One week later. OLIVIA’s apartment. Evening. The sounds of the city.
There are many, many books on shelves and in stacks all over the room. ETHAN, holding a small suitcase, and OLIVIA kiss. After a moment, they break apart.
ETHAN
That was a long week.
OLIVIA
Are you hungry?
ETHAN
No. I’m good.
ETHAN kisses OLIVIA and pulls her to the sofa. She breaks away.
OLIVIA
So, it seems like it went well.
ETHAN
Yeah, it did. Sorry we didn’t talk more but things were crazy.
OLIVIA
No. You were in touch a lot considering how busy you were.
ETHAN moves in to kiss her.
Can we talk for a second? You just walked in the door.
ETHAN
Yeah. Sure.
A text chime from ETHAN’s phone.
During the next exchange, he reads and texts throughout.
OLIVIA
So, your meetings were good?
ETHAN
Yeah, really good. It was insane, though, work all day, and then my manager kept taking me out to all those fucking parties …
OLIVIA
They weren’t fun?
ETHAN
It was fine for a couple days, but I’d lose my mind, I think, if I actually lived there. Anyway, they treated me like a rock star, so who am I to complain about it?
OLIVIA
It’s great.
ETHAN
No. The great part is, I just heard from Junot Díaz and he’s going to give me an exclusive release of a new short story.
OLIVIA
For your app?
ETHAN
Yes!
OLIVIA (Genuinely impressed.)
Whoa. That’s thrilling.
ETHAN
It is.
ETHAN finally pulls himself away from the phone and looks around the room seeing all the books.
ETHAN
Wow. This is a frigging library.
OLIVIA
I know. It borders on a sickness.
ETHAN
I have your books that I took.
OLIVIA
Thanks.
ETHAN
I read them both.
OLIVIA
You did? Did you like them?
ETHAN
I did. The Tolstoy short stories the most.
OLIVIA
Those P. and V. translations are great. You ever read him before?
ETHAN
I started War and Peace once.
OLIVIA
You started with War and Peace?
ETHAN
I didn’t say finish it. I’ve read Dostoyevsky. Gogol. But no Tolstoy.
OLIVIA
Until now.
ETHAN
I’m catching up.
As he leans in to kiss her, a text chime from his phone. OLIVIA pulls back.
ETHAN (Re: reading the text.)
Oh, man.
OLIVIA
What?
ETHAN
It’s nothing. My mom.
OLIVIA
She OK?
ETHAN
Yeah. It’s, uh, it’s her birthday next month and she’s been sending me these texts with pictures of some “suggestions.”
OLIVIA
Is that sweet or weird?
ETHAN
I don’t know. But I think I was happier when she wouldn’t accept my gifts because she was so mortified by me, her son, the asshole public sex maniac. At least then it seemed like she expected more of me. Now, it’s like she believes this is the best I’ll ever do so she might as well enjoy it! I mean, she, of all people on earth, she knows me, and, yet, the bigger things get, the more she gives up on me …
OLIVIA
I’m sorry.
ETHAN (Shaking it off.)
It’s fine.
(Remembering.)
Hey, I got you something.
OLIVIA
What do you mean? Like a present?
ETHAN
Yes.
OLIVIA
Why?
ETHAN
Because I wanted to. What? Don’t you like presents?
OLIVIA
No. I love presents.
ETHAN
All right then.
ETHAN pulls out an iPad mini from his bag and presents it to her.
OLIVIA (Unsure.)
Oh.
ETHAN (Joking.)
It’s called an iPad.
OLIVIA
Shut up.
ETHAN
We can put all your books on it so you won’t have to carry them around anymore.
OLIVIA (Not impressed.)
Huh.
ETHAN
I got you the little one ’cause it’s more like holding a book.
(Tapping the iPad.)
I already loaded a couple of your favorites.
OLIVIA
You did?
ETHAN
Yeah.
OLIVIA
That was really thoughtful.
ETHAN
You like it?
OLIVIA (Smells the iPad.)
Smells like the future.
ETHAN (Re: the iPad.)
And with this, you can also check your book sales whenever, wherever. Here.
(He taps something on the iPad.)
See.
OLIVIA
Great.
ETHAN
It’s exciting, isn’t it!
OLIVIA (Vaguely.)
Yeah …
ETHAN
You haven’t checked it, have you? Have you even seen it?
OLIVIA
No.
ETHAN
Olivia.
OLIVIA
I’m too scared. Being out there again … I know that might be hard for you to understand but …
ETHAN
Olivia! E. S. Thorn sold three hundred books.
OLIVIA
What?!
ETHAN
In a week. At $2.99, it’s not a lot of money yet, but for someone unknown that’s actually really good. It’s gaining momentum and the comments are—OK, we’re looking at them right now.
OLIVIA
No.
ETHAN (Pulling it up on the iPad.)
Come on.
OLIVIA
I can’t.
ETHAN
You can.
OLIVIA
No. I feel like I’m about to throw up.
ETHAN
So, what? You want me to read them to you?
OLIVIA (Full of anxiety.)
No. I don’t! / / Really!
ETHAN
OK. Some are about the excerpts, some the whole book.
OLIVIA
I don’t want to hear them! / / Really, Ethan! Don’t!
ETHAN
OK. There are fifty-seven comments.
OLIVIA
Fifty-seven?!
ETHAN (Re: reading comment.)
“I love your writing!”
(Reading.)
“It’s smart, bold, aching, and funny.”
OLIVIA
Really?
ETHAN (Reading.)
“Beyond the humor (which is great) the intense moments of sadness give this real soul.”
OLIVIA
That’s really nice.
ETHAN
“This made me LAUGH”—laugh in all caps. “Buying the book now!!!!!!”—six exclamation points.
OLIVIA
Not sure how I feel about that one.
ETHAN
This is a good one—“Where’s a profile pic? I bet you’re as hot as your writing.”
OLIVIA
Oh, no.
(A tiny beat.)
OK. What about the bad ones?
ETHAN
There aren’t that many.
OLIVIA
OK. Go on.
ETHAN
Are you ready?
OLIVIA
No.
(Gathering herself.)
OK. Go.
ETHAN
“Boring.”
OLIVIA
That’s all?
ETHAN (Reading the full entry.)
“This was boring to me.”
OLIVIA
OK.
ETHAN (Reading a different entry.)
“I am older than your average reader, I imagine, but I found your writing shocking, crass, and not the kind of thing I think most Americans enjoy.”
OLIVIA
Seriously? I’m crass?
ETHAN
See, you’re putting it all in perspective.
OLIVIA
Is he calling my writing un-American?
ETHAN
I think he is.
OLIVIA
Kook.
ETHAN
Yup.
OLIVIA
(In response to seeing something, as though wounded.)
Ohhhhhh.
(Reading a comment.)
“Remarkably self-indulgent and completely trivial.”
ETHAN
How do you feel?
OLIVIA
Bad.
ETHAN
Really bad?
OLIVIA
No. Just a little bad. But I’ll feel worse, if I keep going. “Empty narcissism.”
ETHAN
I wrote that one.
OLIVIA
You did?
ETHAN
Yeah, that is a fake one.
OLIVIA
Did you write all the positive ones?
ETHAN
Only one.
OLIVIA
Which one.
ETHAN
I’m not telling.
OLIVIA
The nicest one?
ETHAN
No, actually.
OLIVIA
Did you write the hot one?
ETHAN
The “are you as hot as your writing” one?
OLIVIA
Yes.
ETHAN
Yes.
OLIVIA
Cute.
(Looking at the screen.)
OK. That’s just mean. And disgusting. “Your writing sucks a filthy whore’s twat.”
ETHAN
Ignore it. I’ll delete it later for “inappropriate content.” And Jonathan Lethem retweeted the link.
OLIVIA
What? Jonathan Lethem?!
ETHAN
Yeah.
OLIVIA
No! You’re kidding!
ETHAN
I’m not. I’ll show you.
(Tapping the iPad.)
And, you know, Susan, my agent, she loved it, too.
OLIVIA
She did? What did she say?
ETHAN
Thought it was fucking great. I told her the new one was even better and she wants to read it. She didn’t call you?
OLIVIA
No, she didn’t.
ETHAN
She will.
(Pointing to the screen.)
See. Jonathan Lethem recommends …
OLIVIA (Looking at the screen.)
Holy shit! Holy. Fucking. Shit!
ETHAN
See, it’s not so bad, huh?
OLIVIA
I can’t even …
ETHAN
You did it. I’m proud of you.
OLIVIA
No. You did it.
ETHAN (Cockily.)
OK. Yeah. I did.
OLIVIA
Thank you.
ETHAN
You’re welcome. OK. Was that enough talking?
ETHAN gently takes the iPad away from OLIVIA and moves in on her. They kiss. It escalates, clothes start coming off. OLIVIA breaks away.
OLIVIA
I can’t. I …
ETHAN (Shocked, confused.)
What? What is it?
OLIVIA (After a long, bad silence.)
I, uh …
ETHAN
What is it?
OLIVIA
While you were in LA, I, uh …
ETHAN
Yeah …?
OLIVIA
I read your book.
ETHAN
Oh.
OLIVIA
The first one. That was all I could handle. I see why you didn’t want me to.
ETHAN
’Cause you hate me now?
OLIVIA
Well, first of all, it was weird, reading about you having sex with a hundred other women.
ETHAN
I told you not to read it.
OLIVIA
And all of those descriptions … beyond all the online sex and sex parties and all that stuff, which, I’m sorry, but I find really creepy. I mean, I’m not like that. I’m not interested in that …
ETHAN
That’s fine. I’ve already done all that shit.
OLIVIA
That’s not the point. The thing that really bothered me was the way you talk about those girls. I mean, who is that guy? You walk in here and I don’t see him at all.
ETHAN
He’s not me. Not anymore.
OLIVIA
The picture on the book jacket is you.
ETHAN
What I wrote about … I did that stuff years ago.
OLIVIA
Like five.
ETHAN
That’s a long time.
OLIVIA
Is it?
ETHAN
And, anyway, I told you, a lot of things are, you know, embellished.
OLIVIA
Like what?
ETHAN
Like the really bad stuff.
OLIVIA
Isn’t that most of it?
ETHAN
I wouldn’t say most of it but … come on. You know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t / / do a lot of that—
OLIVIA
Do I?
ETHAN
Don’t say that. Why didn’t you tell me about this right away?
OLIVIA
I wanted to see you. I didn’t want to talk about it on the phone. I mean … I also found a bunch of those sites … girls that wrote about you. Wrote about being with you.
ETHAN
OK, you have to know, most of that is bullshit.
OLIVIA
They make you sound like such a—I don’t even know what the word would be. All the ones I can think of are too charming. But you sounded … dangerous.
ETHAN
Show me what you’re talking about.
OLIVIA (Getting her computer.)
Uh … OK.
ETHAN
Look, ever since word got out of the movie happening, people are coming out of the woodwork, saying shit, most of whom I’ve never met. You can’t take them at / / face value—
OLIVIA
A lot of them had really personal information about you.
(Hard for her to say.)
Including one who wrote an incredibly graphic description of what you do, of your face, when you’re about to …
ETHAN
A bunch of them probably have slept with me, OK? So, yeah, they’ve got that information. But everything else? You can’t believe it.
OLIVIA
Here’s one.
ETHAN (Looking at the screen.)
Oh, God. Come on! She—this girl, Whitney, she, I dated her when I was nineteen! I mean, fuck! Am I going to be held accountable for every stupid thing—I mean, can you defend everything you did at nineteen?
OLIVIA
Well, the record of everything I did before the age of twenty-one is in one large cardboard box at the bottom of my closet, so I’m not really the one to ask.
ETHAN
You never broke someone’s heart or did something you’re not exactly proud of—?
OLIVIA
Of course. Of course. But you humiliated her. In such an awful way.
ETHAN
I did some stupid shit. OK? I’m not saying I didn’t. But every single one of these girls knew—because I told them—that I was going to be a total asshole.
OLIVIA
And that makes it OK?
ETHAN
Every one of them was OK with it.
OLIVIA
I can’t believe that’s true. You left drunk girls naked and unconscious in pools of their own vomit, never knowing if they ever got home / / all right—
ETHAN
I’m not saying I’m proud of it. All right? / / But—
OLIVIA
You left that girl in the middle of the highway.
ETHAN
That never happened. I fucking made that up.
OLIVIA
And you think that’s OK? That you made up even more shocking, more horrifying things, and let people think you not only did them, but that it was something to brag about, to imitate?
ETHAN
That’s not me. That’s Ethan Strange.
OLIVIA
I don’t understand the difference.
ETHAN
Look, how have I been to you. Not to those girls. To you?
OLIVIA
Amazing.
ETHAN
So, can we just focus on what’s in the room? Please?
OLIVIA
I want to. I do.
ETHAN
Look, I want to be with you. And I thought maybe you felt the same way.
OLIVIA
I did. But the things that are in my head now …
ETHAN
Why are you letting some shit from the past that may or may not even be true / / keep you from—
OLIVIA
Those girls, so many of them, seemed so funny and smart and more beautiful than I ever was and you were merciless about them. To them. That that judgment could be directed at me—
ETHAN
It won’t be.
OLIVIA
That one day you might treat me / / like that—
ETHAN
I wouldn’t.
OLIVIA
It makes me … afraid of you.
ETHAN
I told you I won’t write about you. I promised you I won’t.
OLIVIA
Yeah / / but—
ETHAN
And for the rest? You have to trust me.
OLIVIA
How do I do that?
ETHAN
It’s in the past. I’m different now. Please, Olivia. Look at me. I’m telling you. The guy you think I am? That is who I am now.
OLIVIA (Unsure.)
OK …
ETHAN
Look, I could be anywhere right now. With just about anyone I wanted.
OLIVIA (A little stung.)
OK. Thanks for that.
ETHAN
No. I’m just saying, I’m here with you. I want to be here with you. And you have to know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt / / you or—
OLIVIA
How do I / / know that?
ETHAN (Exasperated.)
OK. So, you’re going to trust …
(Pointing to the computer.)
This over me? Over who I am right here, standing right in front of you?
OLIVIA (Looking away, almost inaudible.)
… I …
ETHAN (After a moment.)
So, what? Do you want me to go?
OLIVIA
No. No. I … I don’t.
ETHAN
So …
OLIVIA
So …
(After a moment.)
I just don’t know what to do with all of this information. When I think about it … I …
ETHAN
So, don’t think about it.
ETHAN moves in on her. OLIVIA is resistant but he doesn’t give up. Their physical attraction slowly wins out and pulls them together.
Clothes come off.
Sex is imminent.
A week later. Late afternoon. OLIVIA is standing just inside the front doorway, her coat still on. ETHAN sits in a chair, holding a book he’s been reading.
OLIVIA
Even just talking about my writing again with someone like Susan would have been enough. But … she loved it.
ETHAN
I knew she would.
OLIVIA
And her response was so detailed and specific. Her reading was … very deep. And to be able to engage in that level of conversation about my work? I just … it was thrilling! I was terrified at first because, besides you, she’s the only one who has read it. But hearing her talk about certain moments was so….
ETHAN (I get it.)
Yeah.
OLIVIA
I mean, she loved it.
ETHAN
I told you.
OLIVIA
You were right! I was so worried about dealing with the whole E. S. Thorn thing—that I’m getting all of this attention with this fictional biography—but she doesn’t think it matters. She said me writing under E. S. Thorn might actually help us going forward—not sure how I feel about that—but she says we’ll work it out.
ETHAN
Whatever they do, it’ll be legal.
OLIVIA
Even if it’s ethically sketchy?
ETHAN
She loved it and that’s all you need to think about right now.
OLIVIA
She had some notes. But they actually didn’t bother me. Her questions were very incisive and—
ETHAN
What were her notes?
OLIVIA
She had some thoughts about the ending—
ETHAN
Yeah, she’ll push you to change the ending.
OLIVIA
She wasn’t suggesting that I change it / / but that I think about—
ETHAN
She will. If you go with her. She will.
OLIVIA
Why?
ETHAN
Because it’s not commercial. At all.
OLIVIA
So, what? You think she’ll try and make it more commercial? I thought you trusted her?
ETHAN
As far as agents go, she’s great. And you don’t have to listen to her in the end. But she wants to make money. So, you should know if you sign with her, in the future, she’s going to try and push you to be more commercial.
OLIVIA
Well, I’m not going to make any changes to my book that I don’t believe in, but I liked what she had to say and I’m going to think about it.
ETHAN
OK. I’m just warning you.
OLIVIA
Why? Is that what happened to you? Sex with Strangers was really a warm, family drama until sneaky Susan got her hands on it?
ETHAN
I’m just saying, when they start talking about getting a deal and who wants what, it’s easy to start compromising, to make money, to be popular.
A text chime from ETHAN’s phone. He looks to it and reads as OLIVIA is talking.
OLIVIA
Yeah, well, I’ve been broke and obscure for so long, I’d be willing to compromise a little just to see what rich and popular is like.
(Re: his reading the text.)
Should I wait or …?
ETHAN (Texting now.)
I’m totally listening.
OLIVIA
OK. Well, I don’t think she’s trying to make me compromise. I don’t.
ETHAN (Back with her now.)
So, are you going to sign with her?
OLIVIA
I want to. If you’re OK with it. The opportunities, the doors she could open for me … She said she’d take it to FSG.
ETHAN
FSG? Really?
OLIVIA
I know! She thinks they would really go for it.
ETHAN
FSG would be something.
OLIVIA
I know! They’ve published Flannery O’Connor! Roberto Bolaño! Jamaica Kincaid, Jeffrey Eugenides, Marilynne Robinson—it’s crazy!
ETHAN
FSG. Fuck.
(After a moment.)
Yeah, well, those editors, they’ll have some opinions. Susan’s just an agent. But an editor at fucking FSG? You just better be ready for that.
OLIVIA
I am. It would be incredible to work with an editor on that level.
ETHAN
Sure. Maybe. But you give up a lot of control going somewhere like that.
OLIVIA
Is that true?
ETHAN
You really feel like you’re going to have a leg to stand on with some editor who’s worked with one of those writers? A house like FSG, if they really push you, would be great. But if they don’t? Look, you’re already established—
OLIVIA
Well, E. S. Thorn is established …
ETHAN
Your first book is selling incredibly well. It might be better to put the new one out yourself. Or … or let me.
OLIVIA
Through your app?
ETHAN
Yes. You’d have so much more control. It could all happen now. You wouldn’t have to go through the whole editing and galley process.
OLIVIA
Right. But … I, uh, I just, I want a real book.
ETHAN
Ebooks are real books.
OLIVIA
Right. But I want a deal that includes publishing a physical book. It won’t feel real unless I can hold it in my hands.
ETHAN
You can pay to make one on demand if a hard copy is so important.
OLIVIA
It’s not the same.
ETHAN
But that’s so …
OLIVIA
I know. But it’s what I want.
ETHAN
All right. Well. It’s great. Her being interested. It is. And possible deal with FSG? We’ll see, but it’s great.
OLIVIA (Unsure.)
OK.
A text chime. ETHAN looks to his phone.
ETHAN
Sorry. One second.
(Re: the email, shaking his head, smiling.)
Jesus.
OLIVIA
What?
ETHAN
Nothing.
(Putting his phone away.)
This guy’s offering to pay me a crazy amount of money to go to his club opening in Vegas.
OLIVIA
And do what?
ETHAN
Nothing. Just to go.
OLIVIA
They’re going to pay you to go to a party in Las Vegas?
ETHAN
Yeah. You know, celebrities go and cameras show up.
OLIVIA (Teasing him.)
Celebrities?
ETHAN
Whatever. It’s stupid. But, it’s a lot of money.
OLIVIA
So, you should go.
ETHAN
It’s on Saturday and I’ll be in LA then anyway—
OLIVIA
You will?
ETHAN
Yeah, I just found out I have to go this weekend. There’s this guy they want for the lead in the movie who I think just fucking sucks and he can only come in Saturday morning because he just landed something that’s shooting in New Zealand or some shit and he has to be there Monday. And if I’m not there to protest, it’ll be him and the whole movie’ll be fucked. So, I’ll be out there but this party might be too cheesy, even for me. Anyway, FSG! Susan! We should go celebrate.
OLIVIA
I’m not sure I feel like it now.
ETHAN
No, come on. Let’s go out. We can go to that bar I was telling you about. You can meet some of my friends.
OLIVIA
I’m not up for that tonight.
ETHAN
Why?
OLIVIA
I don’t want go to some hipster bar with your friends. I’ll feel … uncool.
ETHAN
OK. I’ll tell them to meet us at the Olive Garden.
OLIVIA
Shut up.
ETHAN
And they’re not all my age anyway. Ahmit for one.
OLIVIA
Did you tell him about us?
ETHAN
Yeah. I didn’t think you’d care.
OLIVIA
No. I don’t. But I’m not going out for a drink with you and Ahmit.
ETHAN
OK. Then, just me. Let’s go to dinner. Somewhere really good.
OLIVIA
Somewhere really good?
ETHAN
Yeah. Wherever you want.
OLIVIA
OK. I want to go to that place where all the food is in test tubes or cubes that taste like a full course meal.
ETHAN
That’s Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.
OLIVIA
No, you know what I mean—the crazy science food. Do you know what place I’m talking about?
ETHAN
I do.
OLIVIA
I think it’s really expensive.
ETHAN
It is.
OLIVIA
Good! Let’s go! I just have to change my shoes.
ETHAN picks up the book he was reading off the coffee table.
ETHAN
I’m going to borrow this one.
OLIVIA
All right.
OLIVIA goes into the bedroom.
ETHAN
You know what else I looked at?
OLIVIA (O.S.)
Snoop!
ETHAN
Besides your awesome vinyl collection …
OLIVIA (O.S.)
That was my dad’s. He had very good taste.
ETHAN
I looked at some of your old photo albums.
OLIVIA (O.S.)
You didn’t!
ETHAN
I did.
OLIVIA returns carrying a different pair of shoes.
OLIVIA
That is incredibly unfair. One should be allowed to defend bad hairstyles of the past in person.
ETHAN
They weren’t that bad, actually.
OLIVIA (Yes, they were.)
OK.
ETHAN
My mom has a bunch of picture albums from when I was a kid, but I don’t have anything I can look through like that. I have it all on my computer.
OLIVIA
This is what I’m talking about. Soon, we won’t have any of those objects anymore—no books, no photo albums, no records, tapes, even CDs—which were pretty soul-less and awful—but now I feel nostalgic even about them. There’ll be nothing to hold on to, put on a shelf. Nothing that lives with you in the world. We’ll all live in empty white rooms, save for a couple of shiny silver rectangles that will hold our whole lives.
ETHAN
You make it sound so depressing.
OLIVIA
No, it’s just … there are costs to all of this, you know? Things are lost. Things that were better.
ETHAN’s phone buzzes. He looks to it.
(Touching her ears.)
Oh. Earrings. Be right there.
OLIVIA exits to the bedroom. ETHAN waits until she is gone.
ETHAN
(Taking moment, steeling himself for the call.)
OK.
(Answering phone, in full Ethan Strange mode.)
Dude! You fucking freak! Yeah, well, I’m a fucking personality! Did she? Well, you’d better shut her up. I don’t know. Give her the D. Let her choke on that …
(Laughing.)
Yeah, I just got the offer, but Dude, I can’t. Seriously.
OLIVIA reenters, unseen by ETHAN. She listens.
ETHAN (Into phone.)
No, I have too much going on. I know, Dude, Vegas! It was just last year, man. Of course, I remember. Sort of. Yes, they were dirty, filthy, nasty little sluts, weren’t they? Her name? There’s only one thing I remember about her, Brah, and I will tell you, it’s not her name. Or her face! I know, man, what a fucking night! Yeah. All right, we can talk about it but, right now, I gotta go.
OLIVIA goes back into the bedroom, still unseen by ETHAN, missing the rest of the conversation.
ETHAN (Into phone.)
Yes. That is why, you dirty fucking dog. No man, not her. That whore’s in LA. And tapping that was a total lapse of good judgment. You know it! All right, hit me later.
ETHAN hangs up, gathers himself. OLIVIA enters. He sees her.
ETHAN (Back to himself.)
Ready to go, baby?
OLIVIA
Uh … yeah. Yeah
They move to the door. Lights.
A week later. OLIVIA, still in her coat, sits at her computer. An open suitcase sits on the floor. The buzzer sounds. She opens the door and goes back to her computer. After a moment, ETHAN enters.
ETHAN
Hi.
OLIVIA
Hi.
ETHAN
It is really good to see you.
OLIVIA
You, too.
OLIVIA goes to him. They kiss. She goes back to her computer.
ETHAN
Are you ready?
OLIVIA
Almost.
ETHAN
I thought you said seven.
OLIVIA
I did. Sorry. Traffic from the airport was awful and I just need a couple of minutes.
ETHAN (Grumbly.)
OK.
ETHAN looks over OLIVIA’s books.
OLIVIA (Changing the subject.)
So, what happened with the actor for your movie?
ETHAN
They’re going with him.
OLIVIA
I’m sorry.
ETHAN
It’s OK. It’s hard not to take it personally, though. “Uh, yeah … does the guy playing me have to be the biggest douchebag we saw?” “But, Ethan, man, he’s just like you!” He’s supposedly a massive draw with the demographic and blah, blah, fucking, blah.
(After a moment.)
It’s becoming clear to me that what they like is the concept, not my actual writing. And every suggestion they make keeps dumbing it down.
OLIVIA
But don’t you have “sign off” or whatever it’s called?
ETHAN
I’m supposed to but I’ve heard how these things go. I mean, I understand how they could see the idea as lowest common denominator, but the point is that I elevated it, right? The book is funny and smart and really well written, but the way things are turning out, the movie’s gonna be stupid and cheap.
OLIVIA (With good humor.)
Maybe you’ll feel better if you go have a cry into your big bag of money.
ETHAN
Maybe I will! I’m sure it’ll be fine. But … they’re really starting to treat me like I’m some kind of fucking novelty act.
OLIVIA
I’m sorry.
ETHAN
I wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t taking up all my time. I so want to be working on my app. We’re supposed to launch in a week. But, right now, I really need a drink. Come on.
OLIVIA
One sec. I really have to respond to this.
ETHAN
What’s so urgent? It is about the deal?
OLIVIA
Uh … yeah.
ETHAN
So, what? What did they say? Did FSG come in with the bid?
OLIVIA
Yes.
ETHAN
They did?
OLIVIA
They did
ETHAN
I thought Susan was crazy to ask for that much. But they went for it?
OLIVIA
Yes.
ETHAN (Almost to himself.)
FSG. Fuck
(Attention back to OLIVIA.)
You don’t see that excited.
OLIVIA
No. I am. There’s still a lot to figure out—you know, some of the terms …
ETHAN
But it’s moving ahead?
OLIVIA
Yes. It is.
ETHAN
Well. Congratulations
OLIVIA
Thank you.
ETHAN (Almost to himself.)
Fuck. Well … don’t forget us philistines.
ETHAN looks to OLIVIA’s bookshelves.
Just think … in what? Eight months? You’ll be on the shelf next to all your heroes. It’s exactly what you wanted.
OLIVIA
…
ETHAN
What?
OLIVIA (Slowly.)
The deal.
ETHAN
Yeah?
OLIVIA
I’m …
(After a moment.)
I’m not exactly going to be on the shelf.
ETHAN
Why not?
OLIVIA
They’re starting a new division. Exclusively ebooks.
ETHAN
No.
OLIVIA
Yes. They want my book to launch it
ETHAN
They’re only going to do it as an ebook?
OLIVIA
Yes.
ETHAN
Then why are you doing that?
OLIVIA
It’s FSG. They have big plans about / / how they’re going to—
ETHAN
If they want it this badly, demand print. They are still a huge force in / / the industry—
OLIVIA
We tried but they wouldn’t go for it. The deal was contingent / / on us agreeing—
ETHAN
So, fuck them. You don’t really care about the profile and the money, so put it / / out with a less—
OLIVIA
You think I don’t care about the profile and the money?
ETHAN
You don’t. So put it out with someone who will give you the actual book you said you want.
OLIVIA
Ethan, I have thought about this so much. I just can’t let this incredible opportunity go by.
ETHAN
But if you don’t care about the physical book, you don’t need FSG. I’ll put it out! There’s no reason, now, I shouldn’t.
OLIVIA
Listen, Ethan, when this deal goes through, I’ll be able to write full time for a couple of years. After so long thinking I’d blown my only chance, you can’t imagine what this is like / / for me.
ETHAN
You will make as much money with me. I promise you.
OLIVIA
You can’t really promise that.
ETHAN
Look, the launch is going to be huge. But, having you walk away from FSG and go with me? It would send a real signal. Of how serious what I’m doing is. It would be big.
OLIVIA
Ethan….
ETHAN
Do this. For me.
OLIVIA
Don’t ask me that.
ETHAN
Have I asked you for anything?
OLIVIA
What do you mean?
ETHAN
For what I’ve done for you.
OLIVIA
Uh, no …?
ETHAN
So, do this for me.
OLIVIA
Why? Because I … owe you?
ETHAN
I’m just saying I was willing to do this before anyone else was in the picture.
OLIVIA
You’re saying I owe you.
ETHAN
Well, don’t you? Not in a bad way. And it’s not like you’ll be taking the hit in terms of money / / seriously, the—
OLIVIA
It’s not only about the money. The more important thing, the most important thing, is the association—to be associated with those FSG writers.
ETHAN
As opposed to being associated with me.
OLIVIA
I’m not saying that.
ETHAN
You are. You don’t want to be associated with me.
OLIVIA
No, I don’t want to be associated with Ethan Strange. Come on. It’s not like you think your book is a masterpiece.
ETHAN
No, but what I’m working on— / / what I’m doing—
OLIVIA
Look, Ethan, I appreciate that you’re trying to do something else, but, at this point, what you’ve put out into the world is mostly …
ETHAN
What?
OLIVIA
…
ETHAN
What? Shit—?
OLIVIA
No.
ETHAN (Pushing her.)
What?!
OLIVIA
Irrelevant.
ETHAN
I can’t believe you just said that to me.
OLIVIA
I’m sorry. Your know / / what I—
ETHAN
Fuck you.
OLIVIA
Don’t do that—
ETHAN
No. Seriously, fuck you.
ETHAN exits.
OLIVIA
Ethan, don’t—! You know what I’m saying!
(To herself.)
Goddamnit!
Lights.
Early the next morning. OLIVIA, still wearing some version of her outfit from the night before, is asleep the couch.
Her buzzer sounds. She wakes up but ignores it. It buzzes again. And again. And then, it doesn’t stop.
OLIVIA
Asshole!
OLIVIA presses the buzzer, waits for a second, then quickly fixes her hair. ETHAN enters.
ETHAN (Very agitated.)
I know it’s early. I did call. A thousand times. Your phone was off.
OLIVIA
It was on for a couple of hours. But, when I didn’t hear from you, I turned everything off and went to sleep.
ETHAN
I’m sorry. But you said a lot of really awful shit to me last night. And I was really fucking mad. And I … I just have to talk to you right now.
OLIVIA
OK.
ETHAN
I, uh … something happened.
OLIVIA
Oh, Ethan.
ETHAN
I, uh, I / / went—
OLIVIA
Please don’t. I really don’t want to hear it.
ETHAN
Just let me / / tell you—
OLIVIA
It’s not like it hasn’t crossed my mind—that it might not have already happened—what with all the pictures that keep surfacing. What I didn’t expect is that it would only take one bad fight / / for you to—
ETHAN
What are you even talking about? I’m trying to / / tell you—
OLIVIA
Just this last trip to LA, the picture of that girl—
ETHAN
Wait—what do you think I did? You think I left here and hooked up with / / some girl—
OLIVIA
Isn’t that what you’re / / telling me?
ETHAN
You really trust me so little / / that you think—
OLIVIA
How can I trust you when every week there are these pictures of you / / with these other girls—!
ETHAN
What? Are you searching for these pictures?
OLIVIA
Sometimes.
ETHAN
Why?
OLIVIA
I don’t know. Because I can, I guess.
ETHAN
Well, stop. Those pictures are old!
OLIVIA
Not the one last week. That girl hanging / / all over you—
ETHAN
That was a stupid publicity / / thing! She—
OLIVIA
Her tongue was in your mouth—
ETHAN
She grabbed me, kissed me, and the picture got taken.
OLIVIA (Unsure.)
OK …
ETHAN
It was two seconds of a stupid drunken kiss by some fat, dumb-ass, loser slut!
OLIVIA
Shut up! You don’t know that girl. You don’t know anything about that girl!
ETHAN
Why are we still talking about these girls?! They post these stupid pictures that mean nothing. They’re writing about me, making up bullshit about me, using me to get attention for themselves. That’s all it is.
OLIVIA (Sharply.)
I’ve heard you, Ethan. On the phone. Talking with your manager. Your “Dudes.” You sound exactly like how “these girls” describe you. Exactly like the guy in your books. It’s not just pictures you can explain away.
ETHAN
When?
OLIVIA
What?
ETHAN
When have you heard me? On the phone? Talking to my manager?
OLIVIA
I don’t know.
ETHAN
I try and keep all of that bullshit away from you. So, unless you were listening in on my / / conversations, which is—?
OLIVIA
Why do you do that? Unless you have something to hide?
ETHAN
For exactly this reason. I don’t want you thinking—I told you, it’s a character I’m playing.
OLIVIA
That is who you are, one on one, in private conversations. How can you tell me that’s not you? How can I trust who you are right now?
ETHAN
Because Ethan Strange is over!
OLIVIA
He’s not.
ETHAN
OK. Yeah. Another year or so. The movie’ll get made, all the bullshit that goes with it. But quickly followed by the fast and final end of Ethan Strange. Until then? Yeah, you know … fuck. It is what it is. And, really, what’s the harm?
OLIVIA
What’s the harm? You’re going to take all you say about women, how you treat women—
ETHAN
—not me!—
OLIVIA
And turn it into a movie. A movie that’s basically a how-to for young men on how to treat women like garbage.
ETHAN
It’s just a movie!
OLIVIA
It’s all so fucking awful, Ethan!
ETHAN
It’s fucking entertainment!
OLIVIA
To who? Not to me. It’s not funny. It’s / / actually—
ETHAN
I’m sorry, but a couple million people would disagree / / with you.
OLIVIA
It’s dangerous. It is.
ETHAN
I’m sorry if you’re too old or too uptight to get it.
OLIVIA
And there it is.
ETHAN
You know, it’s funny how all of it was fine with you as long as Ethan Strange was getting you an agent, getting you the exposure you wanted—
OLIVIA
That is an outrageous / / thing to say—
ETHAN
You’ve known about the movie for months. Why the problem with it now? The truth is you’ve fucking hated me ever since you read my book. So, why have you stayed?
OLIVIA
Because! Because I thought you were this totally remarkable / / person who—
ETHAN
At least I was honest about it. I told you from the first night what I did. But you, with your weak and helpless act, happy in your obscurity bullshit—
OLIVIA
What?! I never pretended to be anything but / / what I am—
ETHAN
Covering this huge, raging ambition—
OLIVIA
Why am I not allowed to be ambitious?!
ETHAN
Why have you stayed? You hate me so much—
OLIVIA
I don’t hate you! I stayed because—I actually—
ETHAN
You wanted to make sure you got your book deal.
OLIVIA
No.
ETHAN
You made sure it was all worked out. You accepted their offer last night, didn’t you?
OLIVIA
Yes. / / But—
ETHAN
Turns out, you’re just like all the rest of those girls, ready and willing to fuck me to get what you want: some money and attention and … The deal is done and here we are. How convenient is that?
OLIVIA
I didn’t go with your app like you wanted and here we are. How convenient is that?
ETHAN
Fuck! I came here to tell you … my app launched last night … with the exclusive release of E. S. Thorn’s new book.
OLIVIA
No. You … you didn’t. You couldn’t have!
ETHAN
I was going to show you what I could do. How much business I could generate / / for you—
OLIVIA
But that’s crazy! What did you think / / I would—
ETHAN
I knew it was stupid right after it went up. I took your book off right away.
OLIVIA
Did anyone get it?
ETHAN
A couple.
OLIVIA
So it’s out there now?
ETHAN
Yeah.
OLIVIA
This could compromise everything—with FSG! With Susan! Everything!
ETHAN
I did it before I could even think about it. The things you said to me were so—but I’m sorry. I am. I’m so sorry, Olivia. If there’s anything I can do—
OLIVIA
Make this not be happening! Put the genie back in the bottle!
ETHAN
I’m sorry.
OLIVIA
How did you have it? I never gave you a copy. You stole it from me?!
ETHAN
I didn’t take it to—I wanted to have it. But only for me.
OLIVIA
When did you take it?
ETHAN
Does it matter?
OLIVIA
When!
ETHAN
In Michigan. When I copied the first one. But, really, I just wanted to have it for me. Just for me.
OLIVIA
I need you to go.
ETHAN
I never would have …
OLIVIA
Get out. Now.
ETHAN (Walking to the door.)
I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted to be the one to tell you.
OLIVIA
In my heart, I really didn’t think you were that guy. At least not anymore. I am so incredibly stupid.
ETHAN walks out the door, but doesn’t close it behind him. OLIVIA stands stunned. After a moment, ETHAN returns.
ETHAN
What did you really think of my writing? Not the stories, but my actual writing.
OLIVIA
Honestly?
ETHAN
Yeah.
OLIVIA (Strongly.)
I thought it was … fine.
ETHAN
Yeah.
Lights.
A year and a half later. Summer. Evening. OLIVIA enters her apartment.
The apartment has a few improvements and a dry cleaning bag with a couple men’s shirts hang on the door to the bedroom. ETHAN walks in behind OLIVIA.
ETHAN
I buzzed, but when you weren’t here—
OLIVIA
How long were you waiting?
ETHAN
Not that long.
OLIVIA
Why didn’t you just call?
ETHAN
I was in the neighborhood.
OLIVIA
I didn’t know you were in town. The Twitterverse usually announces your visits.
ETHAN
I came back to find an apartment.
OLIVIA
You’re moving back?
ETHAN
Yeah. I thought about New York. But I just want to come home. LA sucked.
OLIVIA
The movie did all right.
ETHAN
All right enough to not be a liability, I hope. But not all right in any other way, really.
OLIVIA
I didn’t see it.
ETHAN
I’m glad you didn’t.
OLIVIA
That bad?
ETHAN
Worse than you can imagine, I think.
(A beat.)
You look great.
OLIVIA
Thanks. You, too. I had the big birthday.
ETHAN
Yeah, I know. I almost sent you something.
OLIVIA
You did?
ETHAN
Yeah, but, thought it would be weird.
OLIVIA
I kept waiting for you to write something about me. But you never did.
ETHAN
No. I figured I owed you that.
OLIVIA
Yeah.
ETHAN (After a moment.)
So, you’re doing great. Your book’s done so well.
OLIVIA
It’s no Sex with Strangers but yeah. It also just got optioned for a movie, if you can believe it.
ETHAN
Really? That’s great.
OLIVIA
Some twenty-two-year-old starlet’s company. They’ll probably never make it … (OLIVIA’s phone chimes. She checks the text.) But still …
ETHAN
I’m so relieved that it all turned out all right.
OLIVIA
I bet. I kept thinking that if it didn’t happen like it did—all the press about it, all the details of you and me, me being E. S. Thorn—it was exactly what I didn’t want to happen, attention for all the wrong reasons. It was awful.
ETHAN
Yeah.
OLIVIA
But it really did help sell the book. It helped a lot.
ETHAN
It did.
OLIVIA
I’ve often wondered if that’s why you did it—you knew the shit-storm from the scandal would do more for me than anything the marketing department at FSG could.
ETHAN
Thanks for thinking that.
OLIVIA
It made me hate you less. Sometimes.
ETHAN
I’m glad. And thanks for not suing me.
OLIVIA
My lawyer will never get over it. But I figured I owed you that.
ETHAN
I don’t know that you did.
OLIVIA (After a moment.)
I got the copy you made for me.
ETHAN
I didn’t make / / you a copy—
OLIVIA
Susan told me it was you.
ETHAN
Oh. She wasn’t supposed to.
OLIVIA
She hates you, too, you know.
ETHAN
Oh, I know. I lost Susan, you and most of the writers for my app—all in a week. It was brutal.
OLIVIA
Yeah.
(After a moment.)
But, you were right.
ETHAN
Yeah?
OLIVIA
I was really sad I couldn’t hold my book in my hands, couldn’t put it on a shelf. I’m happy to have it.
ETHAN
I’m glad.
(After a moment.)
Ahmit said you’re getting married.
OLIVIA
Oh, uh, no. He just moved in. He’s a good guy, a teacher, too. He’s great. And we’re talking about it, getting married …
ETHAN
That’s great.
OLIVIA
Soon, probably. We want to have a kid and time is … you know.
ETHAN
You never told me that.
OLIVIA
Why would I? So you could run away screaming? I knew that wasn’t anything you were interested in.
ETHAN (Flatly, his meaning unclear.)
Right.
ETHAN picks up an open FedEx envelope off the coffee table. From it, he removes a manuscript.
So, you got it.
OLIVIA
Yeah. I did.
ETHAN (After a moment.)
So … what do you think?
OLIVIA
It just got here a couple of days ago.
ETHAN
You didn’t read it?
OLIVIA (Slowly.)
No. I did.
ETHAN
And …?
OLIVIA (Slowly, getting emotional.)
And. I think … I think it’s really quite … brilliant.
ETHAN
You do?
OLIVIA
I do. It’s poetic and haunting and … very moving.
ETHAN
You sound a little shocked.
OLIVIA
I am.
ETHAN (A knife in the ribs.)
Oh.
OLIVIA (Slowly, still emotional)
I’m sorry, but … I didn’t know you could do … that.
ETHAN (After a moment.)
I haven’t even given it to my new agent yet. It’s so different from my other book, obviously. I’m thinking I’ll put it out under a different name.
OLIVIA
Yeah?
ETHAN
I can’t put it out as Ethan Strange because those readers will buy it and hate it and hate me for writing it. And the people who would like it won’t buy it with that name on it …
OLIVIA
Any ideas?
ETHAN
Not yet. I’ve googled about a thousand names, but nothing I like comes back without all kinds of stuff attached.
OLIVIA
How about Cat Lunt?
ETHAN (Smiling.)
I bet that’s available. I’m thinking I’ll just go with plain old Ethan Kane.
(After a moment)
If I didn’t meet you. Know you. I wouldn’t have been able to. To write it.
OLIVIA
Well, I’m glad you finally did.
ETHAN (After a moment.)
How much of it, of our being together, was just about me do you think? Not what I made happen but just about … me?
OLIVIA
I don’t know.
ETHAN
Wow.
OLIVIA
No. A lot. A lot of it.
(After a moment.)
How much of it was just about me?
ETHAN
A lot.
OLIVIA
Yeah.
ETHAN (After a moment.)
Come out to dinner with me.
OLIVIA
No. I can’t.
ETHAN
No funny business, I promise.
OLIVIA
Really, I can’t.
ETHAN
Just a drink, then.
OLIVIA
Why?
ETHAN
I don’t know.
(A beat.)
It just seems so unfair.
OLIVIA
What?
ETHAN
Your book made me love you. My book made you hate me.
OLIVIA
That’s not …
ETHAN
I know.
(A beat.)
If only we could have met like two regular strangers. Sit at a bar. Talk. Get to know each other.
OLIVIA
It’s too late. It’s so too late.
ETHAN
But what if we’re actually supposed to be together?
OLIVIA
What does that mean?
ETHAN
I don’t know.
ETHAN slowly moves in on her.
OLIVIA
Ethan …
He kisses her. She kisses him back, then stops herself.
You should go.
He walks to the door.
ETHAN
That bar on the corner, I’m just going to go sit there, have a couple of drinks. So, if you want, I’ll be there.
OLIVIA (With finality.)
It was good to see you, Ethan.
ETHAN
Yeah. You, too.
ETHAN exits, leaving the door open. OLIVIA looks after him.
OLIVIA (Upset, indecisive.)
Who are you?
She grabs her bag and walks toward the door, stopping in the doorway. She turns around and steps back into her apartment. She turns again and steps back into the doorway looking after ETHAN.
Lights.
END OF PLAY