I bolted upright and pulled the blanket off my head. “Will?”
He was sitting on my bed right next to me. I think he was trying not to smile. “Were you really hiding under your blankets?”
“It’s my cocoon of self-pity.”
Will smiled and looked down at his hands. “Carter came to see me,” he said.
I looked to the open door where Carter stood. He smiled at me, and I looked back at Will, a little stunned. “Really? I thought he went to get gas.” I looked back to Carter. “I thought you went to get gas.”
“You wouldn’t get out of bed,” Carter said. “I had to do something.”
I looked back at Will, excited that he was here, but nervous too. He looked at me too, and for a long moment, neither of us spoke. Then he looked down at his hands again. “Can we talk?”
I nodded, but before I could say anything, Carter walked into the room. “Mark, we have to get going. We need to get home.”
I tried to get up, but was tangled in sheets and blankets and I almost fell off the bed. Carter bit back a grin. “Don’t get up.”
I kicked my leg until I was free of my covers. “I’ll walk you out,” I told him. I looked back at Will. “You’ll stay while I say goodbye to them?”
“Of course,” he said.
We walked out to the living room, where I hugged Isaac, then Carter. “Thank you both for everything.”
Carter hugged me again and whispered in my ear. “You’ll be okay.”
I pulled back and nodded. I gave Brady a big hug and told him to look after Isaac, and with promises to call them later that night, I thanked them again and told them I’d see them in Boston in a week and a bit.
Then Carter looked at Will. He smiled and extended his hand, which Will shook. With a nod, something unsaid passed between them, and then Carter and Isaac left.
And then it was just me and Will.
I looked around my apartment, realizing that Carter and Isaac must have tidied up for me, and then I looked down at myself. I was still wearing my suit pants and shirt, which were now creased, and I was still wearing socks. I don’t even remember taking my shoes off. I tried patting my down my hair. “God, I’m a mess.”
We both stood in my living room, neither of us sure what to say. So I figured I’d start. “Will, I’m sorry,” I said.
He stared straight at me. “Is what you said earlier true?”
With my heart in my throat, I nodded. “Yes.”
“All of it?”
I nodded again. “Even the rambling bits that made no sense.”
Will smiled at that. “I always understand your ramblings.”
“I know you do. You’re the only one who ever did. I used to confuse Carter.”
Will’s lips twisted in a bit of a smile. “He came to see me,” he said again. “Carter did. He said he thought I should know that you weren’t coping very well.”
I shrugged. “I, um… yeah, that’s probably true.”
“He said you thought you were having heart problems, cardio-something.”
“Cardiomyopathy,” I corrected him. I put my hand over my heart. “I’m still not sure it’s right. It kind of hurts to breathe, and it made me feel sick.”
Will was smiling now.
“It wasn’t funny,” I told him. “I thought I was dying.”
He took a few slow steps toward me. “Did you really hide under your blankets?”
“See, there’s no way I can answer that without losing some manly credibility,” I said.
He took another step closer. “He said he was worried about you. That’s why he and Isaac drove from Boston. He said he spoke to you on the phone and you sounded awful.”
“I thought I was dying,” I said again, though it was softer this time. “I thought I’d lost you and it… almost killed me.”
Will stepped right up close so I could feel the heat of his body against mine, and my words died in my throat. His eyes were intense and my heart was hammering, and when his hand touched the side of my face, I thought my heart might burst in my chest. “So you really meant what you said before?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes.” It was then I noticed he was still wearing the bracelet I bought him. I lifted my hand to his and touched the leather band. “You never took it off.”
He shook his head slowly. “I couldn’t.”
I swallowed hard, and when he put his hand back to my face, I leaned into the palm of his hand and sighed. “Will…”
“I’ve waited twelve months to do this right,” he whispered. Then he leaned in slowly, so his lips were almost touching mine, and then oh-so-lightly, he kissed me. My eyes fluttered closed and my breath caught and my heart just about stopped.
His lips were warm and open, and his hand slid around my jaw and he kissed me, slow and sweet. When he pulled back, it took a while for me to open my eyes, but when I did, he was smiling.
I wanted to tell him something amazing, something profound. Instead, I said, “My knees feel funny.”
Will laughed, and this time, I put my hands to his face and kissed him, deeper, longer. I opened his lips with my own and teased his tongue with mine. He moaned and the sound of it tightened the knots in my belly. And when the kiss simmered, I slid my arms around his waist and buried my face in his neck.
There was nothing, nothing, that compared to that moment.
“My God, Will,” I said, breathing in his scent. My hands ran up his back and I held him tighter. “I can’t believe it. I don’t…” I pulled back so I could see his face. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know the first thing about being a boyfriend, if that’s what I am, or maybe I shouldn’t have said that—oh my God, is that embarrassing? Should I be embarrassed?”
Will pecked his lips to mine to shut me up. “No, it’s not embarrassing. You ramble when you’re nervous. It’s cute.”
I took a step back from him, but took his hand and led us to the sofa.
“Will, can we talk about this?” I asked. “I need to say sorry. I need to apologize for not knowing. I wish I knew. I wish I’d known twelve months ago, when we first met, that you liked me that way.”
Will looked down at our joined hands. “You would have run a mile.”
I shook my head quickly, then realizing he was probably right, I gave him a bit of shrug. “I’m not running now.”
Will looked at me and smiled. “No, you’re not.” He bit his lip. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Is this really what you want?” he asked, looking again at our hands. “I mean, it wasn’t three days ago.”
“I didn’t know what it was three days ago,” I told him honestly. “I mean, seeing you with Clay or even with that Grant guy or Jayden fucking killed me, but I just thought I was feeling left out or something. It wasn’t until you ran out of Kings and told me you didn’t want to be friends anymore that I really fell apart.” I shrugged. “I didn’t know what it was or why I felt so bad. I told Carter my heart hurt, and that’s when he and Isaac explained to me what it was and why I felt so bad.”
“You had no clue?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never been in love before…”
Will licked his lips, the way he did when he was nervous. “And you’re in love now?”
I grinned at him. “Well, it’s either that or I have some rare condition that gives heart palpitations and wobbly knees when I look at you.”
“Is that your cardiomyopathy?”
I nodded. “It was almost fatal. Very serious.”
“Miraculous recovery,” he said.
I smiled at him, but then I told him seriously, “Will, I want to make things right with you. I want this. I want there to be an us. I don’t really know how to make that work, because I’ve never had to before—I’ve never wanted to before—but I want to now, and I’m sure I’ll fuck something up, but you’ll tell me because you’ve always told me when I fuck something up. And maybe that’s the best part of falling in love with your best friend, because you know me so well.”
“You’re rambling again.”
“I can’t help it. I’m waiting for you to tell me no.”
Will sat back on the sofa, folded one leg under the other, and turned so he faced me. “Mark, I’m not saying no. But we need to talk about this.”
I nodded quickly. “I know. And I know I might not like a lot of it. If the way I felt these last few days is how you felt for most of the last year… God, all I can say is I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t know. I don’t blame you for that,” he said. “But I went on those dates with other guys to see if you’d care enough to stop me.”
“I didn’t know why I was so jealous,” I told him. “I know that sounds stupid. How could I not know?” I asked rhetorically. “And maybe I’ve felt something for a while. I’ve not been with anyone for a long while. I just haven’t been interested. And then the other night in the back room of the club. God, you have no idea how sorry I am about that.”
Will gave me a sad smile. “That was the last straw for me,” he said quietly. “To watch you… like that…”— he dropped to a whisper—“when you came”—he shivered—“and it was like some game to you.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t a game. My head had been all over the place and it’d been so long since… well, it’d been six months since I’d had any kind of encounter with someone and then finally getting you back in my life and too many drinks and then getting to tell Clay I’d cheerfully cut his hands off, well, it was all just too much. I needed some kind of… release. And I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said quietly. “We can’t change what happened.”
“I’m still sorry,” I told him. “And like I said before, I know what it means now. When people say they’d do anything for the people they care about, I know what that means. I used to think Carter and Isaac were crazy going through everything they went through, I mean, they went through hell and are now happily going through couples therapy to make things right. But I get it now. Will, I’d do anything to make things right with you.”
Will’s lip curled in a half smile. “Well, I don’t think we need couples therapy. Yet. I mean, when we spend two days arguing about things like superhero capes, we might want to reconsider.”
I played with his fingers, and when I looked at him I couldn’t help but smile. “Can I kiss you again? Because that kiss before was pretty damn amazing.”
He grinned at me and leaned in, so leaving his hands on his leg, I cupped his face and softly pressed my lips to his. I teased his lips with mine, barely kissing him, and his scent still filled my head. I kissed him a little harder then, slowly tasting his tongue. Will touched my arm, my neck, then my face and we kissed until my head spun.
I pulled my mouth from his to take in some air, and keeping my forehead pressed to his, I said, “Jesus, Will.”
He smiled and licked his wet lips. “I’ve dreamed of kissing you, of holding hands with you for the longest time,” he whispered. He closed his eyes. “I tried to move on, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what else to do. I quit my job, Mark. I gave notice on my place.”
“You were really leaving?” I asked. Then it occurred to me. Oh fuck. “Are you still leaving?”
Will looked at me for a long moment. “I was. I really was going. Now I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re staying here,” I told him. “I don’t just mean Hartford, I mean here, in my apartment. Just for the next week or so. Then I have four weeks off in Boston, house-sitting for Carter and Isaac. You can stay with me there. We’ll walk Missy, Carter’s dog, and the cat hates me but he might like you, and we can sleep in and swim and look around the city.”
“You put in for vacation time when I was with Clay,” he said quietly. It wasn’t a question.
I nodded. “Yeah, I did. I couldn’t stand to watch you be so happy with him. It was killing me, but I didn’t know why. I thought you could do without me for a while.”
Will sighed deeply. “It was a pretty fucked-up couple of weeks, wasn’t it? With us not talking and that.”
“It was horrible,” I agreed, remembering how I’d felt without him. “I can’t believe you were really going to leave.”
“Even after you came around to see me this morning and I yelled at you,” he said, “I was still leaving. I thought you just didn’t want to lose me as a friend, and I just couldn’t go through it all again. I’d been in love with you pretty much since the day I met you, and I couldn’t just be ‘friends’ anymore.” He took my hand in both of his. “Even when you said you had feelings for me, after I’d waited so long to hear you say that, I just thought it still wasn’t real. I thought if you didn’t love me the day before, how could you love me now. It wasn’t until Carter called around to talk to me that I believed you.”
To hear him say that stung a little, but I guessed it was a fair reaction, all things considered. I still could hardly believe Carter went to see him. “What did Carter say?”
Will smiled at me. “I told him that I didn’t see what could change in a day to make you love me now when you didn’t the day before. And he said everything had changed.
“He said everything for you had changed. He said you realized that what you thought was just a friendship was really something more, but you just wouldn’t admit it,” Will said. “Then he reminded me that you’d never really been in love before, and that I knew you better than anyone, himself included. He asked me if I honestly thought you would lie about that, and I knew you wouldn’t. Carter told me he’s known you for years, and he didn’t think he’d ever see the day when you would be in love.” Then Will chuckled, “He thought you were in love with me when he and Isaac visited last time, but he said it was Isaac who picked up on it first. Apparently your voice changes when you talk to me. I’m not sure how that works, but that’s what he said.”
“My voice changes?”
“Yep, you can add that to your cardio problems, knee problems—”
I finished for him. “Head-spinning problems, tummy butterflies, nausea, not being able to eat, and now voice-changing problems? Jeez, this whole romance thing is bad for your health.”
Will laughed and shook his head at me. “I still can’t believe you thought you were dying. I think you could add hypochondriac to that list.”
“I had a cocoon on my bed from two days of wallowing, but Isaac made me wash it. Apparently it stunk.”
Then Will leaned back on the sofa and let his head fall back with a sigh. “I still have two weeks on the lease on my place, so I don’t need anywhere to stay right now,” he said. I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, even though I knew him living here was ludicrous considering we’d only technically been together for about twenty minutes.
I think Will liked my disappointment, because he smiled when he said, “But I could come to Boston.”
“Really?” I asked with a ridiculous grin. “You’ll come? It’ll be so much fun. Just us for four weeks.” Then I remembered something. “Oh, the wedding… Will you come to that too, please? Please say you’ll come to that.”
Will grinned at me, the kind where his eyes crinkled at the sides. “You’re really excited, aren’t you?”
I bounced a little in my seat. “I am. I’m kind of so happy it’s absurd.” And then I laughed at myself and I could feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
Will’s hand came up and touched the warmth on my face, and he stared at me for a long moment. “You’re really here, aren’t you?” he whispered. “With me.”
I smiled into the palm of his hand. “I really am.”
Just when I thought it was pretty fucking perfect, Will said, “Mark, I don’t think we should have sex.”
Slowly, I sat up straight and looked at him. “Well, that was random, but okay, if that’s what you want.”
He blushed this time. “I mean, I want to have sex with you, I really do, but I think we should wait,” he clarified.
“Oh.”
“I just don’t think we should rush into anything,” he said quickly. “I just think if we start having sex, we won’t stop, and I want us to talk first. I think we need to talk about stuff, and I know that sounds mushy and shit, but I don’t want to fuck this up just because we fell into bed too soon.”
I leaned in and planted a kiss right on his lips. “Now it’s you that’s rambling,” I told him. “And it’s fine with me. Whatever you want, Will. I think it’s a good idea, actually, because yeah, I’m sure you’re right about the sex thing.”
Will’s eyes shone when he smiled. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
“I am,” I told him honestly. “But just so we’re clear, how long are we talking?”
Will laughed at me, but then he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I think we’ll know.”
Then, ruining the best moment of my life, my stomach growled. Will smiled at me. “Someone’s hungry.”
“Someone has eaten hardly anything these last few days.”
Will touched my face and sighed. “Oh, that’s right. You were dying.”
“I was,” I said with a smile. “Completely terminal.”
“Oh really? But you’re better now. What fixed it?”
“You,” I answered quickly. “But we better order a pizza just in case.”
“Yes, we better. God forbid you need to hide under your blankets in your work clothes again.”
I looked down at my suit pants. “I went to work and they told me you quit,” I said. “So I left. Actually, I never even got through the doors. I called in sick yesterday, because I couldn’t get out of bed, and then I was a no-show today. Hubbard will probably fire me tomorrow.”
Will smiled. “He was rather disappointed it was me quitting and not you.”
I snorted. “So, just out of curiosity, when Hubbard calls me into his office tomorrow—and we know he’s going to—what do I tell him?”
“Tell him you needed to sort things out with your boyfriend.”
Boyfriend.
“Really?”
Will nodded and grinned. “Yep.” Then he leaned in and kissed my smiling lips.
Only this time, we kissed a little harder, a little deeper, and we held on a little tighter. Fuck, he was like crack. I couldn’t get enough. I slid my hand through his hair so I could hold his face to mine, and he groaned into my mouth.
Will ran his hands around my back, pulling us impossibly closer, and this kiss became more than just a kiss. It was like we were trying to crawl into each other.
I wanted him. I’d never wanted anything more in my entire life.
And his hands moved to my face, and he pulled his lips from mine. He kept our faces together but we were breathing heavily and Will’s eyes were closed.
“Holy shit, Mark,” he whispered. “We should stop.”
I nodded.
“Is that okay?” he asked. “If we stop, I mean. Are we good?”
I smiled and kissed him softly this time. “We are so fucking good.”
Will laughed, then he pulled back and finally opened his eyes. He seemed as dazed as I was. He exhaled loudly and said, “How about we order that pizza?”