Chapter 5

“Jack, the crazy guy who kept threatening Shia at knife- and gunpoint to join the hunters, is a vampire now?”

Sara’s incredulity was perfectly understandable. I was having a hard time coming to grips with the idea, too.

“Aye,” Clarisse drawled. “He was so high and mighty until he knew he was faced with death, not in battle, but from a slow sickness eating him from the inside out. As with most people who choose to hunt us, he learned too late that his hatred was due to his envy, and so he bargained with the devil to become what he hated so much.”

We all considered this, save for Analie, who was still pointedly giving us her back. Christoph looked uncomfortable, not meeting anybody’s eyes, and Mouse was thoughtfully nibbling her lower lip as she watched him. Clarisse had put an elbow on the table and was cupping her chin, staring at Sara and me like she was expecting us to say something captivating at any moment.

The voice that broke the silence wasn’t the one I expected. Ashi ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture, shifting his weight from foot to foot as if he were about to bolt. “They never tell you what you’re getting into until it’s too late. Doesn’t matter if it’s vampires or werewolves. He’s going to regret his choice, and a lot of people are going to suffer for it.”

That seemed to break Christoph’s tension. He scoffed, shoving the smaller man’s shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’re regretting being changed. You know you were asking for it when you picked that fight.”

“Yeah, well, even if I was, being stuck here was never supposed to be part of the deal.”

Royce tilted his head, and I’d swear the look he gave Ashi held a kind of hunger that I’d only seen in the vampire when we were alone and he was thinking about bad, bad things to do to me. “Would you have preferred death? I had no need to spare your life then, nor do I now.”

Whoa. Whatever was going on between these two was far more intense than I had previously guessed.

Ashi bared his teeth and settled into a fighting stance, meeting Royce’s gaze. He wasn’t giving an inch—despite the nervous sweat he’d broken into.

“Try to take me, leech. Just try.”

“Och, that’s enough,” Clarisse said, shaking a scolding finger at Royce. I was more than a little surprised to see the older vampire bow his head, the hunger and tension he’d exhibited only a moment ago replaced by a small, mockingly contrite smile. A grudging concession, maybe, but he was willing to back down for her. “You know I’ve laid the claim, Alec. He’s mine, now.”

“As you say,” Royce murmured, though his gaze briefly slid back to give Ashi a look that I interpreted as a warning. Ashi remained right where he was, stiff and unyielding in his stance, his raised fists only lowering a fraction. “Do try to recall that I am master here.”

Ashi’s lip curled. “Not mine. You don’t own me. I’m not some stupid, broken house pet like those two.”

Christoph and Analie whirled on Ashi, both of them growling—though Analie sounded a bit more like I expected of a werewolf. Christoph, on the other hand, made a sound more like a guttering wheeze.

Mouse rolled her eyes heavenward, and Clarisse put her head in her hands. “Here we go. . . .”

It was as if Ashi had no idea what kind of effect he’d created. He was still stubbornly glaring at Royce like he could hate him to death.

The vampire leaned forward, and I felt the cold breath of his whisper against my cheek, making me shiver. “Are you certain you wish to raise the ire of your packmates, Ashi? I shouldn’t think I would have to remind you that you have few friends here.”

Oh, God. I didn’t even want to imagine what kind of look must be on the vampire’s face while he said that.

A fine tremble was visible in Ashi’s arms, but he stood his ground. “I don’t need their friendship. I need their respect.”

“You lost it when you tricked me into coming here, you asshole.” Christoph glared at the much smaller man, though I noted he didn’t seem in any hurry to attempt any kind of physical confrontation. He kept some distance between them, edging almost imperceptibly closer to Mouse.

Ashi sneered, not breaking Royce’s gaze. I thought maybe he was concerned that if he looked away, Royce might pounce on him.

I wouldn’t put something like that past the vampire.

“If you weren’t such a sucker for beer and football, you wouldn’t have fallen for it, you imbecile.”

Analie shocked me by socking Ashi in the arm, sending him stumbling to one side and crashing into the table. Mouse, Clarisse, and Wes scooted their chairs out of the way, but made no move to help Ashi, who was sprawled on the floor and clutching at his head. Hell, the vampires looked bored.

You know you have an exciting lifestyle when the novelty of werewolves fighting in the kitchen has worn off.

“It’s your fault I’m still stuck here, you insensitive asshole!” Analie was verging on tears again—but there was a hint of fang and a not-so-subtle glow to her eyes that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Hormonal teenaged werewolves. Gotta love ’em. “I can’t even send Gavin a letter! I’m not going to see him for years because of you!”

Royce’s fingertips dug into my shoulder. This situation was escalating to a very uncomfortable level in more ways than one.

As fascinating as it was watching this little drama unfold, I did not want to get caught in the middle of a fight between vampires and werewolves. Even if it was all verbal, this was way too messed up, even for me. I cleared my throat, drawing the eye of every supernatural in the room.

Peachy.

“Look, I know this is not my business, but maybe we can come up with some kind of compromise, huh? Analie, I’ll take a letter to Gavin for you.” The glow in her eyes seemed slightly less threatening, even though the wide grin she gave me was made with a mouthful of fangs. I wasn’t sure if the twinge of fear twisting in my gut was from nervousness at the idea of meeting Analie’s caretaker, or from the way Royce’s anger suddenly became palpable. I hastily continued before Analie could say something else to break my heart and leave me feeling obligated to do another favor I probably couldn’t afford. “It’s not like it’s a big deal. I don’t have to stick around, just deliver it—right? I can drop it off and leave it at that.”

Royce growled. Actually growled. And since he was still hovering over me, the sound vibrated uncomfortably against my ear, making me squirm.

His voice was cold and each word carefully enunciated. “Ms. Waynest, my arrangements to see to your safety by taking you away from all of the dangerous elements you have become a magnet for will be completely negated if you insist on carrying forward with this foolishness. You’ve already managed to raise the ire of the East Coast werewolves, the White Hats, and the police. Do you truly plan on tempting fate with the werewolves in Los Angeles?”

Annoyed, I twisted around on the chair to face him. “You know what? Yeah, I do. I don’t need you to keep rubbing it in that I’ve screwed up my life. What do you think I spent the last month doing? For weeks, I haven’t had a break from the voice in my head telling me nonstop what a fucking screwup I’ve been. I don’t need you telling me, too.”

A light touch to my arm drew my gaze away from Royce’s. Sara was watching me with such concern that I was having a hard time holding on to my anger. “Shia, I know things have been rough on you lately, but maybe you should listen to him. You weren’t here to see what it was like the last few weeks. ”

My gaze flicked back and forth between Sara and Royce. He didn’t appear to be thrilled with Sara for butting in, but he wasn’t gritting his fangs anymore either, so maybe her involvement in this conversation wasn’t such a terrible thing. As badly as I wanted to hold on to my righteous anger, this wasn’t the time or the place for it. Explaining my reasoning wasn’t going to be fun, but I wasn’t going to let this go so easily.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my words as slow and measured as Royce’s had been only a few moments ago, though for a far different reason. “This isn’t something I can just let go. I’ve been a . . . a really terrible, thoughtless person for the last month. I’ve done some things that are going to haunt me for the rest of my life.”

I’d hunted Chaz and other Sunstriker werewolves like they were dogs. I’d joined and aided a group of extremists who had no regard for the lives of Others or people sympathetic to their cause. I’d ignored my friends and family for the sake of revenge.

I’d killed someone.

“There’s blood on my hands, and the only way I can wash it away is by being a better person.”

“Soap and water takes care of that, you know,” Christoph commented. Wes bopped him on the back of the head, prompting a watery smile out of me.

“I’ve done some really stupid things, guys. I need to feel better about myself, inside and out, and one of the ways I can do that is by repaying the kindness Analie has shown me. She’s not asking for much, and it will be a start on my road to recovery. Am I making any sense?”

“No,” Ashi said from his seat on the floor. His dark brown eyes were narrowed, watching me with distrust.

Clarisse and Wes both shushed him, Mouse shook her head, and Royce cupped my chin in his palm to make me turn my head to look at him. The melancholy expression he wore didn’t suit him, but it was an improvement over the irritation he’d been exuding for most of this conversation.

“I believe the fault in this matter lies with me. If you understood the danger you would be putting yourself—and Sara—in by contacting the Goliath pack, you wouldn’t be so eager to do this.”

I put my hand on his cheek, the tips of my fingers playing along his smooth skin as I studied his features. There were tiny creases like half-formed laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. His lips were thin but pliant under my caressing thumb. The tension in his jaw gradually eased under my touch, the muscles no longer visibly bunching up around his cheekbones and the line of his jaw.

It took me a little time to figure out how I wanted to express my thoughts without making myself sound like a suicidal lunatic.

“I’m not deliberately putting myself at risk this time because I have a death wish—I’m doing it because I need to prove to myself that I still have the capacity to do great good, not just great evil. There’s no way to undo the pain and suffering and death I was responsible for, but repaying Analie’s kindness and doing something to make her happy is a step in the right direction for me.” I gave Royce a significant look. “I value my freedom and humanity. I need to do something to remind myself what those things are worth, and to earn them back.”

My turning the vampire’s own words back on him gave him pause. Though I could tell he was not entirely happy with the idea, he didn’t seem up to fighting me over my choice anymore. He leaned in to press a kiss to my brow, his own words so soft that I caught some of the others in the kitchen leaning forward to listen in out of the corner of my eye.

“If there is one thing I have learned over my many centuries of life, it is that humans most often cause their own downfall by only seeing what their lives should have been, rather than shaping their lives into what they wish them to be. Your desire to be a better person is admirable, but I wish that you would have found some other task to start with.”

“Yeah, well, when have I ever taken the easy road?”

Sara snorted. I gave her a look.

Royce breathed a sound that might have been a sigh or a growl, then urged me to stand. “As you wish. Analie, write your letter and prepare your package.” He had to talk over her squeals of glee as he continued. “Ms. Waynest, Ms. Halloway, I need you to prepare your things. I’ve arranged for someone to drive you to a private airfield. My pilot will take you to California. You two will remain with Clyde Seabreeze while I make better arrangements for your security and safety upon your return to New York.”

“And how long will we be gone?” Sara asked. The tone of her voice drew my attention back to her. She was hiding her anxiety well to anyone who didn’t know her as well as I did, but she was twining a loop of her hair around her finger over and over. A sure sign she was worried about something.

Royce shook his head. “I can’t be certain. Only as long as it takes for me to be sure you will both be safe and able to return to your loved ones. A month or two at best. Perhaps as long as a year.”

That gave me a twinge. Worse, Sara paled, her already china-doll complexion going waxen. It occurred to me belatedly that I wasn’t the only one who would be leaving behind people who were important to me.

While I would not be able to see my parents or brothers, Royce, or any of my other friends, Sara would have to leave behind her sister and her boyfriend, Arnold. Not seeing our friends and family for that long wasn’t going to be easy, but the alternatives were to endanger all of Royce’s people, jail, or death by rabid werewolves or White Hats.

Staying with Clyde wasn’t appealing, but I’d take staying with the other vampire over dying any day.