‘Missing presumed dead?’ Phoebe stared at the telegram in her shaking fingers, unable to believe she had just read those words about her beloved Archie. ‘He can’t be.’
She felt an arm go round her shoulders. ‘I’m terribly sorry, Phoebe.’
She heard Hetty’s voice, sounding as if they were both underwater. ‘He … he can’t be. We were to be married.’
Fear of the pain she knew was coming coursed through Phoebe. Was this the period of shock before Archie’s loss hit her? She stared at the typed words before her. How had his brother known where to send this she wondered.
‘What else does it say?’ Hetty asked, her voice gentle as her hand reached out and took hold of the telegram. The paper stopped shaking and she began to read. ‘Sorry to inform Archie pronounced missing presumed dead. Wanted to let you know as soon as possible. Please send address for further information. Sincerely, Louis Bailey (Brother).’
Phoebe cried out, immediately covering her mouth with one hand.
‘Oh, Phoebe,’ Hetty said, pulling her into a tight hug. ‘I don’t know what to say.’ After a few seconds she loosened her hold and, taking Phoebe by the shoulders, held her away from her and stared into her eyes.
Phoebe stared back, unable to think what to do or say next.
‘Look,’ Hetty tapped the telegram, now scrunched in Phoebe’s right hand, her face brightening slightly. ‘It only says he’s presumed dead.’ Her mouth gave a tight smile. ‘It doesn’t say confirmed, does it?’
Phoebe mulled over Hetty’s words. She was right. ‘It doesn’t,’ she agreed, hope slowly seeping into her crushed heart. ‘Do you … do you think there’s still a chance, then, that he might be alive?’ Her hope washed away when there was an unmistakable split second of doubt in her friend’s eyes before Hetty nodded.
‘I do,’ Hetty said.
Phoebe was grateful to her friend for trying to comfort her, but she hadn’t mistaken that doubt and reasoned that the army wouldn’t return Archie’s effects to his family if they didn’t believe he was dead. Her legs gave way and she slumped onto her bed.
‘He’s gone.’
‘No. You must stay positive,’ Hetty argued. ‘Until you know for certain.’
Phoebe turned and looked at Hetty. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘About what?’
‘I don’t know what to do next,’ Phoebe whispered, opening her hand and smoothing out the telegram against her leg. ‘Or what I’ll do without him.’
Hetty’s hand rested on Phoebe’s and gave it a light squeeze. ‘What you do is break everything down into small jobs. The first thing to do is reply to his brother’s telegram.’
Hetty was right. Phoebe was grateful for her guidance. ‘Thank you, I’ll do that right now.’ She went to stand and realised she had no idea what to say. ‘And tell him what?’
‘Um … let me think. Well, you could thank him for letting you know and then ask if you could meet him.’
‘Meet him?’ Phoebe stared at her friend in horror. ‘Why would I want to do that?’
Hetty gave her a gentle smile. ‘Because you’ll be given compassionate leave for a few days, at least. I think you need that time away from all the noise around here.’
She had a point, Phoebe decided, almost convinced but not quite.
‘Ask if you can meet him and then arrange to do so. It might help you to find out more about Archie. You know, like what his family is like, that sort of thing. It …’ she hesitated, ‘… I just thought it might help you come to terms with what’s happened if you can picture more about his personal life. But it’s only a thought.’
Phoebe stared at her friend, trying to process her suggestions. Hetty was right, she decided. She had to do something and it might help her cope if she met his family and learnt more about Archie’s past and those he loved the most. ‘I will do that.’
A sudden rush of terror swept through her body as grief slammed into her. Phoebe opened her mouth to cry out, but although in her mind she was screaming, no sound came.
What was she going to do without Archie in her life? How could she even contemplate a life without him? What about the home they were planning to have? What about their babies that would now never be born?
She wasn’t aware that Hetty had moved away from her until Aggie was kneeling in front of her camp bed, gripping onto Phoebe’s wrists. Seeing Aggie’s pain-etched face snapped whatever was holding back Phoebe’s cries, and suddenly all the pain and anguish trapped inside her erupted. It was the strangest sound, one she didn’t recognise as hers. Like a terrified animal.
Phoebe felt herself being tugged forward into Aggie’s grasp. Her friend’s arms went around her back and held her so tightly, Phoebe wondered if she might stop breathing. She wished she could.
The following day Phoebe was packing her bags to leave with a group of soldiers being sent back to England. She would turn up on Jocasta’s doorstep unannounced. Her friend had offered for her to return whenever she wanted, and Phoebe was certain Jocasta would welcome her now, no matter what.
She heard the door open and close and footsteps coming closer to her, and looked up to see Aggie with something in her hand. Another telegram.
Phoebe gasped. Was it from Archie’s brother, letting her know the War Office had made a mistake? Maybe Archie was safe and well. Without waiting for Aggie to hand her the telegram, Phoebe snatched it from her friend’s fingers and ripped it open, scanning the words.
It was from Archie’s brother, but did not enclose the message she had desperately hoped to see.
Aggie gave Phoebe a questioning look.
‘Archie’s brother Louis has sent their address and invited me to go and stay with them for a few days.’
‘I’m pleased.’ Aggie smiled, relief on her pretty face.
‘But I haven’t contacted them yet,’ Phoebe said, confused. ‘I was planning to do so once I was at Jocasta’s home.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand.’ Aggie looked a little less sure of herself, Phoebe noticed. ‘Tell me.’
‘Hetty and I spoke and thought that as you were in no condition to contact anyone, we would send your reply to Louis Bailey ourselves.’ She frowned. ‘Was that wrong of us?’
Phoebe would have liked to wait until she was ready to contact Louis, but knew her friends had her best interests at heart. ‘It’s perfectly fine,’ she said, attempting to smile and not sure if she quite managed it.
‘I’m so relieved to hear you say so. Hetty wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing to do. I must admit, I was the one who persuaded her we should do it, and I would have hated to upset you, especially now.’
It was sweet of Aggie to want to take charge, Phoebe thought, and comforting to know that they were both trying to care for her. ‘You mustn’t worry about me.’
Aggie gave her a questioning look. ‘But what about Jocasta? I presume that’s where you were planning to go and stay?’
‘It was,’ Phoebe said, re-reading the telegram. ‘But I hadn’t asked her so she won’t have done anything to prepare for my arrival.’ She wondered what it would be like to visit the Bailey family. ‘Would you mind replying to this for me and letting them know I’m on my way and should be with them by …’ she gave her new journey some thought, ‘… I suppose, tomorrow afternoon?’
‘Yes, happily.’ Aggie went to leave but Phoebe called after her. ‘Would you also write to my sister, Celia?’ She rummaged around in her belongings and found her sister’s letter that she had only received the previous day.
‘Of course. What would you like me to say?’
Phoebe thought quickly. ‘Simply let her know about Archie and that I’m going to Sandsend for a few days. I’ll write to her when I’m back, or if there’s any news.’
‘No problem at all,’ Aggie said, taking the letter and pushing it into her pocket. ‘I’ll write to her immediately.’
‘Thank you.’
Phoebe watched her friend hurry out of the room, looking hugely relieved. She wasn’t ready to meet Archie’s family yet, but maybe going there immediately without giving herself too much time to think was the best thing for it. At least this way they could process the news together and maybe, she thought hopefully, she might be able to give them some of the comfort she needed so much herself at that moment.
As she bent to place her neatly folded nightdress into the open case, a fresh wave of tears overwhelmed her. Phoebe sat heavily onto her bed and sobbed. What was she thinking? How could she expect to contain her emotions while staying with Archie’s family?
Phoebe took a few minutes to regain control. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She must go, she decided. She would find a B&B before going to their home and book a room there. At least then she would have the privacy to allow her tears for Archie to flow.
Feeling a little calmer, Phoebe washed her face with cool water. It wouldn’t do to have a puffy face, especially as her travel companions were men who had been injured at the Front. Phoebe had helped care for enough of them to know that she must attempt to put on a brave face.
‘You ready, love?’ Dennis, one of the orderlies, asked as he poked his head around the door.
‘Yes, almost.’ She closed and fastened her valise. Then putting on her coat and hat, she lifted it and grabbed her handbag before walking to the door.
‘Let me take that from you,’ he said, taking the valise from her hand without waiting for a reply. He seemed a nice man and she wondered if one of her friends had told him why she had been granted leave.
‘Thank you,’ Phoebe said, following him along the walk boards to where several motor ambulances were parked, their engines running noisily as soldiers and nurses clambered up temporary wooden steps to board. Her step faltered; she wasn’t ready for this.
Dennis seemed to sense she was no longer following him and turned to her. ‘Come along, now. Let’s be ’avin’ yer. There’s no time ter waste if you lot are ter catch the train.’
Not wishing to be the cause of any delay, Phoebe forced herself to resume walking. She reached the back of the vehicle where Dennis was waiting and took his hand when he offered it to help keep her steady as she climbed up the roughly hewn steps. Once seated, he placed her bag at her feet.
‘You take care now, Nurse Robertson.’
‘I will, Dennis,’ she said. ‘Thanks for your help.’