41

EARLY MARCH

Simon is alive.

He held my sister hostage, the lunatic. He deserves to be dead.

But he also whispered in her ear. He told her he wouldn’t hurt her. That she should close her eyes and she wouldn’t see anything. That he was sorry, but this is what he had to do. That he didn’t see any other way.

Sharpshooters are trained to kill.

But Dad is the boss. He got my text, and he’d been compiling and analyzing Simon’s profile since day one. His gut feeling told him that I was right. This was Simon’s very public attempt at a suicide by cop. But it was his daughter up there with a gun to her head. Could he take a chance that he was wrong?

Simon was shot four times within two seconds. One shot to each hand, one shot to each kneecap. Zero shots to the heart, brain, or stomach.

So he’s alive. Probably wishes he’s dead. But he’s alive.

When they search his locker, they find a package on his neatly made bed. It’s wrapped up with a bow. At first the bomb squad is called in to open it. But it’s just a bunch of papers. Titled “Stranger’s Manifesto (As If You Care).” It’s a whole bunch of journal entries he’d written like free-form poems. Based on what Dad tells me about them, I think they were Simon’s attempt to explain himself. The newspapers are saying he had a God complex. They interview some top psychologists who talk about sociopathology and narcissism and the desperation of our youth.

I collect everything. I read it once, and then I put it away in my own little box at the back of my closet. I know my parents will think I’m obsessed if they see it. But I don’t ever want to forget what happened. I figure if I keep these things in a box, then I can look at them when I want to remember and allow myself to forget about it the rest of the time.

Dad brings home a copy of the last journal entry in the Manifesto. It pisses me off.

I’ve read all the stories, you know.

Same as you.

About school shootings and school violence.

And it makes me want to puke my guts out.

Same as you.

I am not that guy. I hate that guy. I want that guy to rot in hell.

That guy is the worst piece of shit bully there is.

I just wanted to catch your attention,

And I did, didn’t I?

But no one would have ever been hurt

By my hand.

I promise.

By the time you read this I will be dead.

I don’t apologize for scaring everyone.

No offense.

It was the only way to make people sit up

And notice.

I take offense. I take a lot of offense.

I feel sorry for Simon and I’m glad he’s not dead, but I take a hell of a lot of offense about the whole thing. He deserves to be locked up for a long time. Maybe forever. The district attorney just announced he plans to try him as an adult.

Because Simon, for all his earth-shattering IQ scores, is a complete idiot. There are a hundred million better ways to make a change in school culture besides terrorizing everyone. Or trying to get your brains blown out in front of a thousand people. Now he’s going to spend his life in jail, instead of trying to make a difference in a way that might really matter.

What a waste.