KEYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM NOT FORGIVING

• Am I ready to forgive? Think of a person who has wronged or harmed you. Do any of these statements ring true? What she did was unforgivable. He hasn’t earned my forgiveness. I’m ready to give her the gift of my forgiveness. If I forgive, I’ll let him off the hook. If I forgive, I’ll give him permission to keep hurting me. I’ll forgive once there’s justice, or an apology or acknowledgment. If you relate to one or more of these statements, you are likely spending energy being against someone, rather than for yourself and the life you deserve. Forgiveness isn’t something you give someone else. It’s how you release yourself.
• Acknowledge and release rage. Make a rage date with yourself. If the idea of being angry is too terrifying to face alone, ask a trusted friend or therapist to help you. Legitimize your anger, then choose a way to channel and then dissolve it. Scream and yell. Hit a punching bag. Bang the ground with a stick. Break plates on the patio. Get the rage moving, let it out so it doesn’t fester and contaminate you. Don’t stop until there’s nothing left. In a day or a week, do it again.
• Forgive yourself. If I’m having trouble releasing someone who has hurt me, it may be that I’m holding on to guilt or shame or judgment toward myself. We’re born innocent. Imagine you’re holding a precious baby in your arms. Feel the warmth and trust of this tiny being. Gaze into the curious, wide-open eyes, at the little hands that reach as though to take in every detail of the whole, unfathomable, bountiful world. This baby is you. Say, “I’m here. I live for you.”