I drive none stop until reaching Blackburn. The car idles as I sit on the road right at the city line. It only takes me a few seconds to know what I want to do and to keep on driving forward.
First, I go to my place, curious to see if anyone would be there for some odd reason. Part of me is hoping that Ivy is waiting but part of me is happy she isn’t. I need to fix this and the best way is to go after her.
I don’t bother dropping off my stuff and head right to her parents’ house, knowing that there’s no other place she’d be—at least I don’t think there would be.
Pulling up to the house, I jump out of the truck and walk around to side where I can climb up to Ivy’s bedroom. When I overhear part of a conversation coming from inside, I head back to front door, knocking on it as I let myself in as I always have since I was eight.
I move slowly, not wanting to disrupt them, but also needing a little more time to figure out what I want to say when I reveal myself. I catch what I think is the tail end of Grady coming out to his parents. I’m not sure if it was because he wanted to come out or not, but I’m not surprised by his parents’ reaction. I’m sure any good parent would know even before their own kid about their preferred sexual orientation.
I get nervous when they fall silent and I start to second guess how I just walked into the house, intruding on the conversation. My feet start to inch back toward the door when I hear her voice.
“There’s a good chance Mrs. Summerlin is or will be spreading gossip about me,” Ivy says.
“What else is new?” Papa states.
“Why?” her Nana inquires. “What happened now?”
“She came to Henry’s this morning while we waited for him,” Ivy reveals.
I wonder who was with her while she waited for me. I hate that she had to. I hate how I still haven’t bothered to do anything with fixing my phone. I’m such an idiot.
“What did she want?” Mrs. Abney searches.
“I don’t know, but I know that she wasn’t happy to see me there…especially once she saw Henry in his car seat,” Ivy mentions.
My body warms at the thought of them waiting for me.
“What happened?” Grady asks.
“She had a few choice words for me,” Ivy shares. “So…so, I called her out.”
Rage beings to boil in my veins at the thought of Mrs. Summerlin speaking to Ivy how she did. That woman has no right to speak to anyone, especially Ivy, like that. How dare she say anything to Ivy after everything that woman has done to her own daughter—to her own family. She’s far from innocent and made Julianna keep things from her own father.
“On what?” Mr. Abney searches.
“For sleeping around,” Ivy states.
“I knew it,” her Nana exclaims. “Lynnette told Georgina that Sylvie May saw her leaving the Blackburn Restaurant with a different man the other day….you know, one who wasn’t Charles. And, that doesn’t count all these years that we’ve seen odd behaviors from her.”
“I don’t know if she’s still doing it,” Ivy mentions. “But, I know she used to. Julianna told me about it once when we were little.”
Julianna told me about it early on in our relationship. That’s part of the reason why we had friction. I kept asking her to confront both of her parents about the bullshit, but she wouldn’t—maybe, she couldn’t.
“What do you mean?” Mrs. Abney asks.
“I think we were thirteen when Julianna told me how she came home one day in the summer, earlier than she was expected to be home and she overheard some things when she got upstairs,” Ivy shares.
My head nods remembering when Julianna told me that story.
“Oh, my,” Mrs. Abney gasps. “That poor child.”
“It’s wasn’t the only time,” Ivy adds. “Julianna said that there were several times her mother had slipped up with things.”
“That poor family,” Mrs. Abney sighs.
“That, and Julianna was never his daughter,” Ivy adds.
Julianna suspected that she wasn’t her father’s daughter, but she could never find out proof. I’m surprised that Ivy knew. It was kind of obvious though. She never really had any physical traits that resembled Mr. Summerlin.
“Poor Julianna,” Ivy’s grandma says.
“Poor Charles,” Mrs. Abney adds.
“He’s not innocent either,” Mr. Abney reveals. “They deserve each other.”
I didn’t know Charles was guilty too. I guess he was smarter with covering his tracks, at least with the town. I can’t imagine Julianna knew from what she’s told me over the years, but Mrs. Summerlin could have known and either started cheating or was already cheating. They’re such an odd couple, to say the least.
“John!” Mrs. Abney scolds.
“What?” Mr. Abney replies. “It’ the truth. They’re so quick to point out everyone else’s challenges and think they can hide their own actions in the process? Henry’s lucky to be rid of them.”
It’s not until it’s too late when I realize that my feet have taken me toward them, wanting to comfort them all and perhaps myself too.
“Hi, Dada,” the little boy greets, rushing toward me.
My eyes stay transfixed on Ivy as he hugs my legs.
“Dada,” he shouts. “Come pway.” He tugs at my hand.
My eyes look down to him before darting around the room. I’m unable to speak and I start to panic. I take a step back and the boy follows.
“Dada,” he calls following me. “Dada…come pway.”
My gut falls to the ground as I leave the house, feeling bad that I just rejected the kid who thinks I’m his father. I let the door slam behind me and I end up turning left toward the porch swing. My hands wipe my face as I try to process everything. Who am I kidding? The kid doesn’t need to think I’m his dad. It’s obvious that he’s mine. He looks just like I did when I was a baby.
With my hands on my hips, I try to get my breathing under control. I need to go back in there. I probably made that kid cry, thinking his dad wants nothing to do with him. Though my actions seem opposite, I honestly do want to be in his life. I want everything to do with him. I want him. I want his mother. How could I have treated him like that? I’m such a bad person. Did I just scar him for the rest of his life? Oh, God!
I’m such a sucky dad. The first two times he meets me and I’m running away. Does shit like that cause a kid to need therapy? I sure hope not. I’ll pay for it, but I’m hoping that I haven’t damaged him.
I turn to head back inside the house, trying to rectify my actions when I see Ivy dart out of the doorway as she shouts my name.
“Henry!” she calls a second time, running down the porch stairs. “Hen…” her voice falters when she turns and sees me.
We stand awkwardly, unable to talk.
My mouth feels dry as my heart breaks seeing the pain in her eyes and knowing I just might have done the same thing to my son.
“Please,” she begs, taking a few, rushed steps toward me. Ivy pauses suddenly as if unsure of our proximity. “Please,” she gulps. “Just…just let me explain.”
I feel my head shake as the expression on her face falls. My mouth can’t move to object or confirm to let her know I’m not stopping her from explaining, nor the fact that I’m sorry for having left the way I have twice now.
“I can understand why you’d be mad,” she continues as she moves cautiously up the steps. “I planned on telling you, I swear. There were several times where I tried to talk to you while I was back. We just got pulled into our old habits like usual…not that I minded…I… I actually enjoyed them.” An awkward smile pops on her face momentarily. “They gave me hope that telling you would be easier…that you’d understand.”
I shift because my left leg starts to feel tingly which causes Ivy to pause for several long seconds. I try to speak, but words won’t form.
“You have to understand,” Ivy begins, pausing when I take a step toward her. “There was no right decision or answer in any of this for me,” she states, curling her arms around her body.
I nod, hoping that that action alone will comfort her since I still don’t know what to say let alone know if I want to interrupt her. It might be best to let her talk so I don’t say the wrong thing or have a bunch of words come out that don’t make any sense.
“If I had come back, you would have been marked a cheater and we might not have worked out since I knew my place was in New York. I needed to go back for many reasons…aside for some selfish and some not so selfish, I think it gave you and Julianna a chance at your marriage.”
It sucks to hear her say what she’s saying, but it does make sense. We would have been labeled. Julianna and I might not have married, maybe we would have, but we would have been even more unhappy if there was a child involved.
“If I had told you that you were a father, you would have abandoned her and…and well, we wanted and perhaps needed different things then…we wouldn’t have been able to make things work.” Ivy pauses for a breath.
“You don’t know that,” I mumble despite knowing that we might not have.
“You wouldn’t have had the chance for the life you’ve created for yourself…you wouldn’t have found yourself and your business.” Tears pour from her eyes and she looks away.
I only nod, not wanting to focus on the topic my business, if Ivy even really knows or not. I also admit to myself that I might not have ever done anything with my life if she stayed—if I knew about my son. My gaze falls to the ground as all of the different possibilities cycle through my head.
She’s right. There are so many outcomes that could have come from a different decision, one of which that would have made her resent me for wanting to stay and me resenting her for wanting to leave. We weren’t on the same path then—not all the way.
“I’m so sorry,” Ivy sobs. “I tried choosing the less painful decision, but they all were painful regardless. I tried to pick the least selfish one.”
My eyes lift to her face and I catch a hint of her strength coming back in her gaze.
“I never thought about having an abortion…it was never an option,” she shares. “And, I’m sure in time, you would have met your son whether Julianna was around or not. I just didn’t know how or when it would be right.”
I let out a heavy sigh, happy to hear that she never thought about ending our son’s life. Despite our issues, our challenges, that kid is alive.
“I don’t regret it…any of it,” she continues. “I don’t regret having him. I don’t regret giving you up back then even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done.” It takes Ivy a few seconds to collect herself. “He was my salvation when I found out that I was pregnant,” she states. “He was the one thing that I was granted that was a part of you…to keep a fantastic memory of you every day of my life. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to meet him, but I didn’t want him to be marked as a bastard by the people in this town. He’s an innocent child who would suffer from his parents’ mistakes and I wasn’t willing to do that to him. I hope you understand why I did or didn’t do certain things. I wasn’t being selfish. I was trying to do right by him.”
“Dada. Mama,” the boy calls from the doorway, banging on the screen.
“What’s…” I choke as I see his shadow. “What’s…his name?”
Ivy smiles as more tears stream down her face. “Henry Lee Rein, Jr.”
I feel as if I’ve been struck in the heart by an electric current. A smile forms on my face as warmth spreads throughout my body. “He…he has my name?”
Ivy nods. “Yes.”
“Dada…Mama,” he calls again faintly as I hear Ivy’s Mom trying to direct him back inside.
“How…How does he know me?” I ask, needing to hear it from her.
“He’s seen pictures of you since the day I took him home from the hospital,” she states. “Every night before bed, we’d look at a picture of us and I’d tell him who you were…that you loved him, but couldn’t be with him yet.”
“You could have told me,” I state. “You could have told me about him.”
Ivy’s head shakes. “I tried,” she reminds.
I nod. She did try to talk to me several times. Other things just happened.
“You and I both know that there would have been a lot of pain…a lot of resentment…not just with us, but with several other people if I told you sooner,” she adds.
My head bobs even though I don’t really want to admit it. “Yeah,” I huff. “But, you could have told me the minute you were back.”
“I tried,” she sighs. “I honestly did…I think I was more scared to say it rather than see your reaction to it all.”
“So…so what do we do?” I check, hoping she can guide me through this.
I feel completely clueless. If I told the truth, I think that I’m actually relieved a little that I didn’t know right away. Things would have been too complicated for Ivy and me, probably scaring the kid more than not having me in his life.
“What do you want to do?” Ivy asks. “I don’t want to tell you to do anything you don’t want to. I just ask that…even if you can never forgive me, please…please, don’t take it out on him.”
A split second later, I’ve got Ivy in my arms and I’m kissing her. “I want you,” I confess, taking her mouth again. “I want him.” Our bodies slam against the house. I take a deep breath. “I want us,” I say keeping my mouth against hers.
I feel Ivy’s lips curl into a smile against mine. “Me too,” she agrees.
She releases me slightly, looking at my face.
I pull her closer, afraid to lose her again. “I told you when you came back that nothing that’s happened will change anything between us. And, I still mean it.”
“I know this won’t be easy…it’ll take time to figure it all out,” Ivy states. “But, we’ll take it slow.”
I snort. “You know that’s not our speed, Firefly.”
Ivy grins. “Says the man who owns Firefly Resort and Spa.”
“Grady,” I seethe under my breath. “I’ll kill him for telling you.”
“No,” Ivy says. “I saw the sign that was leaning against the side of your garage.”
“What were you doing snooping?” I tease.
“Trying to pass time while I waited for you to get back here,” Ivy replies with a smile.
“Flattery isn’t going to work, Firefly,” I goad.
“No?” she checks playfully.
My eyes narrow. “Maybe.”