For the first time in nearly ten years, Jake slept soundly. Every muscle in his body relaxed. The relentless push-pull of virus versus sanity had abated. Every spinning thought seeped away, replaced by a comforting connection, knee to chest, with Kiera. She lay flush with her butt and back pressed against him. For a precious piece of time, he was a normal man, not a monster.
For a precious piece of time, he caught a glimpse of forever.
His existence boiled down to breathing in the soothing scent of flowery shampoo and exhaling every regret into the quiet, dark room. He couldn’t move for fear of disturbing the crystalline, delicate peace. His hand, heavy and brutish, rested motionless on the curve of Kiera’s hip. The other hand had gone numb as her head pillowed his arm under her. But any movement could break this spell. So, he remained motionless.
When he dared to crack an eye open at dawn, he drank in the way her dark hair tangled on the pillow in an adorable mess. He brushed a kiss across the back of her neck, loving how the smooth skin under his lips stippled with goose bumps. Unable to resist touching her, he traced her shoulder and arm with his fingertips.
“Mm.” She shifted and stretched, grinding her butt into his groin and waking up the rest of his body in the best possible way.
When she rolled over, the sheet stopped just above her nipples, but the visible portion of her full breasts had him licking his lips, eager to drop more kisses on the silky skin. Even the delicate line of her nose tempted him to kiss her there as well.
The corners of her rosy mouth curled up. “Morning.”
“A very good morning.” He brushed his thumb over her lower lip, and she sucked the tip in, sending pure happiness straight to his groin. Then she scooted closer and nestled her head on his upper arm. Then she sighed.
A raw and beautiful emotion nailed him in his solar plexus.
Fuck it all, he’d stay right here for days if she wished. He’d do anything for this woman. Anything.
He leaned up on his side, caressing her cheek.
All his life, this was what he’d wanted.
What did Kiera truly want? He stilled the movement of his fingers on her skin.
No way did she want half of a man, Jake, with his fucked-up life.
He had no business leading her on.
He had his chance with her before and blew it. Had he learned from the experience? Contentment congealed into nasty slime in his gut.
Screwing up again with Kiera would damn near kill him. They had too many cards stacked against them. His lack of staying power in a relationship when tough times happened was the problem. That, and the presence of an experimental virus that could turn him into a hair-triggered, feral monster who had a crappy future.
Add in the U.S. government, which would never stop until it had ‘repatriated’ Jake back to the cage where he could resume his career as a glorified lab rat. Oh, yeah, that job had upward mobility written all over it.
What kind of a future picture could he paint for Kiera? Their child?
Black ink on a black easel.
Nothing. He had nothing to offer her. Except for pain.
He was already in way too deep. Panic clawed through his lungs, taking up all the air inside of him. Things had gone too far. He needed to end this relationship now. Distance. He would start by getting some distance from Kiera.
He groaned and rolled to his back.
Damned if she didn’t follow, continuing to cuddle like she cared less about all the ways he didn’t measure up. If only she didn’t trail those magical fingertips down his torso and dangerously close to—
“Shit, you have to stop.” He encircled her delicate wrist and drew her hand away from the area of his body jumping to attention.
“Why?”
He couldn’t see it, but he felt her smile with her cheek pressed against his chest. A shudder ripped through him when she feathered a kiss next to his nipple. It would be way too easy to go for round two of passion. Far too easy to lead her on until he inevitably hurt her. Again.
Time to man up. Do what was right. Rip off the goddamned Band-Aid before the damage became permanent.
Like sleep with her?
He eased away from her. “Kiera. Stop.”
“What?” Her dyed brows drew together, a visual reminder of how she had to change to survive. And why.
Her rounded abdomen was a reminder of why Jake had to step away. He needed to give this baby a future, which meant he needed to give Kiera a future. That future couldn’t include Jake.
“All of this. We have to stop all of it,” he ground out.
She pulled back and propped her head up on a bent arm, revealing another tempting portion of a full breast. “I don’t understand.”
What he’d give to replace the sad downturn of her lips with another sexy release of pleasure like last night.
Cut it out, he commanded his hardening cock. No, it didn’t matter what his body wanted. This was about what Kiera needed, even if she didn’t realize it right now.
He rested the side of his head on his palm, mirroring her semi-reclined position. “Last night … shouldn’t have happened.”