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I’ve often thought that the hardest part of quitting drinking is the period during which you’re aware you have a problem but are unsure as to how you’re going to solve it. This ‘pain point’ is fairly early in the journey and you can feel like you’re trapped. Until you have a clear idea of how to make a change, it may seem as if half of you wants to quit and the other half wants to keep drinking to numb the thoughts, ease the pain, and blot everything out.
So even though in my drinking days, I was miserable, full of anxiety, unfulfilled, and suffering from many of the physical effects you would expect of a heavy drinker, I found that the more I wanted to stop, the more I drank. It was so frustrating because I couldn’t see how to give it up. I even started buying wine boxes because it saved getting two or three bottles, and also meant that nobody could see how much I’d consumed.
I had created a prison for myself and couldn’t see how to escape. But I eventually learned that I’d had the key to the lock all along and it was fairly simple to step forward, turn it, and break out of there.
So what was the key?
It was becoming curious, which led to a change in my mindset about alcohol. The book This Naked Mind and the free accompanying online programme, The Alcohol Experiment, enabled me to undo my beliefs and change my thinking. This programme is a free, interactive 30-day experiment with video tutorials, online journaling, and a structured approach to exploring your beliefs about alcohol and how you want it to feature in your life. Once you’ve read this book, if you still feel you need to make a change, then Annie’s book and programme are great places to head to next.
It took me many years to commit to stopping drinking, even though the voices telling me to do so had been banging on in my head for so long. Of course, I wish I’d made the change 10 years ago, but I don’t dwell on what might have been. I’ve accomplished it now and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I like to look forward, not back.
The good news is that once you commit to making a change and come up with a strategy, everything gets much easier. This approach is the key to changing your mindset: be open-minded and curious. Just because you believe that, ‘I can’t go to a party without drinking, it won’t be fun,’ doesn’t mean it’s true. Try to get used to exploring your thoughts and feelings instead of just accepting them. Start to become inquisitive, be an internal detective, and pause for a moment when uncomfortable thoughts and feelings come to mind. Interrogate them – write them down and dig deep.
I want you to start looking at your beliefs around alcohol and challenging them, because I bet most of them are wrong. As a starting point, think of five types of events or situations which you believe are improved by alcohol, then make a second list detailing why and how they could be better without alcohol involved. Here are some examples of beliefs that people have posted in my Facebook group. By examining them and getting to the absolute truth of each statement, it’s possible to unlock a ‘new truth’ that’s more positive and powerful. I’ll go into beliefs in more detail in a couple of chapters, but for now, I’d like you to consider these examples.
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Current belief:
I can never say no to people when they want to go out drinking after work. I just get taken advantage of and say yes to boozing all the time.
Statement that’s true after exploring the evidence around the original belief:
I have the power to say no if I choose to do so, and I plan to start being more mindful about what I say yes to.
Current belief:
I fail at everything I do – I doubt I can do this.
Statement that’s true after exploring the evidence around the original belief:
If I don’t try, I won’t ever know. I’ll approach this with an open mind and a sense of curiosity.
Current belief:
All my friends drink, so they probably won’t want to know me if I quit alcohol.
Statement that’s true after exploring the evidence around the original belief:
My true friends will be supportive and will look out for me.
Current belief:
I always have a drink in the evenings in front of the TV, so now what?
Statement that’s true after exploring the evidence around the original belief:
There are hundreds of amazing, zero-alcohol drinks that could fill the void and I’m looking forward to trying them all.
Current belief:
I’m scared about telling people I’ve quit drinking.
Statement that’s true after exploring the evidence around the original belief:
I’m going to make a plan for how and when I tell people. It might even be fun, and some could become inspired by what I’m doing.
Think about which version you prefer and whether the ‘new truth’ could be true for you, because understanding the importance of beliefs is the key to the door you’re looking for. We’ll explore them in more depth shortly.