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During my quest to explore my drinking, I came across the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, which was based on a 30-day experiment that Annie had designed to help readers understand the effects of alcohol and to question their own relationships with it. What did I have to lose? I bought myself a copy and after the first chapter was hooked (I’ve discovered that I have a strange habit of getting hooked on things, so I’m now mindful about what I get myself into). If you haven’t read This Naked Mind, I recommend doing so; the term ‘game-changer’ was an understatement for me. I have so much to thank Annie for; her work has helped to change the lives of thousands of people (including my own) and she’s been at the forefront of the sober revolution with her non-judgmental and practical approach to changing the way people view alcohol.
I read the book twice in a row and then started watching videos about sobriety, joining online sober groups, and learning everything I could about living a life without alcohol. I found this new sober world fascinating and exciting. However, even though I was on the right track, success didn’t come straight away – nor was I expecting it to. It took quite a bit of hard work, but I firmly believed that I would get out what I put in. It was obvious to me that I needed to keep educating myself and working on my beliefs; in fact, I approached it like I was studying for the most important exam of my life. Each day would find me making notes and voice recordings, and even starting to blog about my journey on my website. These activities helped me to express my thoughts and feelings in a structured way, and an unexpected benefit of my blog is that I can now look back on what I have learned, comparing notes with what I know now.
After two months of daily reading, watching videos, and journaling about sobriety, I could feel a slow change starting to emerge. It was as if my mind no longer wanted me to drink as a default activity, and there was a new pathway forming. Somehow, I knew there would be something incredible waiting for me at the end of it. Of course, there were odd days when I started to feel bored of reading about sobriety, but I wanted to learn about it so badly that I pushed through.
Then one day I realised I was experiencing a mindset shift from ‘I can’t have a drink’ to ‘I don’t want one’. This felt incredibly liberating. My beliefs about alcohol were changing: drinking started to become unimportant and I didn’t want booze around me any longer. I found myself in a place of complete freedom and peace. Even then, the transformation wasn’t without its hiccups – there were a few false starts and a couple of teary meltdowns. But I managed to put myself on the path to sobriety, which felt so exciting.
The very first day I put the bottle down, I took a selfie and after a few weeks, took another to compare them. The difference in my face, skin, and eyes was incredible! The dark shadows had disappeared, I was no longer bloated, and my skin was positively glowing. This spurred me on, because I figured if this much had changed on the outside in such a short space of time, imagine what was going on inside.
As time went by, the dark clouds of anxiety that had hung over me for years started to fade and I could see the sun starting to shine through. I even questioned what was going on, as I hadn’t felt this good in years. After all, I’d only quit drinking because I didn’t want to die before the age of 50 – I’d never expected to experience a whole new lease of life on top. And guess what? The anxiety has never returned. It felt like a toxic relationship had come to an end, one that should have finished years ago. Now I could see how much better my life was without the constant cycle of drinking and its associated behaviours and side effects, there was no way I was going to return to my old ways. It was over.
At the same time as starting the Be Sober blog, I decided to launch a Facebook group for other people who wanted to explore their relationship with alcohol. I’d already participated in several of these, but I specifically wanted to create something with a friendly and personal feel where members could reach out for support and know that they had a trusting and caring community around them. I also felt quite lonely on my journey, so when people started asking to join the group it showed me there were thousands of others in the same boat.
My Facebook group is now one of the largest online sober communities in the world, with thousands of members supporting each other while working to change their relationship with alcohol. If you’d like to join the group you’d be welcomed with open arms; just visit www.besober.co.uk for the link or search ‘Be Sober’ on Facebook. I love reading the posts and comments from the group members, because they’re so inspirational and heart-warming. Later in the book, I’ll share some of my favourites, to add a real-world perspective to the challenges that arise in sobriety.
As my blog started to grow, I thought it would be great to ask Annie Grace for an interview; after all, it was her book that had changed my life. To my amazement, she agreed and the conversation was great fun even if I was a little starstruck (you can watch it on the Be Sober website). After the interview, Annie asked me if I’d thought about becoming an alcohol coach, and would I be interested in joining her team at This Naked Mind, her sober coaching business. I’d made one change in my life by cutting out alcohol, and now more doors were opening for me on the back of it! After I’d pinched myself, to check it wasn’t a dream, I agreed, and before long I was on a plane to America to start training as a coach with Annie and her team.
I’ve now become a Senior Coach at This Naked Mind, I’ve talked at the This Naked Mind Live event in Denver, Colorado, and I even help train new coaches. Through this I’ve helped thousands of people to change the way they think about drinking and to quit for good, enabling them to become truly free from the grip of alcohol.
The journey to sobriety can seem scary and confusing and you might be worried about which direction to take and what strategies to use. I wrote this book by drawing on my own experiences to help you as you go forward. It’s like a map and compass to ensure you find your way to alcohol freedom without getting lost or ending back at the start. In fact, one of the resources I wish I’d had back then was a book that advised me on the specific problems and challenges I faced after I made the decision to give up the drink; those meltdowns would have been a lot easier to deal with if I’d known what they were caused by, and what to do about them. There are plenty of books that help you get off the booze as a first step, but I couldn’t find any that would set me up and hold my hand for the challenges I faced in the months, years and lifetime ahead.
But enough about me – let’s get started.