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‘When I’m stressed I can’t resist a drink because it takes the edge off.’
I’m writing this chapter at Rome airport on my way home to London following a fantastic trip with my teenage daughter. We had an amazing week staying in a beautiful loft apartment overlooking the Colosseum, and it was so nice to spend quality time together. My daughter also had the chance to try out her broken Italian language skills on anyone who would listen, which provided me with constant amusement.
I hate airports at the best of times. This one is busy and crowded, and I have beads of sweat on my forehead. I tried hard not to be snappy with my daughter as we wound our way through passport control and security, enduring all the indignities they bring with them – can I have my shoes and belt back, please! After what seemed like an eternity on some uncomfortable plastic seats in an overpriced coffee shop, our call to board was announced and we headed thankfully towards our departure gate to join the queue.
Everything was going well until we settled into our seats on the plane, only to be informed that there was a technical problem. My heart sank and I felt a knot in my stomach. I always try and see the positive in any situation, but I knew we wouldn’t be leaving soon. After a long period of wondering what was happening, we were finally told there would be a six-hour delay until a part for the plane could be delivered from Naples in a taxi. What a dismal end to an otherwise perfect week in Italy. I couldn’t understand why a huge international airport wouldn’t have the aircraft parts they might need closer to hand, and had visions of a taxi driver with a spare engine in the passenger seat and a wing hanging out of the car window, slowly snaking his way through the endless miles of Italian traffic. In the meantime, we were stuck.
After we disembarked the plane, I decided our best bet was to get away from the busy terminal and use the VIP lounge as it would be more comfortable and have better facilities. So my daughter and I headed off and paid the extortionate fee. That brings me to the present moment, laptop open, writing about my experience. I’m feeling stressed out at this point because I just want to get home. I can feel the tension rising and I’m becoming increasingly snappy with my daughter even though she hasn’t done anything wrong. Despite the fact that my anxiety has become much better since I quit drinking, it still sometimes seems like it lurks beneath the surface. One drink would bring it bursting back into my life.
The lounge is comfortable with plenty of empty seats, free Wi-Fi, and a huge buffet with all types of food. I guess if we’re going to be stuck in the airport for hours then this is the best place we could be, but that doesn’t make me any less stressed. Then I remember that airport lounges are renowned for limitless free drinks! I hadn’t thought of this when I decided to go inside, so now this is another challenge to deal with.
There it is, right in front of me – I’m looking at it now as I write this. The free bar, with nobody waiting and a bored barman ready to serve people. A huge range of wine, beer, and spirits just a few metres away from the sofa I’ve sprawled myself across; it would be so easy to get a drink as a ‘solution’ to my anxiety. Why put a free bar right next to a stressed out ex-enthusiastic wine drinker with six hours to spare? I sometimes wonder if it would be a good idea for me to have a tattoo on my head that says, ‘Don’t serve me a drink, even if I want one.’ That would solve the issue once and for all. I decide against a swift trip to the tattoo parlour, choosing instead to stay where I am and to set up my daughter on her laptop.
Interestingly, when I turn to look at my daughter, I’m surprised to see that she's not stressed at all. She has her laptop out and is using the time to work on her Japanese studies. She’s mad about all things Asian and taught herself to speak Japanese at the age of 12. If anything, she seems to see the delay as an opportunity to focus on what she enjoys. Why can’t I think like that?
But – and here’s the thing – do I feel tempted by that bar? No, and that’s the truth. Okay, maybe for the briefest of moments I think a glass of wine would take the edge off of my stress, but I can see that thought for what it is and allow it to pass by. I close my eyes for a few moments and visualise myself four or five hours after I would have downed a bottle (or more) of red wine. I’d be feeling drunk, tired, irritable, and argumentative... and still delayed. It wouldn’t be a pretty picture. I know that alcohol won’t help and that, sometimes, I simply have to face up to the difficult situations life throws my way.
The truth about alcohol and stress
I can tell you for a fact that it’s far easier to manage stress without the false armour of alcohol. Although the flight delay doesn’t feel unimportant, I’m still handling it better without a drink because I’m far more present and calm than I would have been with a bottle of wine sloshing around inside me. Life will always serve up challenges, but without alcohol running the show, we feel better equipped to deal with even the worst that the world can throw at us.
There are many situations that can cause stress and make you think a drink would be the perfect solution, so it’s worth being prepared and having a set of go-to thoughts in case of an emergency. Here are five techniques you could use when you encounter a challenging situation.
1. Detach yourself. Try and find something to take you away from the situation you’re in, either internally or externally. For example, I’m writing this chapter to take my mind off the flight delay, but reading or listening to music could work equally well. Meditation is another way to escape the internal turmoil, and there are some amazing apps you should check out – Calm and Headspace are my personal favourites. If you can physically leave the situation and find some space, all the better.
2. Turn the frown upside down. When you become stressed, it’s easy to be irritable and unreasonable. Try to be aware of doing this and catch yourself in the moment. Then pause, step back from the situation, and make a conscious effort to be positive and happy. It makes a real difference to how you feel and will serve to keep you relaxed. If you’re a serial stress-head, consider wearing a rubber band around your wrist and twanging it on your skin when you catch yourself becoming moody or grumpy. After a few whacks from the rubber band, you’ll soon train yourself to snap out of it and to relax and smile instead.
3. Don’t drink alcohol. Okay, this one is really obvious, but you need to keep up your guard. Just reach for the coffee, juice, or alcohol-free drinks instead. You don’t want or need alcohol in your life and it certainly won’t eliminate the feelings of stress. You may find it blots them out for an hour as you feel the initial euphoria created by the hit of endorphins (the feel-good pleasure chemical produced by our brains when we drink), leading you to drink more in a fruitless attempt to recapture that feeling. Then the stress returns, because it never really went away in the first place. Now as well as feeling anxious you also have an unclear mind, and this is the classic recipe for creating unstable emotions which play havoc with your behaviour. Alcohol takes away a lot more than it gives, and using it to blot out stress is a classic example of this because you never actually deal with the issue – it’s always waiting for you once you sober up.
4. Remember it will pass. As with everything, it will come to an end. Almost every stressful situation will pass by at some point (even a long flight delay), so trusting that you’ll find yourself on the other side of it is key. Visualise yourself there right now, in peace. In the airport, I imagine myself walking through the front door at home and hugging my wife.
5. Take exercise. This one isn’t possible in my situation as I’m stuck at a crowded airport, but a great way of dealing with stressful situations is to pull yourself off the couch and exercise. A session at the gym, a cycle, a run, or a brisk walk will almost always lift your mood and melt away the stressful feelings. It works.
I’m writing the last part of this chapter at home the day after the flight (so it did pass, just like everything does). The delay ended up being ten long hours for a two-hour flight from Rome to London. My daughter and I eventually made it back home at 1:00am, tired and drained, but at least we had our own beds instead of having to sleep at the airport or in a hotel on the outskirts of the city. Another bonus was that I woke this morning without a hangover. That’s the final tip for dealing with stress: try and see the positive in the situation.
Hopefully, these stress-busting tips will help ensure you don’t think about reaching for alcohol when you’re faced with a difficult situation.
‘A stressful workday and I’m tired with jet lag. Walked past the pub and had an urge to knock back five pints – my previous response to similar situations. Naively I didn’t believe the urge would be so strong at almost five months in. I won’t drink but I was very tempted. Urgh.’
Facebook group post by PN, Worthing, UK