Apparently, it was rather fucking hard. I mean, there were still a lot of guys in Hartford whose dicks I hadn’t seen, but thinking any of them were worthy of William Parkinson was the difficult part.
I wanted the best for him. This wasn’t for some random one-night stand. This was looking for boyfriend material, and that was a different set of criteria all together.
They had to be worthy.
By the time Friday night came around, and after we’d ordered in pizza, Will was sitting on my sofa going through the short list of possibly suitable guys.
“You can’t be serious,” he said. “What makes you think you have any say in who I date?”
“Well,” I answered from the kitchen. “I’m not letting my best friend go out with just anyone.”
“And if I happen to like a guy, but you don’t?”
“See, that’s why I’m picking him,” I explained. “I know what you like. The guy has to work, love Italian food and foreign films. God, I’ve even factored in your crap taste in music.”
“Yeah, thanks,” he mumbled.
“I’ve got a list of guys for you, in no particular order. I asked around, a friend of a friend kind of thing. The first two on the list are friends of my cousin,” I told him.
“You’re unbelievable,” he replied, as though me being unbelievable was an insult.
“I know, right? What would you do without me?”
Will sighed. “I’m not that desperate, you know. I don’t really need you to find me someone.”
I finished clearing up the dirty plates and walked out to the living room. I sat down beside him. “I just want you to be happy, Will.”
“I am,” he said quietly. “I just…”
“You’re not that happy, are you?” I asked. “Is it being back here? In Hartford? It’s been a year.”
Will shrugged, but before he could say anything else, the doorbell intercom buzzed.
I patted my hand on his knee, walked to the intercom, and pressed the button that released the door downstairs. I heard footsteps and, knowing who would be standing on the other side, before I opened it I said, “You can only come in if you’re both gorgeous.”
Carter’s voice answered. “Just open the door, Mark.”
I pulled open the door and grinned as soon as I saw them. “Hey!” I hugged Carter first, like always. It had been six months since I’d seen him. “Oh my God, I’ve missed you,” I said.
He was holding an overnight bag, so the hug was kind of awkward, but then I let go of him to hug Isaac. I took his hand and led him inside, knowing Carter would follow. “Come in.” When we got to the living room, Will was standing up in front of the sofa. “I’d like you to meet my best friend. Isaac Brannigan, this is Will Parkinson,” I said, introducing them. “And this is Brady the wonder dog and, of course, my ex-best-friend-because-he-left-me, Carter Reece.”
I’d told Will all about Carter and Isaac and about Isaac being blind, and he took the introduction really well. He shook Isaac’s hand and then Carter’s. “You’re the two I’ve been hearing all about.”
“All good, I hope,” Isaac said with a smile.
“Of course,” Will answered.
I gave Carter another hug. “It’s so good to have you here,” I told him. “I’ve missed you. Both of you,” I said, including Isaac.
“I hope we didn’t interrupt anything…” Carter trailed off suggestively, looking between me and Will.
“Oh, Will should be so lucky,” I told them with a laugh. “I was just actually trying to sort out his potential boyfriend list.”
Will sighed loudly. “Mark seems to think I need boyfriend and that he needs to be the one to choose the lucky guy.”
“Well, he needs to be good enough,” I said, defending myself.
Will smiled at Carter. “It’s not embarrassing at all.”
Carter laughed and put his arm around my shoulder. “Sounds like nothing’s changed.”
Still staring at Carter, Will asked, “Was he like this with you?”
“All the time.”
“Hey now,” I interrupted them. “You two are supposed to just get along, not gang up on me.” I left Carter and walked over to Isaac, sliding my arm around him and nuzzling his neck. “They’re picking on me already.”
Isaac laughed. “You just wanted to smell me, didn’t you?”
“Absolutely,” I admitted without shame. “You always smell so good.”
“Mark,” Carter warned. “Hands.”
I pulled away from hugging Isaac and slid my arm around his waist instead. “How was your trip, guys?” I asked. “Sit down and tell me, what was the point of this little trip back to ye olde Hartford?”
Then Carter said, “Isaac, should I tell him or show him?”
“Show me what?” I asked excitedly.
“You go sit down,” Carter said. “I’ll grab it. It’s in our bag.”
I led Isaac and Brady to the sofa. As we sat down, I asked, “How did Brady travel?”
“Oh, he was fine. Slept most of the way,” Isaac said. “We only had to stop once so he didn’t pee in the Jeep.”
I smiled and squeezed his hand. “You look really good, Isaac,” I told him. “You look happy.”
“I am,” he said simply.
“And Carter’s so in love it makes me nauseous,” I added, smiling at my friend as he walked back toward us.
Isaac laughed, and when Carter sat down, he was grinning. “Here, Mark. This is for you.”
I took the thick envelope, and dropping Isaac’s hand, I opened it. I pulled out the black and white thick paper. It was folded, and when I opened it to read it, I saw it was an invitation.
Carter and Isaac’s wedding invitation.
It was folded like a book. On one side was handwriting, on the other was Braille. Carter Reece and Isaac Brannigan would be honored…
I threw myself at Carter, hugging him. “Oh my God. That’s so great!” I told him. I was surprised by how emotional I got. I mean, I knew they were getting married. I was there when Isaac proposed—I helped him buy the rings, for God’s sake—and they’d talked about and had been planning bits and pieces, so I shouldn’t have been so surprised. “It’s wonderful,” I said again.
It was then I noticed Will looking at me a little oddly, probably wondering what on earth was going on. I handed him the invitation and sat myself back next to Isaac.
“We wanted to hand deliver yours,” Carter said. “Plus I wanted to show Isaac around Hartford. You know…”
“Because all things from Hartford are awesome,” I finished for him.
Isaac laughed. “Yeah, so Carter keeps saying.”
“It’s true,” I said. “Isn’t it, Will?”
Will didn’t answer me, so I looked at him in time to see as he ran his finger over the Braille side of the invitation. When he looked up, he looked straight at me.
“It’s pretty cool, huh?” I asked.
He nodded. “It’s incredible.”
Carter smiled proudly. He really did look very happy. “You knew we’d talked about the date, but it’s now official. You have two months to rent a tux.”
“And I’m still not Best Man?” I asked with a sniff.
Carter had told me earlier, it was nothing personal, but he wouldn’t need me to stand beside him in the ceremony. He and Isaac had decided they’d walk down the aisle together, stand together, and walk out together. With Brady, of course.
“No, Mark,” Carter said with a resigned sigh. “Your awesomeness will be required to attend and be handsome, but that’s all.”
“Well, that’s a given,” I said. Will stood up, and on his way to the kitchen, he handed me the invite. As soon as I saw it, I caught something I hadn’t noticed before. Not just my name, but what was written after it.
I looked back at Carter and Isaac. “What do you mean ‘Mark Gattison and friend’?”
“Well, it was nicer than writing ‘plus one’,” Isaac said.
“Or ‘regular fuck’,” Carter added.
Isaac hissed at Carter, presumably for the language. But I didn’t care about that. “A date?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes, Mark,” Carter said slowly. “Someone you’ve probably been out with more than once.”
Will snorted from the kitchen. “Good luck with that.”
I glared at him, then had a great idea. “You!”
“Me, what?” Will asked.
“You’ll be my date!”
“I’ll what?” he asked again.
“You can come with me,” I told him. “To Boston. To the wedding.”
“As your date?”
“You don’t have to put out or anything,” I told him. “I’m sure we won’t be the only four guys there that do guys.”
Will rolled his eyes, then looked at Carter. “See what I have to put up with?”
“Better you than me,” he replied. “I did my time in your shoes.”
I sighed dramatically. “Isaac, they’re picking on me again.”
Will came back with drinks for everyone, putting three beers on the coffee table, but he put one in Isaac’s hand. “Can I get you guys something to eat?” Will asked. “Mark here forgot his manners.”
“No, I didn’t,” I argued with Will. “Carter’s like you. He helps himself in my house.”
Will ignored me. “There’s fresh pizza we ordered tonight. I can heat that for you if you want?”
“No, we’re fine,” Carter said with a smile. “We grabbed something on the way. Thank you anyway, Will.”
“Thought someone here should be a good host,” he said, sitting back in the sofa and taking a mouthful of beer.
“Is it the International Pick on Mark Gattison Day today?” I asked. “Because I missed the memo.”
“Only important people got it,” Will said without missing a beat. “Actually, I think it was classified.”
I looked at Carter and sighed. “See what I have to put up with?”
Isaac laughed. “Are you sure there’s nothing more between you two?” he asked. “You sound like you’re married.”
“No, Will here has the prestigious honor of being my friend,” I said. “Actually, Will’s the closest thing I have to a best friend since Carter here decided to leave me and fall in love.”
“Who the hell else could put up with you?” Will said with a smile. “There’s not room for anyone else in your life besides you and your ego.”
I pouted. “Aw, Will, don’t be like that. I might start to think you don’t love me.”
Isaac snorted. “And what’s not to love?”
“Exactly!” I said, taking a mouthful of my beer. “That’s what I keep telling him.”
Carter put his feet up on my coffee table and swigged his beer. “Will, tell me about you. How did you have the misfortune of meeting Mark?”
“We work together,” Will answered.
I elaborated. “We share a cubicle wall.”
“How is the world of cable engineering?” Carter asked.
“Absolutely riveting,” Will answered flatly.
“Busy,” I added. “Same shit, different day.” When I’d gone to university to study engineering, it wasn’t exactly where I saw myself headed. But, it paid the bills and then some, and in this city that was a blessing. “How’s school, Isaac?”
“Great,” he answered. “I love it.”
“Tell me, how’re Hannah and Carlos doing?” I asked. “And that gorgeous little Ada?”
“She’s walking now,” Carter said with a grin. “She’s a cheeky thing. Full of mischief. She’s such a Brannigan.”
Isaac chuckled. “They’re all fine. Hannah said to say hi.”
“And Brady?” I asked. The dog’s ears picked up and his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth.
Isaac’s free hand automatically went to the dog’s head, scratching him softly. “He’s great,” he said. “Don’t know where I’d be without him.” Then Isaac tilted his head. “Literally. No clue where I’d be.”
I laughed. “Oh my God, Isaac. Did you just make a blind joke?”
Will narrowed his eyes at me, as though I shouldn’t say such things. But Carter shook his head with a smile. Looking at Will, he pointed between me and Isaac. “These two are trouble when you put them together.”
I stood up and asked Isaac for his hand.
“What for?” he asked, but held up his hand anyway.
“We’re going to dance,” I told him. “Like we always do.”
I pulled him to his feet and led us to a more open space near the kitchen. When I pulled him against me and slid my arm around his back, he said, “You just wanted to smell me again, didn’t you.”
“Shh,” I hushed him, loud enough for Carter to hear. “Or Carter will be on to us.”
“Just keep your hands above the belt, Gattison,” Carter warned.
Will finished his beer. “Well, it’s been a pleasure,” he said. “But I’ll let you guys have some catch-up time.”
I stopped moving my feet. “Will, don’t go. You can stay.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said, getting to the front door. “I’m tired, and I’ll see you all in the morning anyway.” Then he looked at Carter. “God knows what he has planned for us.”
Carter quickly got to his feet. “I’ll walk down with you,” he told Will. “Isaac, I’ll just take Brady down for a pee before it gets too late.”
“Okay,” Isaac answered from my arms. When the door closed behind them, Isaac just kept moving his feet, slowly dancing. “So, Will seems like a nice guy.”
“He’s great,” I agreed. “Puts up with my shit, anyway.” Isaac was quiet for a second, though he never stopped dancing. “You and Carter seem happy. Well, I can tell you Carter certainly does. He hasn’t stopped smiling since he got here.”
Isaac stopped moving then. “He is. So am I.” Then he sighed, “I’ll admit, when he first wanted us to go to counseling together, I just did it to make him happy. He wanted it, and I’d been so horrible to him I would have done anything to make it up to him…”
“But?”
“But it really was the best thing,” he said quietly. “For me, for us. We talk more, about everything. I think I can safely say I’m the luckiest man on the planet because I have him.”
“He is kinda cool,” I admitted with a smile, knowing Isaac would hear it in my tone. “Don’t tell him I said that.”
Isaac laughed. “I’m totally telling on you.”
I pulled him against me and started to dance again. “Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be? You’re on his side now.”
“Completely,” Isaac said, almost dreamily.
While we were talking about mushy stuff, I said, “And the big wedding, huh?”
Isaac smiled at the mention of it. “I can’t wait.”
“Oh God,” I said with a groan. “You’ve become one of those sappy, I’m-so-in-love kind of people.”
He sighed loudly. “Yeah, it’s disgraceful, isn’t it?”
“Utterly appalling.”
Isaac kept on slow dancing, though he never lowered his hands to my ass, which was quite disappointing. “I never thought I’d have that, with anyone,” he said. “Let alone with someone like Carter.”
“Have what?”
“That kind of love,” he said simply. “It’s just so… absolute. You know that warmth in your chest, that knowing, that you’ve found the one.”
I stopped dancing and pulled back a bit so I could see his face. “Well, no… I don’t know what that’s like.”
Isaac tilted his head. “You’ve never been in love?”
“Every Friday and Saturday night,” I told him. “For about half an hour.”
Isaac smiled, just as Carter and Brady came back inside. Carter was mumbling about the cold when he stopped and looked at us. “Still dancing?”
“If that’s what you’d call it,” I said. “I think Isaac just wanted to feel my ass.”
Isaac pushed me on the shoulder. “I did not.”
Carter laughed and as he unclipped Brady, I said to him, “Come on, Car. Your man here needs you. I told him my ass is not his to feel.”
I stepped away and Carter took my place. He slipped his arms around Isaac, and Isaac all but melted into him with a quiet sigh.
It was very different to how I’d just danced with him. They held onto each other, like really held on with their hands almost gripping each other, as though they were holding on for dear life.
I fell back onto the sofa, picked up my beer, and took a mouthful.
Had I ever known love like that?
No.
Did I want to know love like that?
No.
I didn’t. I didn’t want to depend on someone else like that. I didn’t want to trust anyone else; I didn’t want to lose any part of myself.
I took another mouthful of beer, draining the bottle, and convinced myself I didn’t need what they had. I didn’t need love absolute, as Isaac had called it. I didn’t need the love of someone else to validate myself.
I didn’t want the complication. I didn’t want the inevitable breakup and the subsequent heartache. I picked up Will’s abandoned half-empty beer and took a mouthful of it. I just needed casual sex with strangers. That’s all I’d ever need, I thought to myself as I finished Will’s beer and watched Carter and Isaac slow dance in my living room.