CHAPTER 9

GENITALS, PARTS, JUNK
– WHAT SUITS BEST?

So, talking about your genitals is an awkward topic for most people. This can be even more awkward and is usually a sensitive topic for trans people, as many trans people feel uncomfortable talking about their junk, especially with complete strangers. This becomes increasingly annoying when this seems to be a topic that EVERYONE is very interested in.

Have you had the op? How do you have sex? What does it look like?

These questions are most likely something you will experience or have already experienced, and it’s important to set boundaries and ask people to respect your privacy if you don’t want to talk about it. But in this chapter we’re not going to look into that – we’re going to look into which words you are comfortable with using to describe your parts, your junk, your genitals or whatever word it is you want to use.

Not only can it be difficult to talk about your junk to strangers, but it can also be difficult to talk about it with your family, friends and even romantic and/or sexual partners. There are many reasons behind this, but often trans people have internalised shame about their own bodies because they don’t conform to conventional standards. A lot of people feel as if they must explain themselves and their body, which can be an exhausting and humiliating process for some. It shouldn’t be, because we all have such diverse bodies and no body is the same. But when things such as dysphoria come into play, it’s hard to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Many trans people use different terminology to refer to their parts and it’s important to find words that you feel comfortable with. It’s difficult to have body parts that don’t quite feel right or might cause you dysphoria. Some trans people experience dysphoria in some form or another about their genitals, whereas others might be fine with what they have. Some people use conventional words to describe their parts, while others prefer different terms. So while some AFAB people who haven’t had surgery might refer to their genitals as clit, pussy and vagina, others might prefer terms associated with masculinity, such as dick, cock, dickclit, manhole, fuckhole or hole. Some might not want them to be mentioned at all and avoid the topic. Some might feel comfortable talking about having sex or being fucked, or fucking others or how they have sex, whereas others don’t. What’s important to remember is to communicate with your partner(s) – if you have any – and let them know your preferences. It will make you feel a lot better once you’ve established this.

The same goes for AMAB people. Some don’t mind referring to their junk in the conventional sense, such as dick, cock, penis, balls and testicles, whereas other might prefer more feminine words, such as vagina, pussy, clit, girldick, ladycock or any other equivalent.

The reason trans people use different words is often to visualise genitals that they might be aiming to get through surgeries or to simply alleviate the dysphoria caused by calling their genitals certain things. Find what works for you and communicate that with your partner(s) if you wish. It will make you feel a lot better and your partner(s) will be able to respect you and your identity – in and out of the bedroom!

WHAT DO OTHERS USE?

Out of curiosity, we did a small survey to gather information from people about what terms they prefer to use. We asked them how they identified, what they were assigned at birth, whether they had had any genital surgery and what words they used to describe their junk. We had just over 500 respondents and got some interesting results. These results are in no way scientific – just more of an indication of what words people are using. Here are some of the results:

Most trans women and AMAB non binary people that have had genital surgery referred to their junk as vagina, pussy, clit, down there and private parts.

Most trans women and AMAB non binary people that have not had genital surgery generally referred to their junk as dick, vagina, junk and down there.

Only a very small percentage of respondents were trans men or AFAB non binary people that have had genital surgery, but they mostly referred to their junk as dick, cock and penis.

Trans men or AFAB non binary people that have not had genital surgery mostly referred to their junk as dick, junk, vagina, clit and down there.

As you can see from these responses, what people use varies, especially between those who have not had genital surgery. So whatever term you feel fits you is completely valid and you shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. It’s your body and it should be defined on your terms.

Fox Fisher

Don’t be afraid to tell people you’re with your preferences for names and don’t feel awkward about calling your junk certain things. It’s something that’s very important, and feeling safe and comfortable while being intimate with people is essential and you should never do it otherwise. Talk about this with your partner(s) beforehand if you feel awkward and explain to them how you feel. Your sexual partners should be aware of this and should respect your wishes. It’s your body, your choice.