Phoebe read through her sister’s reply for the third time, unable to stop shaking with anger. How could Celia have replied to her so harshly? She had clearly been mistaken in thinking that Celia was the person she could confide in about her feelings, and had no intention of putting herself in the same predicament again. She would take care not to share her deepest thoughts or feelings with her sister in the future.
* * *
That evening, as Phoebe, Aggie, Hetty and Verity sat at a corner table in the canteen making plans, Phoebe studied her notepad and ran through the list of the points each of them had made.
‘The first thing we need to do, then, is make a poster to go on the noticeboard in here.’ It was the one room everyone visited at some point in the day. ‘Hopefully they’ll give our suggestions some thought as they’re eating their meals or taking a break, and sign up.’
‘Sign up?’ Hetty asked.
‘Yes,’ Aggie interjected. ‘We’ll pin a sheet of paper next to the poster for them to sign their names if they want to be involved.’
‘We can have columns,’ Hetty said, excitement in her voice. ‘One for their name, one for what they intend doing, and a final one so that we know what song they’ll be singing, or poem they’ll be reciting and so on.’
‘Good idea,’ Phoebe said. ‘We don’t need several people giving different renditions of the same song, do we?’
They laughed.
‘Oh, I know,’ Verity shrieked in her babyish voice. ‘How about we make suggestions on the piece of paper?’
Phoebe wasn’t sure what she meant. ‘Like what?’
‘Well, we could come up with ideas for the show, you know, songs we think will cheer people up, poems that will brighten people’s Christmas Day, that sort of thing. Then we can list them onto the paper and the first person to sign their name against it performs it.’
Phoebe gave Verity’s suggestion some thought.
‘We don’t have to stick to just those suggestions,’ added Verity. ‘People could add their own, but it would be to ensure we have certain acts in the show that we know will entertain people.’
Phoebe nodded. ‘That’s a very good idea, Verity. Don’t you think so, girls?’
‘I like it.’ Aggie smiled at Verity. ‘Well done.’
‘Yes, so do I. I’m always lost for ideas when I’m put on the spot,’ Hetty said. ‘Now all we need to do is come up with some of the acts we would like people to perform.’
Phoebe tapped her lower lip with her pencil, trying to think.
By the time they had finished their supper they had a half-way decent list that included magic tricks with cards, and jokes – although they all agreed that they would need to hear the jokes prior to the show, to ensure they weren’t too risqué or potentially offensive to some of the less worldly patients or staff.
‘We could end with something like “Pack Up Your Troubles” and “Keep the Home Fires Burning”,’ Hetty suggested.
‘You don’t think that maybe they should come somewhere in the middle of the show?’ Aggie replied.
Phoebe agreed. They wanted to end the show on a cheerful note, or something Christmassy, rather than singing songs that might make the patients, and even the staff, feel homesick.
‘And we mustn’t forget to include a range of Christmas carols,’ Phoebe said, alarmed that she had not thought to write this idea down earlier. ‘I think they are what we should end the evening singing. They will remind us all that although this is not the Christmas any of us would choose, it is still the festive season and we should celebrate it in the best and most positive way we can.’
‘I agree. Life is so turbulent most of the time right now,’ Verity said. ‘We need to help lift everyone’s spirits as much as we can, and this is the perfect way to do it.’ She grinned at them. ‘And we definitely need to sing carols.’
Phoebe began writing down some ideas for the carols she found particularly uplifting, and as she sat trying to come up with an extra one, her parents sprang to her mind. She pictured them sitting how they always used to, in their sunny living room reading quietly before retiring to bed. The fire would be keeping them warm and they would be finishing cups of cocoa before going upstairs. They would have enjoyed putting up their Christmas decorations too by now, she thought as a wave of grief hit her. It had been such a difficult year.
‘What’s the matter?’ Aggie asked quietly. ‘You look ever so down.’
‘You do a bit.’ Hetty frowned. ‘You’ve not received bad news, have you?’
Aggie rested a hand on Phoebe’s. ‘You haven’t, have you?’
‘No, nothing like that. I … I was just thinking about my parents.’ She studied her trembling hands. ‘I’m sorry. I know everyone has gone through their own heartache this year. I try to keep myself occupied so that I don’t have so much time to wallow, but sometimes…’
‘You’re allowed to grieve, Phoebe,’ Hetty said quietly. ‘You’ve had a terrible time of it, and there’s nothing wrong in allowing yourself time to think about those you’ve loved and lost.’
Phoebe gave her a grateful smile for her understanding. ‘Thank you.’
‘Hetty mentioned that you had lost them in a Zeppelin attack,’ Aggie said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Phoebe looked at the glum faces sitting at the table and shook her head. ‘I think I’m frightened to give in to my grief,’ she admitted, aware for the first time that it was what had been holding her back.
Hetty stared at her for a moment before speaking. ‘I think I understand what you mean.’
‘I just worry that if I start to cry about them, I might never be able to stop. So many people must be doing the same as me.’ She sighed deeply. Then, seeing how sad her friends seemed, she shook her head. ‘So much for lifting people’s moods. All I’ve done is make you all miserable.’
‘No you haven’t.’ Hetty patted Phoebe’s hand. ‘We simply became serious for a little while. It’s only natural, being away from home and especially at this time of year. We need to focus on something more cheerful.’
‘Like what?’ Verity asked.
‘Like what Christmas carols we’re going to ask our acts to sing, and …’ she grinned, displaying her dimples, ‘… who we assume might have the best voices among the patients.’