Nate wasn’t sure what compelled him to walk towards his special thinking spot. Roberta could be anywhere along the walking track. It was still daylight, probably half an hour left. He couldn’t see her anywhere near the water’s edge or on the pontoon. He checked in case she was sitting in the shadow of the cruise boat. He also ducked into the boatshed to check and instantly regretted it. They’d spent so many hours cooped up inside, sanding the old rowboat, talking, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
Tourists mingled close to the edge of the lake as he made his way to the track leading to the kauri pines. A group of young adults laughed and chatted as they sat atop paddle boats. They were calling it a day and paddling in towards the bank. Nate had done just that on countless afternoons with friends. It lent a good vibe about his carefree younger days, and the nostalgia of those memories continued to surface. He sighed wistfully.
As the sun shimmied the last of its happy rays over the lake and its guests, Nate wasn’t feeling it. A premonition jarred his view of the world. After such an intensely sweet couple of weeks, would it all disappear? Was his life destined to be a continuous rollercoaster of highs and lows, where he never found that happy medium?
Once in the rainforest’s shadow, it wasn’t long before he passed the platform beside the giant trees with barely a glance in their direction. Reaching the odd-shaped tree, he veered off the path onto the hidden track. He wouldn’t put it past Roberta to remember how to get there. She was a strong, resilient, intelligent woman and would’ve noted every detail … and she had a lot of thinking to do.
It wasn’t long before he spotted her sitting amongst the tree roots. As he approached, she raised her gaze to meet his. Despite the rapidly dwindling sunset, there was just enough light to see her face was puffy and blotchy. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and console her. She was receiving shock after shock. A tiny part of him damned Lily for all she was putting Roberta through. But getting to the bottom of family drama and history meant hearts would hurt along the way.
He sat cross-legged at the foot of the tangled root system, waiting for Roberta to talk. This was how she rolled. She wouldn’t be able to help herself. He just had to be patient.
“Hey,” she whispered. The crackle of undergrowth by a small forest wallaby sounded nearby. “I’m feeling a bit messed up. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He longed to reach out and touch her, but she sat crouched in the far corner of the root system with her untidy tangle of hair resting against the highest part of the buttress, not caring if it came away full of moist lichen. Sitting on the lower end of the buttress, he absentmindedly picked up a stray twig, rolling it between his fingers, playing with the forest litter around his feet.
Awkward silence blanketed them. If necessary, he’d sit there until eternity, until she was ready to talk. Then the oddest question popped into his head. “What song were you singing when I came back from my jog?”
One, two, three seconds passed.
“I don’t want to talk.”
“I know. I’m curious, that’s all. Some songs you sing I’ve never heard of.”
Nate stole a quick, sidelong glance at her. She hadn’t moved from her crouched position.
It took a few more quiet moments before she answered. “It’s an old Madonna song. It goes back to her early days. It’s called ‘Crazy For You’. It’s one of Mum’s favourites. She used to play it often.”
“Will you sing it again to me one day?”
Another glance and she straightened slightly. “Stop it, Nate. I was always leaving, you know that.”
“Were you?”
“I have to.” She tapped her head with knuckles. “I’m too messed up here.”
“Understandably.”
“Stop being the nice guy, Nate. I’ll destroy you like Crystal did. Let me go without any fuss so you can get on with your life.”
“You’re nothing like Crystal.”
“No, I’m worse.”
Nate’s heart plummeted. He’d found something so special in Roberta, and his premonition was coming true. He would lose her fast. Way faster than the time it had taken to disentangle himself from Crystal. This fall would be catastrophic. He was older, wiser, and understood what he was losing. There were things about Roberta that wouldn’t leave him. Ever. Her incredible voice, her sassiness, her forthright honesty, her take-no-bullshit attitude. Her desire to live life in the present and make everyone around her happy.
He shuffled his joggers amongst the forest litter, building little piles, the shadows lengthening as the day slowly turned to night. He needed to tell her he’d handed in the white sapphire. He wanted to savour every moment she was still talking to him, regardless of what she said and how hurtful it was. Because when she stopped talking, he would miss it like crazy.
As soon as she started humming, he looked up, watching her face transform into something peaceful, calm. Her voice vibrated in the hollow where they sat, and he shivered.
She sang of words, telling him that the day was long and the night was his alone. That if you’d had enough of this life, to hang on and not let yourself go. When her next words told him everybody cried, he recognised the song as REMs ‘Everybody Hurts’.
If she kept singing, her voice would destroy his soul. Each word pierced a hole the size of a crater in his chest. He didn’t want to hear her sing the words that sometimes everything was wrong but to hold on. That if he ever thought he’d had too much of this life, to hold on, hang on. To take comfort in his friends because everyone hurt—sometimes. And everybody cried.
By the time she finished the last of the words that would echo around his head forever, Roberta was a dark outline. He swallowed back hurt tearing at the back of his throat and blinked rapidly. The words of the song were too close to home.
“You gave the sapphire up, didn’t you?”
He nodded. She wouldn’t see his pain, but she’d see his head moving.
“It wasn’t yours to give away.”
“It wasn’t yours either.”
“Yes, it was,” she cried. “My father touched that stone. He put his soul into creating it. Regardless of how he got it, it was the only tangible thing I had from him. Now I have nothing. Not even a single memory.”
Her words crushed him further, and he didn’t have to see her face to know tears were falling down her cheeks. He fished inside his pocket for the torch, switching it on. The light dazzled him momentarily, and in the space of time it took for the light to spread around him, Roberta had risen and was negotiating the tricky step off the buttress onto the forest floor.
“Now I have nothing,” she repeated, staring him down.
He handed her the torch, its glow illuminating the narrow path as she walked away. He would use his phone to guide him out. She would get through this. Roberta’s strength would do it, with some help and support from him. He owed it to her. He gave up the gemstone knowing it would backfire—and it had.
Total blackness descended around him, crushing him. On any other night, he loved the darkness, was fascinated by everything that came alive. But this kind of darkness spoke of loneliness, hurt and pain. He’d glimpsed light and dazzling sun over the past weeks and greedily wanted it back. Would this be his destiny forever? To always feel this way?
And then, just like the words to the song still echoing around his head, he cried. Silent tears that coursed down his face.
Because everybody hurt—sometimes.