The upper crust of snow has frozen in the bitter cold; fortunately, we are equipped with walking sticks. The sticks help us keep our footing and not slip. In this season, the steep descent to the railroad tracks takes about three hours. Hostile patrols and ambushes must be taken into account, as well as sprains and fractures. Salo and Maxie are equipped with splints, bandages, disinfectants, and medicines. Still, there were no end of surprises; as we snaked down from the mountain, we discovered a young German officer sprawled on the ground, nearly frozen. We could have simply moved on, and there were good reasons for doing so, but Kamil felt we should leave him a little food and water and pick him up on the way back. Capturing a German officer is no minor matter.
After we gave him a cup of water, Karl questioned him as to how and why he was separated from his unit. The officer admitted that he collapsed from weakness and apparently fell asleep. About the operation itself, he said, “We went to survey the area and get ready to attack the Jews who escaped from the ghettos.” He didn’t know about the German retreat from the Eastern front, or didn’t want to reveal it.
“Are you Jews?” he blurted out in shock.
“That’s right.”
“And you’re not killing me?”
“No.”
“Thank you. That’s unusually gracious of you.”
“Why?”
“Because we killed Jews indiscriminately.”
“What do you mean by ‘indiscriminately’?”
“We killed them only because they were Jews.”
“Are you sorry about that?”
“It was an order, and orders are obeyed. Yes, it was unpleasant work, and sometimes even horrifying, but it was an order. You obey orders and think about it later.”
“You say this was unpleasant work. What do you mean?”
“Killing day after day.”
We could suddenly see how young he was, twenty-three or twenty-four. He was obviously weak, and it seemed that the words he spoke surprised him, too.
“And if the same order were given again, would you obey it?”
“It’s hard to imagine myself refusing an order.”
It was strange; he could have pretended, lied, or blamed his superiors. But he preferred not to betray the oath of loyalty he had sworn at the end of officers’ training.
“Do you have parents?” Karl changed the course of interrogation.
“Yes,” said the young officer, surprised by the question.
“Where do they live?”
“In Düsseldorf,” he said with a smile.
“Are you married?”
“I’m engaged.” He smiled again, more broadly.
“What does your father do?”
“He’s a pharmacist.”
“What were you thinking when you killed Jews day after day?”
“I didn’t think. Obeying orders comes before thinking.”
“And what about human feeling? Jews are also human beings.”
“Yes, but they are said to be different.”
“In what way different?”
“They are dangerous to mankind.”
“Can you explain?”
“They are profiteers,” he said, barely containing his smile.
“You are an educated young man. I assume you graduated from high school and studied the German classics. You listened to classical music, went to the theater, but you speak like a despicable murderer. Who made you a murderer? Do you understand my question? Let’s assume that the Jews are profiteers; is that a reason to murder them?”
The young officer apparently realized he had gone too far and didn’t reply. Karl waited a moment and said, raising his voice, “Tell me, did you study Goethe’s lyric poetry?”
“Yes,” he said quietly. Then he suddenly looked up and asked, “Are you going to execute me?”
“We’ll see,” Karl said dryly.
“I ask permission to write a short letter to my parents and fiancée.”
“And what will you write to them?”
“That I was loyal to my oath until the last moment of my life.”
“You’re less than a man,” said Karl with a scornful glare.
We all felt the officer should be shot. But Felix thought he should be kept alive, picked up on our way back to the summit, and interrogated more thoroughly. We took away his shoes and his rifle and left him a blanket.
Without another word to him, we went on our way.
WE HAD TWO HOURS to spare. I forgot the dangers awaiting us and was happy to be out on a mission; my feet were warm and dry, my body pounding. I carried a new weapon, I had five magazines and four grenades, and I was with people I could depend on.
I remembered my arrival at the base, meeting Kamil and Felix, Salo, Maxie, and Karl, who struck me as people with a big plan for the world, a plan to which they were devoted, body and soul. They were armed but not violent. Their movements were quiet and restrained; they spoke little, and what they did say I didn’t always understand.
I also remembered the first drills: running, crawling, and rope climbing, the breaks between drills, the sandwiches and ten o’clock recess. I didn’t know this was also mental training for the days to come. I didn’t yet know how to rid myself of egotism and bond with my new comrades. Little by little I learned from them how to be silent, how to be ready to help and be helped.