KEYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM PARALYZING FEAR

• I can. I want. I’m willing. For one day, keep track of every time you say I can’t, I need, I should, and I’m trying. “I can’t” means I won’t. “I need” and “I should” mean I’m abdicating my freedom of choice. And “I’m trying” is lying. Eliminate this language from your vocabulary. You can’t let go of something unless you replace it with something else. Replace the language of fear with something else: I can, I want, I’m willing, I choose, I am.
• Change is synonymous with growth. Do one thing differently today than you did yesterday. If you always drive the same way to work, take a different route—or ride your bike or take a bus. If you’re usually too rushed or preoccupied to chat with the checker at the grocery store, try making eye contact and conversation. If your family is usually too busy to eat together, try sitting down to a meal together without the TV on or cell phones at the table. These small steps might seem inconsequential, but they actually train your brain to know that you’re capable of change, that nothing is locked in stone, that your choices and possibilities are endless. And getting curious about your life helps turn your anxiety into excitement. You don’t have to stay where you are, how you are, doing what you’re doing. Mix things up. You’re not stuck.
• Identify your fears. Make a list of your fears. For each fear, ask, “Is this my fear? Or someone else’s?” If it’s a fear you’ve inherited or taken on, cross it off your list. Let it go. It isn’t yours to carry. For each remaining fear, decide how realistic it is. If it is a valid concern given the facts of your life, circle it. For each realistic fear, decide if it causes you distress or stress. Distress is chronic danger and uncertainty. If you’re living in distress, your foremost responsibility is to tend to your safety and survival needs, to the degree that this is possible. Do whatever is in your power to protect yourself. If the fear is causing you stress, acknowledge that stress can be healthy. Notice how stress might be giving you an opportunity to grow. Finally, for each of the realistic fears, generate a list of things you could do today on your own behalf to strengthen yourself and build the life you want.