FOOD

WHAT TO HAVE FOR TEA?

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF COLOUR

Before you tuck into that tasty croissant, just double check that it is not, in fact, a human beard.

 

 

BACON CAKE

What’s better than cake? Bacon. What’s better than Bacon? Bacon cake.

 

 

BRITISH COCKTAILS

 

 

HANGOVER COCKTAILS

Also available is a Paracetamolotov cocktail.

 

 

ANATOMY OF A SPROUT

Frrrrrp.

 

 

INNUENDOUGH

Rude bread and biscuits.

 

 

IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN

The legendary foods that taste like chicken.

Now to go and marinate my termite wings.

 

 

HOT-SAUCE DILEMMA

 

 

EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH BACON

 

 

HAM THICKNESS BY POSHNESS

 

 

FUNGI ID CHART

Never struggle to identify edible mushrooms again.

 

 

SEAFOOD BY POSHNESS

Prawn ring, sir?

 

 

CREAM TEA ORDERING

Jam first vs cream first.

 

 

PASTY CRIMPS

Side crimp vs top crimp.

 

 

MUSTARD OR CUSTARD

Is it mustard or is it custard? A question as old as time itself.

 

 

MOUSTARDS

Moustards ranked by strength.

 

 

NACHO NACHO MAN

 

 

DONER VAN VENN

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF COLOUR

Always check...

 

 

SANDWICH FILLINGS BY POSHNESS

Fancy a knuckle sandwich!?

 

 

FAD FOOD FIG

It won’t be long before a moustached hipster is serving you a pulled pork bap marinated in craft beer with a salt caramel and popping candy sauce from his pop-up tuk-tuk kitchen in Shoreditch.

 

 

THE ULTIMATE SANDWICH

Anatomy of the king of the sandwiches.

The triple-decker club sandwich.

 

 

FIZZ THROUGH LIFE

Fizzy things follow you through life.

Current status: mid-Champagne to vitamins.

 

 

FRENCH PICNIC

The holy trinity of fermented foods.

 

 

KETCHUP MUSTARD

We can only dream of a world in which ketchup bottles have a stripe of mustard in them, much like toothpaste tubes.

 

 

HOT DOGAGRAM

How much of a hot dog is sausage and how much is bun?

Never wonder again.

 

 

FOOD WITH HOLES

Density by diameter.

 

 

ANATOMY OF THE POTATO

 

 

HOW TO MAKE TEA

 

 

ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT

 

 

PANCAKES

 

 

PIE, TART, LATTICE

American Lattice just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

 

 

PIZZA

Base thickness and cheese coverage over time.

 

 

TOPPINGS

The inexplicable rise of rocket and demise of pineapple as a suitable pizza topping.

 

 

TEA OR COFFEE

Let this chart take the strain on this tricky decision.

 

 

HOW TO MAKE BREAD

A simple chart for the wannabe bakers among us.

 

 

PRESERVES

Looking to make preserves but lost the recipe?

Let this chart help you out of your pickle... or jam.

 

 

CROQUES

French breakfast items, with or without the beret.

 

 

RUDE SEAFOOD

Disgusting.

 

 

HOW TO CUT TOAST

The toast rack is the ideal way to cool hot, delicious toast into inedible blocks of cardboard. Thank you B & B owners, thank you very much.

 

 

SAUCY

As long as it’s brown sauce on a bacon butty.

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF COLOUR

 

 

BRITISH REGIONAL FRIED BREAKFASTS

Bacon, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes and fried bread are all standard.

Here are the regional variations...

 

 

SPOONS BY SOCIAL CLASS

*stirs tea with runcible spoon*

 

 

WAX CHEESE CHART

 

 

THE BRITISH CHEESE SPECTRUM

 

 

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?

I like them Fabergé.

 

 

SHOULD I GET A TAKEAWAY?

 

 

OK, BUT WHICH TAKEAWAY?

 

 

LAYERED PUDDINGS

Puddings with layers.

 

 

LAYERED LUNCH

Lunches with layers.