28

Bank Van Ice Cream

Ronan burst into Derm’s shed at 11 a.m. the next morning just as Kitty and I finished painting the van, and Derm was using his incredibly noisy circular saw to cut a window in the side.

‘Big news,’ he panted. ‘So, I’ve just had a haircut …’

‘Not sure I’d call that big news, Dad,’ said Kitty. ‘You didn’t get much off.’

‘I’m not finished,’ said Ronan. ‘So they’ve drafted in hundreds of extra police.’

‘Hair police?’ said Kitty, but he ignored her.

‘They’re sure the bank van is still on the island so they’re searching every building. They said the thieves are Ireland’s most wanted criminals!’

‘Not a problem,’ said Derm, pulling up his protection goggles. ‘Ireland’s most wanted will be out of here by five. Ronan, here are some stencils. Write something along the side to make it look like it sells ice cream.’

By noon Ronan had used the stencils to neatly write ICE CREME, which we then painted over and spelled correctly.

‘We should give it a name,’ said Kitty. ‘Ice-cream vans never just say “Ice Cream” – they’re always “Something Ice Cream”.’

‘“Kitty and Rex’s Ice Cream” would be a bit of a giveaway,’ I said.

‘Oh!’ Ronan had an idea. ‘How about “Bank Van Ice Cream”?’

There followed a moment where we all looked down at the ground.

‘How about “Cat and Dog Ice Cream”?’ I said.

Ronan wasn’t sure. ‘But people might think it’s ice cream for cats and dogs and not buy any.’

‘Dad, we’re not trying to sell ice cream,’ said Kitty.

‘Oh yeah. Let’s go with that!’

Kitty stencilled the name on the front.

‘We should have some ice cream onboard,’ she said to me afterwards. ‘Just in case anybody checks.’

‘Good idea,’ I said. ‘I’ll go down to Roisín’s and get some.’

‘No, I’ll make some,’ said Kitty. ‘You go buy some cones.’

When I arrived back twenty minutes later with twenty not-completely-fresh cones, Kitty’s ice cream was already in the freezer.

We rummaged around in Derm’s shed and found a white suit for him, and white aprons and caps for us.

At 3 p.m. the shed doors opened and Derm drove out in the gleaming white ice-cream van. To finish it off, we glued the giant ice cream to the roof while Ronan wired up a loudspeaker beside it. Then we stood back for a moment to admire our kind-of names. And, when Derm pressed play and tinkly ice-cream-van music played through the speaker, it actually made you want some. In a way, it seemed a shame that we were about to blow it up.