ALL WE SEEK TO KEEP HATH FLOWN

I awoke with a most woeful feeling. I was miserable. This was the day I would have to part with Bandit. The day before Bandit had snatched one of the fish meant for dinner and had run off with it. He was so big and strong I had trouble holding on to him. I knew in my heart that it wasn’t fair to keep him in a cage, yet when I let him loose nothing in the wanigan was safe. He ate the pies Mama set out to cool. He even ate a cake of soap, so that little bubbles came out of his mouth.

“Annabel,” Papa had said, “the best thing for Bandit is to let him go.”

“Just think how happy he’ll be to make friends with other raccoons,” Mama said.

I held out for two days but today was the day. Since it was a special day, Mama let me give Bandit a pancake, which he ate in dainty bites, making scallops as he turned it in his clever paws.

With Bandit in my arms, Jimmy and I waded onto the sandy shore. The land there had not yet been timbered. Instead of acres and acres of stumps, there were tall pines. We walked under the branches of the giant pines, their fallen needles soft under our feet, their fragrance all around us. A hawk with a red tail took off from an overhead branch. Deerflies buzzed around us. A crow whose caw was half bark and half cough scolded us.

“It’s too empty here,” I said. It was. The shade from the feathery pine branches kept out flowers and grasses. I didn’t think it would be a cheerful place for Bandit to live. We kept walking until the land dipped and we came to a bowl of timbered land. There were grasses and shrubs where little brown birds flew in and out. A narrow creek, almost hidden by the grasses, divided the bowl in half. Jimmy looked at me and I nodded.

We settled down in the grass. I scratched Bandit behind the ears the way he liked and gave him a kiss. Jimmy patted him on the head. I opened my arms and let him go. At first Bandit just sat there, but after a minute he ambled down to the stream. He stuck his nose into the water. In a minute he was back on the grass, a wriggly crayfish in his paws. We could hear the crackle as he bit into the poor crayfish’s shell.

Soon he was running off into the meadow, not even looking over his shoulder. I thought of Mr. Poe’s sad line: “All we seek to keep hath flown.” First I had lost my dog, Bandit. Now the little raccoon was gone. I couldn’t help the tears.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have given him to you.” Jimmy gave me a quick look.

I thought about what he said. It was true. If I had never set eyes on Bandit, I wouldn’t be sitting there crying.

Finally I said, “I’m glad you gave him to me. If I hadn’t been so happy with Bandit, I wouldn’t be so sad about losing him.”

Wild canaries swayed in the tops of the yellow mullein plants. A bumblebee buried itself in a blue flower. A chorus of cicadas was humming the same tune over and over.

Jimmy’s voice sounded hoarse. “My ma used to tell me stories and make me cornbread, and I sure wouldn’t have gone without a ma, even though I did lose her.”

I could see Jimmy was embarrassed at telling me how he felt, for he jumped up, shouting, “Bet I can get you lost.”

The next minute he disappeared. I had followed him into the woods, not paying attention to where we were going. Now I had no idea which way to head.

I called Jimmy’s name a couple of times, but there was no answer. I started off in one direction, but after a minute or two, I came to a tangle of blackberry bushes that seemed unfamiliar. Either I was walking in the wrong direction or I hadn’t noticed the bushes before. The briers caught at my skirts and scratched my legs. The deerflies got caught in my hair. I changed direction. I began to search for the little stream. I thought I could follow it, for it must flow into the river. The little stream had disappeared. I tried another direction and found nothing but piles of slash, the branches the lumberjacks had cleared from the trunks. The slash was as high as my head and there was no way I could climb over it.

In the distance I saw pines and walked toward them. But when I reached them, I found they were not nearly so tall as the pines Jimmy and I had walked through. Everything around me was unfamiliar. I felt as if I had entered a huge building with a thousand rooms and no way out. I thought of hungry bears and wolves.

There was a quick movement behind a bush. Not a bear or a wolf, but Jimmy. “Told you I’d get you lost.”

I hated Jimmy. I wouldn’t say a word to him but dragged sullenly along behind him. When we got to the wanigan, I climbed on board, still furious. All I could think about was getting even.

After supper I had my revenge. Teddy McGuire brought out his violin. He accompanied Penti Ranta in “Marching Through Georgia,” a favorite of the Union soldiers. “Hurrah! Hurrah!” Penti Ranta sang. “We bring the jubilee! Hurrah! Hurrah! The flag that makes you free!” He sang with much spirit and we all joined in the chorus.

“Now, Jimmy,” Teddy McGuire said, “let’s hear ‘The Flower of Kildare.’”

Jimmy’s face turned red from his ears to his forehead.

“No, Pa,” he pleaded.

Teddy McGuire gave Jimmy a stern look. “Now, boy, don’t make me coax you. God gave you a fine voice. Use it.”

Jimmy looked as if he might jump over the deck and flee into the woods, but his father’s eye was on him. Still blushing, Jimmy stood up and began the song. The words were pretty enough, with much about beating hearts and sweet kisses. I could see how it pained Jimmy to sing such words in front of everyone. I was standing at the back of the deck behind the others. As he sang, “Soon will my heart beat with joy,” I clasped my hands over my heart. As he sang, “Again her sweet kisses I hope to receive,” I made kissing motions with my mouth. You wouldn’t think it possible, but Jimmy got even redder. When he finished, he didn’t wait for applause but stormed over the side of the wanigan and disappeared into the bunk shack. He wasn’t seen again that night.

Before I went to bed that evening, I asked Mama, “Why is Jimmy so nice sometimes and so hateful other times?”

Mama smiled. “Well, dear, Jimmy is a good and kind boy, but I believe his soft heart embarrasses him. He thinks it more manly to be rough and bold, but I’m sure his good nature will always get the better of him. And, Annabel, it would be kinder if you stopped tormenting the poor boy. Don’t think I missed your taunting him tonight.”

“But, Mama, he—”

“Now, Annabel, that’s enough. Go to sleep.”

But I lay awake for a long time thinking about Bandit alone in the woods and whether I would ever speak to Jimmy again—and whether he would speak to me. At last I imagined I was queen of an enchanted forest where wolves and bears did my bidding and I had a castle full of well-behaved raccoons.