I WAS A total wreck, out of breath and drenched in sweat, when I fell through the door into my room. Refusing to succumb to my tears, I clenched my teeth, kicking my clothes, which still lay scattered on the floor, out of the way.
That was it. I was done with Mr. Anthony—I was only playing with you—Mitchell! He could drop dead and I wouldn’t care. And while I was at it, he could shove those damn pictures he’d drawn of me right up his ass. Fishing them out of my portfolio, I was ready to rip them to pieces and dump them in the bin. But then my gaze fell on his black sweatshirt on the floor and I had a better idea. After all, I still had to give him that damn hoodie back.
When I was done raging and kicking things around, I started to clean my room—a good way to calm my heated temper and tamp down my anger. He wasn’t worth it, I told myself time and again. Tony wasn’t worth even a thought.
But I couldn’t deny it.
It hurt.
It hurt when I thought of him, and it hurt even more when I tried not to. It hurt when I closed my eyes. And it hurt when I breathed. Nothing could stop this pain. No one could make it go away.
I felt trapped in a dungeon of emotions that had firmly closed its gates. Finally, the first tears spilled over and burned a hot trail down my cheeks. Angry at myself, I wiped them away, sank onto my bed, and put my head in my hands. What did it take to not feel? How could I ban this ugly aching from my chest and move on?
I didn’t know.
But one thing would be different from now on. No matter how I felt, no one would ever know the heartbreak I’d suffered. I was done playing the open book of emotions for everyone to see. No, I wouldn’t tell anyone what happened today. I would smile and pretend all was right in my life.
And I started right then when Chloe shoved my door open without knocking to let me know that dinner was ready.
With my head held high and my heart in a chokehold so it couldn’t bring me down, I went to the dining room and sat down with my family. Pamela had cooked again, roast pork and veggies, and she happily served everyone.
Before we started eating, Jack rose from the table and headed into the living room. A second later, he called out, “Did you take the last two bottles of Scotch, honey?”
“No, why?” Pam shouted back.
Jack returned with a bottle of white wine instead of Scotch, a puzzled frown on his face. “They’re gone. I’m sure there were two bottles left.”
“They should be there,” Pamela answered. “I know we didn’t open the ones you got from your boss for your birthday.”
“That’s what I thought.”
I started cutting my pork, not paying much attention to their conversation. As I shoved the first bite into my mouth, though, I suddenly caught Chloe’s amused gaze on me. A scary sense of foreboding made me stop chewing.
“Sam, didn’t you take the Scotch to Lisa’s sleepover last weekend?” she asked in an overly innocent voice.
“No! I did not!” I shot back. My heart lurched to my throat at the sight of my aunt and uncle sending me surprised looks.
“Oh. My bad,” Chloe crooned. “I thought I saw you take them upstairs. But I must have been mistaken.” As if nothing had happened, she continued eating her meal, ignoring my dumbstruck expression.
“Sam?”
I turned to my aunt’s soft inquiry.
“Did you take the Scotch to your friends?”
“No, Pamela. I swear I didn’t touch those bottles. I don’t even drink! None of my friends do.”
“Oh, you sure about that?” Chloe chipped in again. “But then, you haven’t been to any of Hunter’s parties yet, so you probably don’t know. There’s always lots of alcohol when they get together.”
How the hell could she sound so calm and sweet? I knew she was inwardly celebrating that she’d gotten the chance to send me to my doom.
“Well, none of my friends brought any alcohol last weekend.” My gaze hardened on her. “What about your friends? Did you take the Scotch to celebrate with Brinna, Les, and Kirsten?” I emphasized each name explicitly.
A muscle ticked in Chloe’s jaw, but she didn’t answer.
“There, there,” Uncle Jack cut in. “Let’s not accuse each other.” Then he narrowed his eyes at me, and I knew he meant I shouldn’t have a go at his princess like that. “I don’t know what happened to the Scotch, but I want you to know, Sam, that we don’t lie to each other or steal in this family.”
My chin dropped to the floor. He was accusing me?
“I’m sure nobody in this family is a thief,” Pam came to my rescue. “So why don’t we just drop this topic and enjoy our meal while it’s still hot?” She rubbed my arm and gave me a warm smile. “Don’t worry, Sammy. We know you didn’t take the Scotch.”
From her look I knew she believed me, but she was only one third of the jury. My appetite gone, I pushed my veggies around the plate with my fork but couldn’t bring myself to eat any more.
Today sucked, and I was glad when I could finally crawl into bed and close this chapter for good.
*
Wednesday morning, I woke with a kink in my neck—I must have tossed and turned in my sleep and hung my head over the edge of the bed. After wondering for some time when the best moment to return the sweatshirt to Tony would be, I got up way too late. Confronting him today was not something I was looking forward to. I knew it was going to reopen the wound he’d cut in my heart yesterday. But most of all, I didn’t want to make a fuss in front of my friends.
Wrapping the darn thing in a plastic bag, I decided to give it to him after AVE. It was the safest moment. But it didn’t take until sixth period or even lunch to see Tony. He was waiting for me outside my science classroom.
Leaning against the wall, he focused on me as I came down the hallway, intending to ignore him and just slip into class. My heart pounded louder with every stride I took in his direction. When it became clear to him that I wasn’t going to speak to him, he lifted his arm, bracing himself against the doorjamb, blocking my way inside.
“Sam, can we talk?” he said with a low voice.
I had to stop because otherwise I would have bumped into him, but I didn’t intend to stay. “No,” I said coldly, ducked under his arm, and stalked into class. I didn’t look back as I went to my seat next to Nick, who was listening to music with his headphones plugged into his ears. He hadn’t noticed anything. And when I cast a brief glance at the door, Tony was gone.
It was hard to get through the morning pretending everything was all right, but I managed. None of my friends suspected something was off, or that I was suffering silently while putting on a smile. Lunch was the hardest part of the day, because even though I half-expected Tony to be absent again, he was there. He sat silently across the table from me. For the entire hour, I felt his burning stare on my face, but I refused to look in his direction.
Nick was a nice distraction, as always. He bantered with me about my addiction to lollipops then tried to pull mine out of my mouth. Before break was over, Lisa and Ryan announced a party at Hunter’s house the coming weekend. Saturday was their three-month anniversary. Unfortunately, it was also the day that the Bay Sharks co-ed team played the Rabid Wolves. Lisa’s disappointment that they couldn’t spend the day together was apparent, but she told me later in PE that Ryan let slip he had a surprise for her at the party after the game. It had sure lifted her spirits.
“Did you and Tony finish that art project?” she asked me after we had done cartwheels down the entire length of the gym.
Not talking about something was one thing. But I hated to lie. So I just nodded and tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. I didn’t want to be home alone again today, so I asked the girls if they were up for sundaes that afternoon.
“Sure,” Lisa agreed. “We can go to Charlie’s. Tony’s bussing tables there today so he can be free for the party this weekend. I’m sure we can get some free ice cream.” She waggled her brows at me, obviously not aware of how my stomach had slid to my feet just then.
After PE, I got really nervous, because it was time to face Tony and give him the bag with the hoodie inside. I could hardly concentrate during AVE and wondered if he was looking at me from the back or if he’d gone back to ignoring me like I was ignoring him.
When the final bell rang and everyone was packing their things, I quickly shoved my stuff into my schoolbag, then pulled out the sweatshirt and rose from my seat. As I turned, ready to walk to the back of the room, I banged against a firm chest.
Funnily enough, his mere scent from my wild girl-dreams gave Tony away without my having to look up. But when I did, I almost got lost in the depth of his sky-blue eyes. I swallowed hard, reining in my unwanted excitement.
Tony tilted his head, his lips sealed tight, but his look warm and hopeful.
“Here.” I pushed the bag at him. “That’s yours.” Not waiting another moment, I whirled around and hurried off.
Good job, Sam, I told myself, proud that I’d been cool enough not to stutter or otherwise give away my nervousness. He didn’t have to see how he affected me after all. And holy cow, he did affect me.