left of camp. Maybe the woman from the high school would get caught up in other work and not call back in time.
That night I planned to take Suzy out to the movies. We were going to see the newly released Robin Hood: Men in Tights, which I had seen already and remembered not liking all that much beyond a few standout jokes. When I picked her up, she and I both noticed that the other didn’t look quite right. “What’s wrong?” we said simultaneously. That provoked a tiny burst of laughter that lightened the mood.
“You go first,” I said.
“I don’t really know how to say this...”
Uh oh, I thought, that’s never a good opening.
“My parents got a call. Some guy who said that you’re not who you claim to be. What the hell does that mean?”
I could feel my palms starting to sweat again. I wished that I had the ability to resist plastering “guilty” all over my face.
“Is that all he said?” I asked.
“They tried to get more information from him but he hung up.”
“They didn’t use star sixty nine?”
“Didn’t go anywhere. Whoever it was had covered his tracks. Maybe called from a payphone? I don’t really know how those things work. What did he mean, Justin?”
“I...I really don’t know. But it’s related to what I’ve been thinking about. A guy...the same guy, I guess, called Arthur at camp and said basically the same thing as your parents heard.”
“Someone’s trying to hurt you. Why?”
“I have no idea.” That part, at least, I could say with total sincerity.
We both sat in silence for most of the drive. It was an uncomfortable, unnatural thing to be with Suzy and not blabbering away for hours. I had made so many poor choices and somehow they had finally caught up with me. Suddenly, I decided something. I wanted to come clean to Suzy. I knew I’d done plenty to change the past, willingly and inadvertently, and in the case of Brian’s accident in a way I couldn’t explain. I could feel fairly sure that enough had been altered that the incident that screwed everything up with Jeff Berger and his friends wasn’t going to repeat itself, even without my being there. If I had to return to the present to escape some kind of trouble, I could do that. What I couldn’t do was leave things unfinished with Suzy.
I knew that telling her anything resembling the truth was going to cause some grief, but I couldn’t string her along, never taking her to my house and then disappearing in September. I just couldn’t look at her and keep up the lies. I parked the car. “Suze,” I said, “We need to talk.”