“Subject-verb disagreement [is] a telltale sign of illiteracy,” Lapsing into a Comma author Bill Walsh writes.
Labeling as illiterate all people who make this grammar mistake is a telltale sign of jock itch or some other ailment that drives people to extreme testiness.
Presumably, Walsh is talking about mistakes such as President Bush’s comment on the importance of Syrian troop withdrawal from Lebanon: “There’s no half-measures involved.” It was a mistake reporters found so forgivable that they didn’t even bother to point out that he should have said, “There are no half-measures involved.”
But not all agreement issues are so simple that they separate the Walshes from the moronic masses. For example, lots of professional writers have trouble making their verbs agree with words such as “none,” “neither,” and “everyone.”
A lot of people think that “none” always means “not one.” Following that logic, they think that “none” should always take a verb conjugated in the singular, “none is,” and never the plural, “none are.”
Not so.
“None is” and “none are” are both correct depending on what you mean.
“Of all the illnesses common to locker rooms, none is as annoying as jock itch,” emphasizes that there’s not a single ailment as irritating. “There are a lot of cooties you can pick up in the locker room, and none are any fun,” emphasizes that there are a number of microbes you might want to avoid.
Unlike “none,” “neither” is always singular. “Neither jock itch nor hemorrhoidal inflammation is an excuse to be rude.”
The word “everyone” and its stand-in “everybody” are a case study in language anarchy. For example, everyone knows that “everyone” gets a singular verb—“knows”—as in “he knows,” and not the plural verb—“know”—as in “they know.” Everyone knows this, don’t they? But wait a minute. If “everyone” gets a singular verb, shouldn’t it get a singular pronoun? “Everyone knows this, doesn’t he or she?”
Well, that’s what William Safire would have you do.
“ ‘Everyone’ means ‘every one,’ ” Safire writes in Fumblerules. “We match our subject, ‘everyone,’ with its singular pronoun: ‘his’ or ‘her,’ not ‘their.’ ”
The examples he gives make good sense. “Everyone does ‘his’ thing” sounds much more precise than “everyone does ‘their’ thing.”
But sometimes this is flat-out awkward, so awkward that in British English, Garner’s Modern American Usage reports, it’s now correct to use the singular verb but the plural pronoun: “Everyone picks up their keys at the desk.”
There’s no clear answer to this one, so here’s what I suggest: Opt for a singular pronoun—“Everyone applies his own ointment”—in every case except when that’s just too awkward. In those cases, go ahead and use the plural pronoun after carefully weighing the fact that it leaves you vulnerable to a grammar-snob attack. “We should give everyone the ointment they need to get relief.”
Collective nouns are less clear. They include “couple,” “team,” “faculty,” “memoirs,” “media,” “data,” and “strata.” A lot of people like to hand you ironclad rules on these. “Couple,” some try to say, should always take a singular verb. “Media,” some say, is the plural of “medium” and therefore should always take a plural verb. These are often the same people who number their silverware and arrange dry goods in the cabinets alphabetically. Don’t hate, pity. Anyway, once again we have a situation where your ear is a good guide.
“The couple were married Saturday” sounds better than “The couple was married Saturday,” right? Now consider this example, which like the previous is lifted directly from the AP Stylebook: “Each couple was asked to give $10.” “Was” sounds better than “were,” huh?
Here’s why: “When used in the sense of two people, the word takes plural verbs and pronouns,” AP writes. “In the sense of a single unit, use a singular verb.” Just as your ear was telling you all along.
For “media,” common sense continues to rule over rules. Yes, “media” is the plural of “medium,” but it has in recent years come to have a collective meaning, as a synonym for “the press.” So when you’re talking about a group of media representatives huddled together, sure, use the plural: “The media are chasing J-Lo down the street.”
But, as Walsh points out in Lapsing into a Comma without interjecting accusations of illiteracy, try substituting “mediums” for “media” and you’ll see that sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to think of “media” as plural: “The mediums are biased in favor of whichever political party you happen to oppose” sounds dumb and makes it clear that “media” is sometimes a collective and therefore goes best with a singular verb: “The media is biased in favor of whichever political party you happen to oppose.”
So for words that describe multiple people or things, just ask yourself whether your sentence is emphasizing a single entity or multiple individuals.
Making your verbs agree with subjects like “politics,” “scissors,” “measles,” and “news” can be harder. For example, “politics” usually is treated as plural: “His politics are wacky.” But sometimes it takes a singular verb, especially when it’s being discussed as a science or a profession. “Politics is a difficult topic to research.” There’s no rule to help us, only the dictionary and our own best judgment.
We know “pants” and “scissors” each refers to a single thing, but we always use the plural noun. “These pants are too tight.” “Then these scissors are just the thing to help you out of them.”
Another place where you want to be careful about agreement issues comes when choosing between “who” and “that.” If you’re talking about a human being, use “who.” “Walsh is the writer who has been picked on enough in this chapter.” Not “Walsh is the writer that . . .”
Of course, grammar snobs disagree even on the subject of agreement. But, in fact, agreement is pretty straightforward stuff that we normal people can usually all agree on.