First, I wish to thank all the couples I have had the honor to work with over the last twenty-five years. You have fascinated, enthralled, and educated me. In the drama of separateness and togetherness that is a couple therapy session, I have explored with you the reality of what it means to love, to be heartbroken, and to find a way to deep, nurturing connectedness.
Second, I wish to thank my dear colleagues at the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute and International Center for Excellence in EFT, especially Dr. Alison Lee and Gail Palmer. Without them, the Institute and Center would not exist; with them, I’ve been able to create a professional family.
I would like to thank all my wonderful graduate students at the University of Ottawa, School of Psychology, who have hurled themselves at outcome and change process studies in couple therapy with a passion and commitment that match my own. They have watched thousands of tapes of therapy sessions with me.
I thank my colleagues at the School of Psychology at the University of Ottawa and at Alliant International University in San Diego, who have collaborated with and supported me. Also, I thank the amazing colleagues who teach EFT with me, especially the almost fifty members of the trainers group from the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), who have taken this way of understanding relationships and helping couples and families all over the world. I also acknowledge the constant validation and support given to me by the members of the more than forty EFT communities and centers all over the world and the more than four thousand active members of ICEEFT.
A special thank-you goes to my colleagues in social psychology, particularly Dr. Phil Shaver, Dr. Mario Mikulincer, and others who have been pioneers in applying attachment theory to adult relationships and who have tolerated a crazy clinician in their midst. Over the past twenty years, they have produced an explosion of research studies and rich insights—knowledge that I have taken into my couple sessions and used to make a difference in people’s lives. I also thank my dear colleague John Gottman for all the debates and discussions and the wonderful validation and encouragement he has given me over the years.
I would like to thank Tracy Behar, my editor at Little, Brown, for her unflagging enthusiasm and outrageous confidence in me and this project; my agent, Miriam Altshuler, for her total professionalism and expert guidance; freelance editor Anastasia Toufexis, who waded through rough drafts of the original version of this book and saved the reader from having to do the same; and my amazing, conscientious assistant, Jackie Evans. In particular, I would like to honor my wonderful partner and colleague in this Christian edition of Hold Me Tight, Kenny Sanderfer, for inspiring me and guiding me back to my Christian roots. He gracefully educated me about how the faith community has changed since the nuns of St. Joseph taught me my catechism. He also connected me again to the spirit behind the songs of praise that thrilled my soul as a young chorister in the small Norman cathedral in Rochester, England. Without his support and thoughtful contributions, this book would never have seen the light of day.
I must thank my three children, Tim, Emma, and Sarah, for tolerating my obsession with this book and my desire to revisit it in order to offer it to the Christian community. I appreciate all the friends in Ottawa, across the USA, and in other parts of the world who continue to believe in me and to support my mission, which is to make loving relationships available to all people everywhere. I have been most fortunate to find exactly what it was that I was meant to do, as a researcher, teacher, writer, and therapist, but my real learning about love and relationships has been done, of course, in my own family. Most of all and always, I must thank my incredible partner, John Palmer Douglas, who is my safe haven, my secure base, my inspiration.
Sue Johnson
Special thanks to all the wonderful teams and people who have made my contribution to this book possible: Trevecca Nazarene University; Dr. Don Harvey; Robin Gould, D.R.E., LMFT; Christie Eastman; Pete Wilson, pastor and friend; all the couples who participated in the small-group research; Kentucky/Tennessee EFT community; and ICEEFT EFT trainers.
Special thanks also to Robin Pippin, who was a great source of encouragement, advice, and editorial contributions, and to my faith community, which stood behind me with encouragement and prayers.
Kenny Sanderfer