With Christmas fast approaching Phoebe was determined to finalise everything for the show. As more injured men were brought to the hospital the strictness of what the VADs were allowed to undertake softened slightly and Phoebe liked the feeling of being able to do more than simply clean away filthy uniforms and bandages.
She was looking forward to the Christmas show and decided to check the list on the noticeboard and saw that there were almost enough acts to make the event entertaining enough, so she unpinned it and took it with her to the table where she was meeting Aggie, Verity and Hetty.
She placed the list and notepad down on the table and began jotting down the names of the nurses, VADs, orderlies and, she noticed with delight, one of the doctors, who had volunteered their time, and what they intended doing for their performance.
‘Gosh,’ Hetty said, her large eyes wide at the long list. ‘We’ve done well, don’t you think?’
‘Yes,’ Phoebe said, relieved that the medical staff had come up trumps and that she could hold her head high as the main organiser. ‘Matron can’t be disappointed with this lot.’
Verity leaned over the list. ‘By the looks of things there’s quite a mixture too. Singers, some poems…’ She grimaced. ‘I hope it’s cheerful poetry though, I’m tired of all the dismal war poets.’
‘I think most of them sum up how the soldiers must be feeling,’ Aggie argued. ‘I know it puts into words some of my thoughts, and I’m only a VAD.’
‘There’s nothing “only” about what we do, Aggie,’ Verity scowled.
‘Sorry, you’re quite right. I didn’t mean it that way.’
‘I’m very happy with this lot,’ Phoebe said, trying to change the subject back to the show before her friends fell out. ‘Now we need to work out an order so that everyone’s interest is kept piqued throughout. We don’t want too many poems following on from each other, and the liveliest songs should, I believe, be in the middle and at the end.’
‘I agree,’ Aggie said. ‘Have you found someone to play the piano in accompaniment yet?’
Phoebe knew she had forgotten something and hoped that this was it. ‘Not yet.’
‘Maybe we’ll need a couple of them,’ Hetty suggested. ‘In case they become tired. It might be a long evening.’
‘That’s a good point.’ Phoebe made a note to sign up two pianists. She thought of Archie’s offer and, looking from one of her friends to the other, she tried to judge their reaction to what she was about to suggest. Aware that she had no idea what they might think, she decided to just say it. ‘I’m going to ask one of the patients to design the backdrop,’ she said, focusing her attention on her notepad rather than looking them in the eye.
‘Is that really necessary?’ Verity asked, a mocking tone to her voice.
She raised her gaze to Verity’s. ‘I think it will add some professionalism to the event, don’t you agree?’ She looked to Aggie and then Hetty for support.
She saw a hint of confusion flash across Hetty’s face and knew her friend suspected there was a reason behind her determination. Well, Phoebe decided, she would answer any questions Hetty might have when the time came.
‘Hetty?’
‘Er, oh, yes. I think it’s a grand idea.’
‘So do I,’ Aggie said, nodding enthusiastically.
Verity harrumphed. ‘If you all think so, then I suppose we should do it.’ She narrowed her eyes slightly. ‘Do you have someone in mind to ask?’
Phoebe hoped her cheeks weren’t as warm as she suspected they might be. She had never been a good liar. ‘Maybe.’ She decided to leave it at that. ‘I’ve been waiting for the patient’s injury to heal a little bit more before mentioning anything. I’ll let you know more tomorrow, now that I know we’re all in agreement.’
She made a note to ask about the backdrop to give herself time to calm slightly and hide her excitement. It was going to be wonderful to spend time alone with Archie away from the ward.
It was lovely to have something to look forward to, as today would have been her brother’s birthday and the first one without him was proving difficult. Phoebe had struggled all morning to keep a check on her emotions as they threatened to overwhelm her. How could Charlie be dead? He was only twenty-four, with his entire life ahead of him. His future had vanished. She swallowed the lump in her throat, suddenly desperate to get away from her colleagues for some time alone where she could regain control over her emotions. She checked the clock, relieved that she only had a few minutes to cope through until her shift ended.
* * *
As soon as she had the chance, she put her head down and, without speaking to any of the other VADs, left the ward and hurried away, stopping only to consider where to go. She couldn’t return to the dorm because she knew for certain that she would never have any peace there. So, instead she headed down the side of the building and began walking across the field behind it where many bell tents had been erected for the staff.
She thought she felt a spot of rain and put out her hand. Looking up, Phoebe saw heavy, steel-grey clouds that threatened stormy weather. She knew she shouldn’t be outside when that broke, but she kept walking, struggling to contain her upset and unsure what she was looking for, or if she should just turn around and go back to the dormitory after all. So what if she cried in front of anyone else? No, she thought. She couldn’t do that.
Finally Phoebe came across what looked to be an unused tent. One flap was tied open and the other flapping in the wind. She stepped forward and cautiously peered inside, surprised to find that apart from an unmade bed and a rickety-looking desk with a plain kitchen chair, there was little else in it. Strange, she thought, with the cramming in of medical staff and patients, that this small tent lay uninhabited. Maybe the previous occupant had left and it was waiting for the next one to arrive.
She looked behind her to check that she wasn’t being watched by anyone and, not seeing another soul nearby, Phoebe went inside. She untied the open tent flap and let it drop closed. Then, pulling out the seat, she sat at the desk, dropped her head on her arms and let her heart break all over again as her grief for her family washed over her.
Phoebe sobbed until there were few tears left, at least for now. She knew there would be more occasions – birthdays, anniversaries – when she would feel as wretched as she did today. She took her handkerchief from her skirt pocket and blew her nose.
‘Who are you and what are you doing in here?’
She gasped and looked up to find that one of the doctors had walked in. Shocked to be discovered in the tent and horrified that someone had witnessed her torrent of tears, Phoebe wiped her eyes with the backs of her fingers and took a deep breath, desperately trying to gather herself. She stood to leave but wavered as she stepped forward.
‘Hey, steady on,’ the doctor said, taking her arm and leading her back to the chair. ‘Sit there and take a moment.’ His voice sounded gentler this time and she could tell that she had shocked him by being there as much as his arrival had surprised her.
‘I … I’m terribly s-sorry,’ she said, blowing her nose once more and blinking away further tears to try and see who she was addressing. She hadn’t seen him before but he had kind, hazel eyes and wavy, sandy hair. ‘I’ll go.’
‘No, you won’t,’ he said firmly. ‘I suppose you came here for somewhere solitary to think.’
‘Something like that,’ she said. ‘I didn’t know this was anyone’s tent, otherwise I would never have presumed to enter.’
He shook his head. ‘It’s no trouble.’ He smiled at her. ‘In fact, you weren’t actually intruding, because until a couple of minutes ago this wasn’t my tent either. I’ve just arrived at the hospital.’
‘I see.’ She was surprised and relieved. ‘That does make me feel a little better.’
‘Good. I’m glad.’ He smiled at her and proffered his hand for her to shake. ‘I’m Doctor Sutherland. Geoffrey.’
She took his hand and shook it. It was firm and cold and, she realised with surprise, oddly comforting. There was something about him that made her feel safe. ‘I’m Nurse Phoebe Robertson.’ She wiped away another tear that tickled her cheek with its dampness. ‘I’m sorry again for being here when I’m sure you were hoping for a little peace.’
‘Don’t be, Nurse Robertson. Or may I call you Phoebe when we’re not on duty?’
She blinked away her surprise. ‘Yes, of course.’
‘That was rather forward of me, wasn’t it?’ He shook his head. ‘I must apologise. I’m a little rusty at expected social niceties. I’ve been living in the country far too long with my sister and seem to have forgotten how to behave.’
He gave her a friendly smile and Phoebe thought how relaxed she felt in his company. It was a comforting feeling and rather like the familiarity she felt when some of her brother’s friends used to come and visit them at home.
Geoffrey narrowed his eyes slightly. ‘I have a feeling we’re going to become good friends.’
Happy at the notion, Phoebe smiled. ‘I think so too.’
‘I’m glad.’ His smile vanished then and was replaced by a look of concern. ‘Now that we’ve established that we’re to be friends, do you think you might want to confide in me about why you were so upset?’ When she hesitated, he hurriedly added, ‘Not if you don’t want to, of course. I only want you to know you have someone to share things with, should you feel the need. I don’t wish to pry.’
She wanted to tell him about her family but knew it would only bring on fresh sobbing. ‘Thank you, but I shan’t, if you don’t mind. But it’s kind of you for caring enough to ask.’
‘Not at all.’ He thought for a moment. ‘Do you have siblings?’
She was grateful for him trying to change the subject, but wished he had chosen a different one. Reasoning that he could have also suffered some family loss, Phoebe took a deep breath, determined to remain calm.
‘Yes, one,’ she replied. ‘Celia. She’s a nurse working in the prisoner-of-war camp in Jersey.’
His eyebrows rose. ‘I didn’t realise there was one there.’
‘Nor did I until my sister told me.’ She was feeling a little better now, she realised.
‘Your sister, is she older or younger than you?’ he asked.
‘She’s younger but only by ten months. We’re quite alike in looks and are more often than not taken for twins. Celia is a trained nurse, unlike me. She’s also a little more serious about life than I am, and more cautious.’
‘Yes, well, that’s sisters for you!’ he laughed. ‘Mine worries that I think too deeply and miss out on the fun side of life.’
‘And do you?’ she asked, intrigued. ‘Miss out on fun, I mean?’ He didn’t seem to her as if he missed out on any opportunities. Hadn’t he been welcoming to her, despite his shock at finding her in his tent? That was surely an instinctive reaction rather than a deeply considered one.
‘I have done.’ He sighed and Phoebe wondered whether it might have been a matter of the heart that he had been too slow to react to, or something else entirely. ‘But I am to change that. This is a new start for me. My first time away from England, in fact.’
‘Gosh, it’s mine too.’ They seemed to be kindred spirits in several ways and his honesty only helped reassure her that they were to be good friends. Thinking of Hetty and aware that her friend might wonder where she had disappeared to, Phoebe stood. ‘I really ought to be getting along.’
‘Please don’t leave. Not just yet.’ He seemed to hesitate before pointing towards the tent flap. ‘It’s pouring out there now and you’ll only get soaked.’
She heard the heavy rapping of the rain on the canvas all around them and looked up. ‘It does sound rather heavy.’ She was sorely tempted to stay in the dry tent with Geoffrey but the thought of being discovered there worried her. She also didn’t fancy having to explain where she had been all this time to Hetty and Aggie. ‘However, if I don’t go back to my dormitory now my friends might worry and come looking for me.’
He seemed to consider her words. ‘Yes, I imagine it would be better for you not to be found here alone with me.’
She gazed down at her feet, embarrassed now to find herself in such an awkward position. ‘But thank you for being kind enough to allow me to stay for as long as you did.’ She looked him in the eye as a troubling thought occurred to her. ‘You will keep this, er, meeting between the two of us, I assume?’
He moved back to let her pass. ‘Naturally. I might be a little lax in my manners but I would never wish to compromise a lady’s integrity. Or mine.’ He gave her a friendly smile. ‘I wish I had an umbrella to offer you.’ He lifted the canvas flap and held it back for her. ‘Take care, Nurse Robertson. I hope to see you around the hospital over the coming days.’
She smiled shyly at him. ‘Good luck settling in, Doctor Sutherland.’
‘Thank you, and I hope you’re feeling a little better now.’
‘I am,’ she assured him, realising that though she did not feel much better, she was at least more in control of her emotions, and that was a relief.
She folded her arms across her chest and held onto the sides of her cloak as she braced herself to step outside. Flinching under the heavy rain, Phoebe made a run for it, hoping she wouldn’t slip as she hurried in the direction of her dormitory. She was grateful no one else seemed interested in where she might be coming from or going to, as everyone was intent on getting to where they were headed to get out of the rain, so they took no notice of her. It would be ruinous for anyone to know that she had spent time alone with the doctor in his billet.
However, she did hope she would be able to spend time chatting with Doctor Sutherland again. He seemed such a kind and decent chap and she missed having someone to confide in. She wished more than anything Celia was nearby. How was her sister coping with the run-up to their first Christmas without their parents? Was she doing better than her? Phoebe doubted it. Maybe the best thing for both of them was to keep as busy as possible. After all, what good would they be to each other if all they did was cry on each other’s shoulders? It wasn’t as if either of them could bring the rest of their family back to them.
She paused under the small overhang outside the door of the dorm, pinched her cheeks to bring a little colour into them and shook off the worst of the rain from her sodden cloak before opening the door and stepping inside.