Cornwall
Phoebe stopped by the garden gate and breathed in the fresh spring air as she turned to take in the view. As it hit the back of her throat, she closed her eyes. It felt good to be back, despite the circumstances.
And she was going to see her sister again. Finally. It had been a long four years since Celia had left to work in Jersey, but Phoebe knew that they were as close now as they had always been. They were sisters.
‘You’re here!’ Jocasta shouted from behind her, her voice taking Phoebe by surprise.
Phoebe turned to her friend and returned Jocasta’s beaming smile. ‘It’s wonderful to be back in Pennwalloe.’
Jocasta opened the gate and waved for Phoebe to join her. Phoebe willingly stepped forward and into her friend’s welcoming arms.
‘I’ve missed you so much,’ Jocasta soothed. ‘I was excited to receive your letter and Geoffrey’s arrived the following morning.’ She frowned and, taking Phoebe by her upper arms, held her at arms’ length and looked her up and down. ‘The first thing we’re going to do is help you get well again.’
‘I am well.’
Jocasta gave her a sympathetic frown. ‘I’m sure you are,’ she said, taking Phoebe’s valise in one hand before taking hold of her friend’s hand with the other and leading her inside.
* * *
‘It’s a lot warmer this time around,’ Phoebe said once they were sitting outside in the walled garden nursing cups of sweet tea. ‘I didn’t come out here then.’ She looked around at the array of roses, lavender and fuchsias brightening up the well-kept borders. ‘It’s so pretty out here.’
‘Thank you,’ Jocasta said. ‘When life seemed too difficult, sometimes I forced myself to come out here and deadhead the roses, hoe the flowerbeds, or plant seeds. I’m certain this little garden saved my life.’ She stared into space and then gasped. ‘Oh Phoebe, I shouldn’t talk that way, not when you’re going through so much.’
‘Don’t be silly. If you can’t be open with me, then I’ve failed you as a friend.’
Jocasta reached across the small metal table and gave Phoebe’s hand a light squeeze. ‘Thank you. And I hope you feel as comfortable telling me whatever you wish.’ She gave Phoebe a pointed stare. ‘And I mean anything at all. Do you hear me?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Phoebe fibbed. After all, she had no qualms being open about Archie and her feelings for him, and how lost she felt without him. She watched Jocasta telling her more about the garden and wished she could share what happened with Louis and the real reason behind the depths of her torment. Phoebe sighed deeply.
Jocasta must have heard because she turned to face Phoebe, frowning. ‘I’m sorry. Here I am, wittering on about my flowers, and you must be exhausted after travelling all the way here from France. I’m so selfish.’
Phoebe laughed. ‘You’re not at all, and don’t let me ever hear you say otherwise. I am a little tired, but I’m more excited. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for letting me come back and stay here with you and Bryony. And for generously letting me invite Celia to come here, too.’
Jocasta pulled a face. ‘Nonsense. It’s a joy having you here and I can’t wait to meet your sister. We’re going to have such fun together.’ Bryony cried and Jocasta stood. ‘I’ll go and fetch the little one while you sit out here and drink your tea. I’ll see you inside whenever you’re ready.’
‘Thank you.’
Phoebe watched her go, hearing Jocasta’s gentle soothing coming from an upstairs window shortly afterwards.
She thought of Archie, and how strange it was that the last time she was here, he was too. Her heart ached for him. She longed to hold him in her arms and breathe in the scent of his skin. ‘Oh, Archie, where are you?’
Phoebe thought she heard the doorbell ring as she took a sip of her tea, but it could have been at one of the houses either side of Jocasta’s, so she sat back in her chair and watched a robin sitting on a branch of the heavily laden apple tree. How wonderful must it be to be a bird, she thought, longing for freedom from the ties that kept her in such a low mood. To fly away the instant something frightened you.
‘Look who’s here!’ Jocasta joyfully called from behind Phoebe. She turned in her chair and saw shock register on Celia’s face for a split second before it vanished. Had she changed that much, Phoebe wondered. She supposed she must have done, to someone who hadn’t seen her for so long.
Phoebe rose to her feet and, pushing any concerns away, smiled at Celia before they met in the middle of the lawn and hugged each other tightly.
‘It’s so good to see you again,’ Phoebe said, resting her head on her sister’s shoulder. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’
‘I feel like I’m in a dream,’ Celia murmured. ‘I can’t believe I’m here with you.’
‘I’m going to leave the two of you to talk,’ Jocasta said, returning to the French doors. ‘Bryony needs feeding and then I’ll take her for a stroll. Take as long as you like and please help yourself to anything in the kitchen.’
Phoebe watched her go over Celia’s shoulder and let her arms drop from around her sister. She took a step back to take a good look at her, as Celia did the same.
‘You’ve lost too much weight,’ Celia said in her usual matter-of-fact way. Her expression softened. ‘Though I already sense that Jocasta will nurture you and make sure you’re well looked after.’
Phoebe knew this was Celia’s way of letting her know she liked Jocasta.
‘Most definitely,’ Phoebe said, indicating the table and chairs. ‘Why don’t you make yourself comfortable and I’ll make us a fresh pot of tea. Then we can talk to our hearts’ content.’
‘I am a bit parched,’ Celia said, her hand going to her throat. ‘Thanks.’
Phoebe took a few minutes to gather herself while she made the tea and placed some of Jocasta’s delicious shortbread biscuits on a plate. She had been expecting her sister to be shocked by her appearance, but she hadn’t imagined that Celia would look as drawn and worn out as she did. Not wishing to waste time that could be spent with Celia, Phoebe carried the drinks and biscuits outside to the garden.
‘Here we are,’ she said, setting everything down onto the table. ‘You have to try one of those,’ she said, pushing the plate of biscuits towards her sister. ‘Jocasta is the best baker in the world.’
Celia laughed and Phoebe was relieved to see something of the sister she recognised in her happy face. ‘The best?’
‘Tell me she isn’t when you’ve tasted them. I bet you won’t.’
Phoebe poured the tea and made small talk about the garden, both sisters sharing anecdotes about their journeys to Cornwall. Knowing they only had three days together, and some of that time would be spent with Jocasta, Phoebe decided to address the elephant in the room while it was just her and Celia. ‘I know you were shocked to see me this way,’ Phoebe said. ‘But I hadn’t expected you to look quite so … um…’ She struggled to think how to put it politely.
‘Dreadful?’
‘No, I’m the one that looks that way,’ she said, attempting a smile but failing. ‘Troubled, maybe. It must be busy working at King’s College.’
‘It is rather hectic there at the moment, with all that’s going on.’ She took a bite of one of the biscuits and sighed after swallowing. ‘It’s not work though, Phoebe. Work is what has kept me going. Not having the time or energy to lie awake at night thinking has helped me get through a difficult two years.’
‘I know. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to meet up since the funeral.’ She thought how much she had needed her sister then, but hadn’t wanted to burden her with her own troubles, when surely Celia must have had enough of her own grief to struggle through.
Celia looked downwards. ‘I’m so sorry I haven’t been around.’
The last thing Phoebe wanted was for her sister to feel any guilt. ‘It works both ways, Celia. Life hasn’t been exactly normal for any of us over the past couple of years,’ she said, determined to reassure her. ‘Anyway, I’ve been busy working, as have you, and I don’t know about you, but it helped me when I was at my lowest to have something to focus on other than myself.’ She thought back to that mind-numbing time. ‘I still sometimes think I’ve imagined losing all three of them,’ she admitted. ‘I think it was the shock of losing Mum, Dad and Charlie all at once.’
Celia took Phoebe’s hands in hers and gave them a gentle squeeze. ‘Nonetheless, we should have been together to help each other through our loss.’
Phoebe agreed. ‘It couldn’t be helped.’ She smiled, wanting their reunion to be about happy things, not their shared heartache.
‘That’s not really what I meant.’ Celia let go of her hands and withdrew them, staring at her in a strange way.
Concerned, Phoebe leaned forward slightly. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked, anxious to hear.
Celia took a moment, staring down at her hands before clasping them together. ‘I’ve got something to tell you, but I’m not sure how you’re going to react.’
‘You’re my sister and I love you,’ Phoebe said, sure nothing could ever change that fact.
‘Maybe you should listen to what I’ve got to tell you before saying anything further.’ Celia took a deep breath and, staring at the apple tree, began to speak.
Phoebe listened in stunned silence as her sister told her about falling in love with a German soldier.
A German soldier?
‘I don’t understand,’ Phoebe said, struggling to remind herself that this was her beloved sister, and how brave Celia was, sharing something this shocking.
‘When he was sent to the camp in Surrey with the other inmates from the Jersey camp, I volunteered to transfer there as one of the nurses,’ Celia said. ‘They needed fewer of us in Jersey and more in Surrey, so it made perfect sense to my superiors.’
And she could remain close to him, Phoebe thought.
‘But I don’t understand how you could even be attracted to someone like that.’
Celia stared at her silently before shrugging one shoulder. ‘If you had been the one sitting here now, saying the same thing to me, I would probably react the same way you have.’ She took a deep breath. ‘At first I was confused by my attraction to him. I couldn’t understand how I could betray British soldiers like Charlie and his friends by falling for someone like Otto.’
‘Otto?’
‘Yes, that’s his name.’
‘But you seem to have come to terms with that now, if you’re telling me you’ve fallen for him.’ Phoebe winced at the sound of accusation in her voice and immediately felt guilty. Celia couldn’t help who she fell for, any more than she could. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out that way.’
Celia stared down at her cup. ‘I know you’re shocked and most likely disgusted with me, and I can understand why.’ She looked Phoebe in the eye once more. ‘But then I tell myself that if Otto and I had met and fallen in love at any other time in history, no one would care.’ She clenched her fists together and raised them, closing her eyes tightly. ‘Why did we have to meet now, during this blasted war?’
Phoebe could see how her sister had struggled and was still trying to cope. ‘This war can’t last forever, though, can it?’ she reasoned, trying her best to reassure Celia. ‘You need to press on until it’s all over. I’m certain that if you’ve managed to do it for this long, then you can keep going for a bit longer.’ It was what she constantly had to tell herself when missing Archie became too much.
‘Thanks, Phoebe. I know I don’t have any right to ask you to understand,’ Celia said miserably. ‘Not after I was cross with you when you told me that you were falling for a patient. At least he was British.’
‘I was cross with you for a while,’ Phoebe admitted. ‘But with all that’s happened, I believe we need to grab happiness when we can.’ She rested a hand on Celia’s and felt her sister’s hand trembling under hers. ‘We both know only too well how life can change in an instant, and we’ve learnt the hard way that life is too short. I’m not going to sit here and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do where your love is concerned, Celia. You’re all the family I have left, and I’d rather accept something I don’t understand than lose you.’
‘I’m so grateful to hear that,’ Celia whispered. She looked past Phoebe towards the house, and Phoebe knew her sister was thinking of Jocasta and the loss of her husband. ‘I’m not sure everyone could get past me loving an enemy soldier.’
Phoebe knew she was right.
Celia took a deep breath and pointed at the plate of biscuits. ‘I think it’s about time I tried one of these.’ She took a bite. ‘You were right about Jocasta’s baking,’ Celia said after finishing her biscuit. She rested her hands on her lap. ‘Now, while we’re bearing our souls to each other, I want you to tell me why you’re so thin. And no excuses, because I will be able to tell if you’re keeping something from me.’
Phoebe winced.
‘We’ve been through so much together and I can’t imagine there’s anything you could do that would stop me loving you, Phoebe. Now, take a deep breath and tell me before Jocasta comes back to join us.’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Phoebe said later, having told her sister about losing Archie and then the embarrassing mix-up with Louis. ‘So many people manage their grief better than me, and I feel weak, not being able to pull myself together.’
‘But others haven’t lost their parents and brother as well as the man they hoped to have a future with, have they?’ When Phoebe didn’t reply, Celia added, ‘We, like millions of other people, have been through so much over the last four years. I think that if we can’t be kind to ourselves, then there’s something very wrong in this world.’
Phoebe knew her sister was right. ‘Thanks, Celia.’
‘Now, unless you have anything else you’d like to speak to me about…?’ Celia narrowed her eyes and grinned. ‘No? Good. Neither do I. Shall we focus on more cheerful things?’
Phoebe liked that idea. ‘Like what?’
‘When are you going to show me around this beautiful place? I’ll be back in London in three days, and I need to make the most of this fresh sea air while I can.’
‘Why don’t we start right now?’ Phoebe suggested. ‘After I’ve washed these dishes and shown you to my room. We’re sharing; I hope that’s all right.’
‘Perfect. We can talk for as long as we want without disturbing the rest of the household.’
Phoebe laughed. ‘Just like when we were children and smuggled food into the bedroom to eat when everyone else was asleep.’
Celia shrieked with laughter. ‘Only we had always eaten all the treats we had pinched from Mother’s pantry by seven o’clock.’
‘They were good times, weren’t they?’ Phoebe asked wistfully.
‘The best.’
Phoebe looked into her sister’s tired eyes. ‘Maybe the best is yet to come for us,’ she suggested, hoping she was right.