17
Within minutes of Smug’s pawology demonstration, Penelope Smythe was at the door, looking breathless.
‘I’m so sorry I’m late,’ she said, as she plonked her shopping bags down on the salon floor. ‘Sukie was giving me the runaround in the park! I didn’t think I was going to be able to catch her. Oh my, I do feel rather stressed. Could I sit down for a moment?’
Tallulah wiggled her eyebrows at Pippa and said, ‘Our first reflexology customer, wouldn’t you say?’
‘Stressed out and exhausted from chasing a doolally saluki,’ said Smug, making a couple of discreet notes on his little pad. ‘I think our machine will know exactly what to do.’ He glanced quickly in Dash’s direction, but the miniature dachshund was deeply asleep by now and was snoring contentedly.
Pippa followed Smug’s gaze and laughed. ‘If you can make Dash relaxed after the mood he’s been in recently, I’m sure you can help Penelope.’ Then turning to Penelope she said, ‘We’ve got just the thing to make you feel better.’ And she explained about the newly adapted machines.
‘It does sound marvellous,’ Penelope said. ‘I could do with a massage.’ She rolled her neck to show how stiff she was feeling.
‘You will go all sleepy,’ Pippa promised, showing her to the chair. ‘It’s lovely! You’ll soon forget about the stressful morning you have had.’
Penelope had just got comfortable and was ready for the treatment to begin when the doorbell went again.
‘Oh dear, I think our appointments schedule has got messed up,’ said Pippa. She leafed quickly through the large black ledger where all the appointments were written. ‘Great,’ she sighed. ‘Marble is due now. I expect even the machine’s marvellous makeover has worn off already. It would be her, wouldn’t it?’
‘Never mind,’ said Smug. He pushed his spectacles up his flat little nose. ‘We can do them both at once, thanks to my adjustments. Tally and I will get Sukie ready while you go and answer the door to Marble.’
Pippa skedaddled down the hallway in answer to the ever more persistent ringing of the doorbell.
‘About time too,’ said Marble Wainwright, her potatoey face scrunched up into a sour sneer of disapproval. ‘It’s not very professional to keep your customers waiting, young lady.’
Pippa fixed a fake smile on to her face and said, ‘Come in.’
If anyone could do with being sent to sleep by the new machine, it’s Marble, she thought, as she led her into the salon. It would shut her up so I wouldn’t have to listen to her moany old voice, for one thing.
‘My, my,’ said Marble sarcastically. ‘We are going to town on the whole technology thing, aren’t we?’
‘Yes, we are,’ Pippa snapped. And seeing as how you were so happy last time, I can’t see that you have anything to complain about, she thought. But fixing the fake smile back on to her face she said, ‘Please do take a seat next to Penelope, Marble.’
‘Don’t you want to know what style I want?’ said the sour-faced lump.
Pippa nodded to Smug and said to Tallulah, ‘I’ll just get Snooks settled with Sukie. If you two – I mean, could you help make sure the two ladies are ready, Tally?’
‘Certainly,’ said Tallulah. And she flicked a switch.
The white-gloved hands shot out and began kneading Marble’s knobbly old shoulders.
‘Harrumph,’ snorted Marble. ‘Well, it’s quite nice, I suppose. I hope this thing is not going to massage my feet though,’ she added crossly. ‘I can’t stand anyone touching my feet.’
Pippa eyed the grumpy woman’s lumpy black shoes and thought, if Marble’s feet are anything like as potatoey as her face, I don’t think anyone would want to massage them.
But soon the machine was working its magic and Marble was smiling dreamily. ‘I – oh, that’s a bit better . . . Hmmm,’ she said.
‘Ahhh,’ sighed Penelope, as she too began her treatment.
‘Oooow!’ Snooks whined, as he looked up in alarm at the sink plunger which was descending towards him.
‘Rufff!’ agreed Sukie, as the sink plunger seemed to sprout a twin which made its way to her silky head.
But even they were soon almost purring with pleasure as their pawology sessions began.
In fact, everyone in the room was so content that that is quite probably why no one was prepared for what happened next.
WHOOSH! BELCH! BLEURGH!
There was an explosion of the most worrying noises, followed by an eruption of paper which shot out of the machines, hitting the ceiling like fireworks and falling in a cascade so that everyone could plainly read the words which streamed over the surface of the printout.
‘Oh no!’ cried Pippa, as she realized what the words said. ‘Can’t you stop it?’
But it was too late! Penelope’s thoughts were there in large type for everyone to read:
‘WHAT? How dare you –!’ shrieked Marble, as she read the words falling in front of her eyes.
‘Smug?’ said Tallulah, a note of panic rising in her voice. ‘I think something’s gone wrong.’
‘Dash! Dash!’ cried Pippa, shaking the little dachshund. ‘I need your help.’
But Dash could not be woken.
‘What have you done to him?’ Pippa shouted at Smug. She was beginning to see that her poochy friend must have been right about the machines all along. ‘Oh, Dash,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry! I should have listened to you!’
‘Don’t panic,’ the pug yelped, running round and round the machines, flicking switches and pulling levers. ‘Don’t panic!’
‘Why don’t you take your own advice and stop and think about what you’re doing?!’ Pippa yelled.
Next, to add to the confusion, Sukie and Snooks had started up an alarming racket too. Pippa rushed to their sides just as more paper was catapulted out of the printer. The thoughts of Sukie and Snooks, and unfortunately Marble too, were now pouring out in huge letters, there for all to see:
‘Well!’ cried Penelope indignantly. ‘That’s ripe, coming from you!’
‘Let me at her!’ growled Marble, struggling to reach Penelope.
‘SMUG, DO SOMETHING!’ yelled Pippa at the top of her lungs.
And then lots of things happened at once.
Smug was grabbed by yet more mechanical hands, which had appeared seemingly from nowhere, and was thrown right out of the window; Penelope’s head was held in a vice-like grip while the hands which had been massaging her began rubbing vigorously at her face (to wipe the smile off presumably) and Marble was lashed to her seat with a long length of rope and an entire bottle of shampoo was dumped on to her head in one go!
Pippa felt her chest tighten as she watched.
‘What’s happening?’ she cried above the screaming and the shouting and the clanking of machinery. She knew she should do something, but she could not think what. Her brain had frozen and her legs and arms had turned to lead. She was rooted to the spot.
Where was Tallulah? Pippa whirled around to find her friend among the chaos, but all she could see was whirring machinery and frenzied customers shrieking and wailing as they were pummelled and pushed and thumped around by the monstrous inventions.
Then, just as suddenly as the commotion had started, it all stopped. The white-gloved hands dropped limply to the sides of the machines, the flashing lights were extinguished and the horrible noises ceased. Pippa could hear her heart banging against her ribs. Marble and Penelope had both fainted and the dogs were simply whimpering softly, cowering in their places on the dog-grooming machine. The eerie calm was suddenly broken by a loud yawn from somewhere near Pippa’s feet.
‘Yaaaaawwwn! Ah, that’s better,’ said a familiar voice. ‘I must say, one does feel so much better after a good kip.’
‘Dash?’ whispered Pippa, crouching down to her old friend. She held out her arms and the little dog jumped into them.
‘Hello!’ he said cheerily. Then, ‘Oh. My. Goodness!’ he yelped, as he took in the scene of devastation. ‘What on earth has gone on here?’
‘That’s just what I was going to ask,’ said another familiar voice. It was Mrs Fudge, who had been woken up from her nap by all the fuss.
‘Oh, Mrs Fudge . . . Dash . . . I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’ wailed poor Pippa. She put her face in her hands and wept. ‘I should have listened to you. I should never have used these machines—’
‘You’re telling me, young lady!’ said a deep, gravelly voice.
At that, everyone spun around. Standing in the door behind Mrs Fudge was a very tall, spindly old man with a round red-bearded face which was crowned with crazy, bouncy, fluffy red hair, in which were nestled several pairs of black-framed spectacles. The man was wearing a white coat of the sort hospital doctors have, except that his was covered in pockets, which were stuffed full of notebooks, pens, pencils and rulers. Pippa realized she knew exactly who he was.
‘Wh-who are you?’ stammered Mrs Fudge.
‘I am Professor Foghorn,’ said the man. ‘But more to the point, who are you? And what have you done with my Mesmerizing Mind Machine? It’s barely recognizable in that state. And I suppose you have made off with my Bubble-Car-Scooter-Mobile as well!’
