“It just makes me crazy. I’ve been waiting for more than two years.” Jillian set her glass down on her mother’s kitchen table with a thud.
“At least you were able to get a teaching job right out of school,” her mother, Liz, said, sipping from her china coffee cup. “A lot of people are out of work.”
Jillian sighed. “I know, Mom. That’s not my point.”
“I know what your point is. I’m just saying, you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“I’m not.” Jillian stopped herself, feeling her frustration build and her voice rise. She mentally counted to five. “I’m just saying they promised me first shot at a high school opening, and then they hired somebody else. From outside.”
“What does that mean, anyway?” Ted Clark stood at the butcher-block kitchen counter and refilled his own cup with the remainder of the coffee from the pot. “What the hell is a gift horse exactly? Have you ever seen one? I haven’t.”
Jillian smiled. It was just like her father to try to allay any tension that cropped up between her and her mother. A full-time job for him, she was sure.
He kissed the top of Jillian’s blonde head as he sat down at the head of the table. “Don’t you like teaching the little ones?” he asked.
“Actually I do. Sometimes, it’s fun. I just wanted something else, you know? I thought I’d be doing that by now.”
“Well, if you get fed up, I can always teach you the ins and outs of real estate.” Her father ran his own real estate company and had done quite well for himself. So when her brother, Brian, was laid off from his job at a local advertising firm, he had joined the company and gotten his real estate license.
“I know, Dad. Thanks, but I think one Clark kid is more than enough for you to handle. Two of us in your office would drive you over the edge.”
“Your brother has been doing very well there. Hasn’t he, Ted?”
“I’m sure he has,” Jillian said before her father was dragged in. “I was just kidding.”
“How’s the house coming along?” Ted asked.
Jillian appreciated his attempt to change the subject, though his choice of topics didn’t help with the tension. She dove in anyway. “It’s great. We’ve done a lot in the past month. Painting and unpacking and arranging furniture. Then rearranging the furniture.” With a chuckle, she turned to her mother. “Just like you used to do when we were little. Remember how often you rearranged the living room?”
Liz nodded, tight-lipped, and sipped from her cup.
“I’d love for you guys to come and see it.” Unable to stand the fact that her mother wouldn’t look her in the eye, Jillian turned to her father. “Maybe you could take a look at the furnace, Dad? It makes a weird sound, and we’d love to save the money a service call will cost if we can.”
“Sure, sweetheart. I’ll give you a call this weekend.”
An uncomfortable silence hung around them, but Jillian was determined not to let it pull her down. Part of her wanted to ask her mother, point blank, when she was coming over. She wanted to tell her that Angie’s mother had been to the house every weekend since they’d moved in to help unpack things, arrange cupboards, hang curtains. She wanted to yell, to cry, to show her mother that she was hurt by the obvious lack of interest.
Instead, she stood and took her glass into the kitchen. “Okay. Time for me to head out.”
“You don’t want to stay for dinner?” Liz’s expression said she’d simply expected Jillian would.
“Oh, I’d love to, Mom, but Angie’s making her famous lasagna. It’s to die for. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She’d meant it to sting, and she could tell by her mother’s face that it had. So why did she feel no satisfaction?
She gave each parent a kiss on the cheek and left. Once outside—and not for the first time—she was amazed at how much easier it was to breathe.
Later that evening, Jillian and Angie sat at their breakfast bar counter and ate lasagna.
“I don’t know why you let them get to you like that,” Angie said.
“I don’t let them get to me. I let her get to me. I always have.” Jillian put a forkful from her second helping into her mouth and chewed. “I don’t know why. She has this . . . this . . . power. I don’t know what it is, but she can make me feel like I’m eight years old again just like that.” She snapped her fingers to punctuate the statement.
“You just want her approval,” Angie said. “We all want our mothers’ approval. It’s a basic need.”
“I guess.” Jillian continued as Angie headed to the refrigerator. “She’s always been tough on me, but when I came out? God, I thought she’d disown me right there.”
“But she didn’t.”
“Not officially. She thought I was simply copying Shay. Can you believe that? I really think she thought it would pass. We just never talked about it again. That’s my family’s M.O. We never talk about anything that involves feelings or emotions.”
“God, my family can’t talk about anything without feelings or emotions.”
Jillian laughed. “We couldn’t really have come from two more opposite ends of the spectrum, could we?”
“I don’t think so. And now, to change the subject.” Angie pulled a bottle out of the fridge. “Ta da!”
“Champagne?”
“Well, not exactly champagne. Sparkling wine. Not as fancy, but still something with celebratory bubbles.”
“And what’s that for? Why do we need celebratory bubbles?”
“Think about it,” Angie hinted, making a rolling gesture with her hand.
Jillian scrunched up her face, wracking her brains before gasping. “Did you get the Solomon program?”
“I did.”
Jillian squealed and jumped off her stool, running over to hug Angie, who joined in the squealing, and together they hopped in a squealing circle. “Baby, that’s great! I am so proud of you. How many quotes did you end up sending all together?”
“Six, for god’s sake.” Solomon was a huge payroll company and Angie had met with the head of marketing four separate times before they chose her. “You know how exhausting all the meetings and paperwork were. But today? Totally worth it.”
Jillian opened the wine and poured, then held up her glass. “To my girl, the most awesome,” she lowered her voice conspiratorially, “not to mention the sexiest, saleswoman around. Way to go, baby doll.”
They touched their glasses together and sipped. Angie took the cork, grabbed a Sharpie from the drawer, and wrote the date and the occasion for the celebration on it. Then she dropped it into a big glass jar on the windowsill, where the cork dated with their move-in date already sat.
“You know,” she said. “A program like this means pretty steady orders. I hope. And you know what steady orders mean?”
“Steady commission,” they said in unison.
Angie went on. “It’ll make a nice supplement to my measly paycheck. And if I can work hard and grow this program, we only go up from here.”
Angie rolled over in bed. The clock read 1:17, and she sighed heavily. She couldn’t seem to shut off her mind. The Solomon logo, in all its reflex blue glory, popped brightly into her head. Again. With a sigh of frustration, she quietly got out of bed, donned sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt, and padded downstairs in her bare feet. She would never get to sleep if she didn’t dump some of this detail out of her head. Pad of paper and pen in hand, she curled up on the couch under the afghan her grandmother crocheted and began to list the things she needed to do.
A long while later, Angie exhaled slowly, set her pen down, and read the list. There. A bit better. There was so much to do; this was an enormous undertaking and creating the list had already alleviated much of the panic that had set in. This was the biggest account she’d ever had, and though she felt like she had a good handle on the business, it still made her jittery and nervous. Hope was confident in her. And proud of her; she’d told her so. Jillian’s pride was obvious. Mr. Guelli? Angie had expected he’d be happier. After all, the Solomon account meant a nice profit for Logo Promo. Oh, he’d congratulated her with his signature pat on the behind, but still she didn’t feel like he considered her an equal to some of the salesmen, as she’d been hoping. Stupidly, she was beginning to understand.
I’ll just have to show him, she thought. I’ll make him a ton of money, and then he’ll have no choice but to see that I’m good at this.
Even in her head she sounded like a petulant child, but she didn’t care. This account was a big deal, and she was proud of landing it. And Jillian was proud of her for landing it. That’s all that really mattered in the grand scheme of life. She laid her head back against the arm of the couch and closed her tired and scratchy eyes.
“Honey. Come on. Angie.”
Angie inhaled deeply and opened her eyes. Jillian’s blue eyes looked down at her with concern, hair disheveled, clad in white boxers with light blue pinstripes and a blue tank top. She looked delicious. “Hi,” Angie croaked.
“What are you doing down here?” Jillian asked, a flash of hurt zipping across her face.
Angie sat up, stretched. “I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake you up with all my tossing and turning and sighing.” She handed Jillian the list, explaining what had prompted her to make it. “I’m sorry, baby. For what it’s worth, I would have much rather been in bed with you.”
Jillian kissed her quickly on the lips. “Well, it’s after six. You wanted to get in early today, right?”
Angie’s eyes widened. “Yes. Crap.” She kicked off the afghan and beelined for the stairs.
“I’ll bring up your coffee,” Jillian called after her.