The snowfall is heavier from day to day. The women, the children, and the elderly huddle in the bunkers. The fighters, the emergency squads, Kamil, and Felix all sleep in the tents. Drills and exercise are strictly performed. Soon we will go on a raid; supplies are low, and we must replenish them.
Russian radio is jubilant: the Stalingrad front has been completely broken. The German Army, despite its reinforcements, is in retreat. The excited radio announcer leaves no room for doubt. We want to celebrate, but Danzig’s injury and the decline in Grandma Tsirl’s health undercut our happiness. Kamil had thought of sending two squads to capture a surgeon to treat Danzig but concluded that the risks were great and the chances of success were minimal.
Victor reminds us that the camps to which the Jews are taken are death camps. There are fighters who are skeptical of his testimony, but Kamil and Felix trust him and hope that in the upcoming mission we will succeed in derailing a train that is taking Jews to their death.
Amid the enormous tension there are nights when Michael hands out pages in his neat handwriting with biblical verses or an anecdote from Martin Buber’s Hasidic tales. Studying by the campfire takes us back to the days when we had a home, parents, and grandparents, when we would sit by the stove and read till late at night. There’s nothing like long winter nights for reading and silence.
I REMEMBER: When I was in the first grade, Mama would take me to school every day and come to pick me up when classes were over. Our home wasn’t far from the school, but it seemed distant to me, farther than I could walk alone. Also, I loved walking with Mama, looking at people and birds, and asking a lot of questions. More than once, Mama told me, Run along, darling. I’ll catch up with you. But I refused, held her hand, and wouldn’t let go.
Most of the children came to school without their mothers. I noticed that only a few made their mothers take them to the front gate. For this we were teased. The other children would shout to us, “You’re still little babies; you need Mommy’s breast!”
They were rude and they cursed like grown-ups.
Mama would say, “Don’t pay attention to them; they’re uncivilized.” I couldn’t ignore their mocking. Only later at the gymnasium, in the physical education class, did I develop muscles and learn how to hit and take a beating.
GRANDMA TSIRL’S HEALTH has gotten worse. Salo and Maxie took her out of the bunker and moved her to the infirmary tent. Grandma Tsirl does not complain; she keeps saying that the time has come to remove the barriers between this world and the World to Come, and then it will become clear that death is an illusion. “Salo, my dear, save the medicines for the fighters and don’t feed them to me. I can manage without them.”
“Grandma Tsirl, don’t rush to leave us. We need you,” said Kamil, who came to visit her. “We need you now more than ever.”
“How can I help you, my dear, I’m so weak. Every little movement makes me dizzy.”
“Soon we’ll go down to derail a train, and we’ll ask for your blessing before we go.”
“They have already told me, my dear, that in the coming days they will come to take me.”
“And you won’t be with us on the day of victory?”
“Don’t worry, my dear. I’m sure that this whole devoted community will see wonders and miracles.”
Kamil bowed his head and left her.
Later on some of us went to see her. She immediately recognized me and said, “Don’t worry. Your mother, Bunya, is watching over you.”
“Where is she now, Grandma?”
“In a place that God assigned her to be.”
“Will I see her again?”
“If God wishes it.”
She also recognized Isidor and called to him. “Itche Meir, take good care of the prayers. You are lucky; your grandfather Itche Meir planted the prayers in you, and they speak from inside of you. You are the pillar of fire of our camp,” she said and closed her eyes. It was clear that talking had exhausted her.
The same night, the winds raged and took Reb Hanoch and his tent. When we got up in the morning, there was nothing in his place but white snow.
Kamil ordered the emergency squads to surround the summit and search for Reb Hanoch. Later another squad joined them. No sign or trace was found, and everyone was in shock. No one spoke; it was as if our lives had again been dealt an unfathomable blow.
The winds continued to howl, and we stood frozen in place, not seeking shelter. Only now did we grasp what Reb Hanoch had given us. What would we have done without the stocking caps, the gloves, and the vests. We had taken his gifts for granted.
Kamil did not give up; he ordered us to descend from the summit to continue the search.