KEYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM AVOIDANCE

• Feel so you can heal. Develop a daily practice of checking in on your feelings. Pick a neutral time—for example, when you’re sitting down to a meal, waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, or brushing your teeth. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Scan your body for sensations like tightness, tingling, pleasure, or pain. See if you can identify a feeling and just name it, without judgment or trying to change it.
• Everything is temporary. When observing your feelings at neutral times becomes a comfortable habit, next try tuning into your feelings when you are flooded by a strong emotion, positive or negative. If you can, step away from the situation or interaction that is provoking the feeling of joy, sorrow, anger, and so on. Sit in stillness for a moment and breathe—it might help to close your eyes or lightly rest your hands on your lap or abdomen. Start by naming your feeling. Then, see if you can locate the feeling in your body. Get curious about it. Is it hot or cold? Loose or tight? Does it burn or ache or throb? Finally, observe how the feeling changes or dissipates.
• The opposite of depression is expression. Think of a recent conversation with a friend, partner, colleague, or family member when you avoided saying what you were feeling. It isn’t too late to take responsibility for your feelings and express your truth. Tell the person that you’ve been reflecting on the conversation and would like to follow up. Arrange a convenient time to speak, and say something like, “You know, I didn’t know how to express this at the time, but I realize I was feeling ____ when ____.”