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They were arguing again. Lately, that was all they ever did—screamed at each other. I covered my ears and curled into a ball, wishing I could melt away into the floorboards. Anywhere was better than here.
I reached for the iPod nearby that Daddy bought for me as a birthday present. I popped in the earbuds, turned the music up high, and tried to drown out their voices. The music thrummed through me, trying to pull me into its world.
But it wasn’t enough. I could still hear Daddy as he yelled, “Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” A door slammed shut and not even a second later, there was a piercing scream.
I squeezed my eyes shut as she screamed over and over again, begging for Daddy to come back.
My own scream for her to stop woke me up from the nightmare, and I rolled out of the bed from the surprise. The floor took on my body and won as I grunted from the impact, not even the carpet enough to soften the landing. Sharp pain dug into my lower back and slowly crawled up my spine. My muscles screamed in protest as I tried to breathe through it. Gritting my teeth, I twisted my eyes closed as the lower muscles in my back spasmed in displeasure.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
I blew out a hard breath and repeated the process as the pain slowly subsided. An eternity passed until my body was strong enough to listen to me without a repeated performance.
A song by Bastille blasted from my phone, reminding me that I needed to get my butt moving. While letting one of my favorite songs play through to the end, I took a moment to just feel the coldness of the floor as it seeped into my heated skin. Disorientation from the fragmented nightmare and the reminder that today was going to be a long day didn’t click as fast as it should have.
Today was Tri-Town Fun Day.
Shit.
I lived in Higginham, which shared borders with two other towns: Faydelle and Coronac Falls. Every year, the Saturday before school began, the three towns got together and hosted the Tri-Town Fun Day for all the local residents. There were always games, sports exhibitions, competitions, live bands, tons of food, cook-offs, raffles, and at the end, after sunset, fireworks. The event was a last effort to get all the kids to release their excess energy before school started.
Finally pushing off the floor once the song ended, I staggered to the bathroom and got ready. The master bathroom had a massive full-length mirror, allowing me to see the last of the injuries that were still healing. All that was left from Lindie’s attack were light yellow blemishes on my skin along my sides as the rest of the bruises faded away to nothing. The proof of her attack disappeared more and more each day, and eventually all that would be left as a reminder would be a medical report at the hospital and a file with the police. To think this all happened almost two months ago.
Once I finished getting dressed, I forced myself to take the pain medication and did light stretches taught by my physical therapist, hoping to relieve the stiffness from sleeping all night. When I glanced out the window, dark clouds gathered in the sky with an oncoming storm. According to the weather reports, it wasn’t supposed to hit until late tonight, but it looked like it was gathering up quickly. I hoped it held out until after the Fun Day was over.
The day already looked to be rather bleak, and I didn’t need the rain to add on to it. Either way, I had to go, and I had to face the stares from Faydelle’s darling wives and daughters, and their speculation that was going to be sent my way. I’d sent their Queen Bee to a psychiatric hospital, after all. When word got out that Faydelle’s favorite model citizen beat the shit out of her daughter, no one was willing to believe it. Not until someone got their hands on the report and passed it around. Everyone who knew my mother learned the truth. Another reason I needed to move out of that community. They kept coming by, pretending to be sympathetic when really, they were a bunch of vultures trying to get more of the story to gossip about.
Why didn’t he take you with him? You’ve ruined everything. Everything! I’m saddled with a goddamn useless little shit.
I ignored the memory of Lindie’s words leftover from the nightmare and threw on a basic, gray skater dress that flowed around the middle of my thighs and paired it with white Keds. My hair stayed down to soften my features. Exhaustion dotted my face, and it took a bit to hide the dark circles and puffiness.
Your life is a performance now, Cadence. Show nothing but perfection.
My hand froze as I was about to apply some lipstick. The lipstick shook until I finally dropped it into the sink. It clanked, leaving a pink streak against the white porcelain as it rolled to the drain. Lindie wasn’t going to be there. She wasn’t going to pick apart my performance, tell me I’d done terrible and that I was an embarrassment.
When was the last time she wasn’t there? Or at least ready to hear the gossip about my performance. Too long. I blinked furiously, pressure building in my ribs, ready to burst out. But fear kept me clenching my teeth. I didn’t want to know what would happen if I opened my mouth. I stayed like that until the feeling slipped away before I headed back downstairs.
Just as I was about to run out the door with my guitar, purse, and keys, I paused, glancing into the living room. The boxes still sat there, untouched. After biting my lip, I sighed and went over, grabbing a random box.
Maybe if I opened a box a day, eventually I’d be done. Deciding that was the best plan, I dug through the box and pulled out the throw pillows belonging to the couch pushed off to the side. I tossed them on there and then broke down the box.
One down, a lot more to go.
Feeling somewhat accomplished, I ran out the door, knowing once I got there, I’d have to deal with the high-society prissies. They’d been trying to get the full scoop about my mother and I’d done everything I could to stay away from them. This was going to be my first public event after it all went down. I was going to be fair game to them.
Sighing, I crawled into my maroon Impala and drove the fifteen minutes to get to the park. Another ten minutes were needed to find parking. I told the lady selling tickets at the front entrance who I was. The smile Mrs. Kelly was flashing everyone widened even more as her green eyes grew keen. She screeched in my ear as she forced a hug onto me. My body stayed stiff, and I fought to not shove her away. When she finally stepped back, I sighed in relief as the nausea that had been building calmed down.
“My, my, my. It’s such a shame, what happened to Linds. I never knew.” Mrs. Kelly shook her head in mock sympathy, and I had to grit my teeth. The light in her eyes dimmed. “Thank you for doing this for us despite everything that has been going on in your life. It must be so hard on you.”
I sighed as she prattled on about things she knew nothing about. There was so much I wanted to say to the two-faced woman. Why did she expect me to tell her anything? The last time we talked, she snubbed me, believing my mother’s lies about skipping school and being a delinquent.
With a tight smile, I said, “I need to get going.” I nodded behind her, wanting her to understand I’d rather be anywhere but here.
“Oh, right. You’re performing. Here is your badge.”
Mrs. Kelly handed over a lanyard with a badge at the end that said ‘Entertainer.’ I looped it over my head, letting it dangle just below my breasts.
“You’ll be doing a three-song set starting at ten-thirty over on Stage Three. Please don’t be late, darling.” Despite being in Northern New York, she held a Southern accent, oozing Southern charm. I didn’t know what to do with her and all the insincere niceness she tossed my way. Once she finished giving me directions to the stage, she looked me over again, probably expecting me to not be on time.
“Of course,” I said and walked away, adjusting the strap of my guitar case to fit more comfortably against my back. I had an hour to spare and didn’t want to waste it on Mrs. Kelly, trying to convince her that I was a responsible young woman. It was pointless anyway. They’d never believed me, no matter how much I insisted that none of Lindie’s lies were true.
My stomach growled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten anything yet. I pulled out the money I had shoved into my pocket and rolled my eyes. Seven dollars. A lot of these stalls were cash only, so my options were limited. Needing something to eat before my performance, I browsed the food stalls.
A crepe stall was tucked off in the corner with a short line. Deciding that would work perfectly, I ended up getting two chocolate-hazelnut banana crepes. Thanking the nice woman who gave me my food, I began searching for a place to rest.
A boy caught my attention as I scanned the area. He looked to be around seven years old with dirty blond hair and light eyes. His face was expressive, showing his anxiety as his head whipped around looking for something or someone. He shuffled around on his feet and everything about him screamed fear enough for me to notice, and I still stood a few yards away.
I wanted to leave him there. Whatever was going on wasn’t my problem. I had my own issues to deal with. But before I could turn around and walk away, my feet moved on their own. Something about him pulled at me as I approached him cautiously.
“Are you okay?” I asked, stopping just out of reach, trying to hide my nerves as I approached him.
His body whipped around to face me. Gray eyes. The most adorable gray eyes ever. They widened as they flickered around him again before turning back to me. He looked down and light pink dotted his cheeks.
“I’m lost.” His voice was so soft that I almost didn’t hear him through all the chatter and excitement surrounding us. “I lost my brother.”
I smiled, hoping it didn’t scare him away. I hadn’t smiled a real one in so long that it felt foreign on my face. Even my muscles strained against the unfamiliar movement. Slowly, I moved closer to him. But the moment he stepped back, making sure to keep the distance between us, I froze. He had turned pale and I realized he was breathing a little heavily, his hands clenched at his sides now, knuckles turning white.
He was scared of me. Terrified, by the way he was blinking furiously, not quite looking at me. My heart twisted as I stared at this little boy who was scared of me. A deep, familiar ache settled in my stomach as I forced a smile, trying to remain relaxed. I needed something to break this awkwardness that seemed to stretch between us and only put him on edge more.
I knew it. I should have just left him. I couldn’t help him. He was ready to take off on me already.
I cleared my throat and grasped on to the first thing that came to mind to say. “You mean your brother lost you.” I winked at him.
His eyes grew even wider if that were possible, and for once, he actually looked at me. I could see the gears turning in his head as he thought about my words and then, slowly, a smile grew on his lips. A faint one, but it was there. “Yes. He lost me.”
Nodding, I found a spot on the grass and carefully took off my guitar, laying it down. I sat down, making sure the skirt of my dress stayed tucked underneath me. The distance was still stretched between us, but this should at least put him more at ease. I knew I always hated when the adults seemed to loom over me as a kid. Maybe it was the same for him?
“Well, I don’t think moving around is a good idea. You could end up missing him if you start running all over the place. How about I wait with you? I have some time and if he doesn’t find you, you can come with me. I’ll be on stage, and you can stand up there with me until he comes. If you’re up there, he’ll definitely see you then.”
My mouth clanked shut after saying so many words all together. I didn’t think I had it in me to say so much. The boy stood over me, just staring.
I rested the food on my lap and smiled up at him. “By the way, I’m Cadence.”
His smile was priceless as he finally settled next to me, making sure to keep at least two feet between us. “Calvin.”
“Cute name for a cute boy,” I said, and his skin turned red. Embarrassed? I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. I dug through my purse. “Do you like music?”
Dirty blond hair fluttered in the air as Calvin bobbed his head up and down. His focus was on his hands in his lap as he tugged on his fingers. When he glanced over, instead of on me, his eyes landed on my guitar case.
Smiling, I asked, “Are you interested in the guitar?”
His cheeks reddened even more, and he nodded.
I held up my badge for him to see. “I’m one of the performers today.”
His mouth made an O-shape.
I laughed, feeling warm with his pure emotions. Pulling out my MP3 player, I gave him one of the earphones. After flipping through the options, I settled on one of my favorite songs. He scooched closer, our bodies nearly touching as we listened to the music. I stiffened up and had to remind myself that this sweet little boy was not going to throw punches at me. And I was in public. It was just bad form to beat people up in public.
I handed over one of my crepes. He stared at it with want. I only smiled, encouraging him to take it. Finally caving, he accepted it.
He was so adorable.
My heart ached at that thought, a surprising rush of grief hitting me hard.
